Advice: Fathers rights for illegitimate child

All,


I was with a local girl for 4 months after which she fell pregnant accidently. We split during the early stages of pregnancy, baby was born 1 month ago and she has recently contacted me to be a part of the babies life.


We are not together and were never married. I have met the child and want to do whatever is best for the baby. I live alone and the mother lives with her family.


I am trying to keep everything amicable, but it is starting to get a little messy due to her family applying pressure for us to re kindle and live together if I ever want to see the child again. My name is on the birth certificate as father and the baby is using my surname.


I wonder as we are not married what is the law in terms of access to the child for Fathers like myself. From a quick google search it looks like there are not many rights.


The mother has also stated that she wants to give up work to look after the child. She has very low income as it is. If this were to happen what are the laws on child maintenance payments required from me? I want to be clear that I will support the child but I do not wish to fund the mothers lifestyle.


If there is anyone that has experience with a similar situation or if anyone can point me in the right direction for advice I would really appreciate it.


Thanks

This is a minefiled of the highest order and you will find it difficult to get an answer. I want the same, to support my daughter but not fund the mothers lifestyle.


I would also like to know whats "normal" with regard to visitation.


I look forward to the replies to your request.


Mark.

Your story is very common this part of the world...Commonest trick to get pregnant and get man to support financially for next 20 years at least. I know a man similarly screwed and now paying through his nose or risk not seeing the child. Call their bluff or be led by your nose forever. She is going to stay home and be set for life...spending your hard earned money. Before you start thinking it's just money, not a big deal, you should think what happens if you do find someone you want to marry and then have children with. Will your finances be enough? Sorry dude..hash reality. PLUS, it's a matter of principle! Why should you support her lifestyle? she wanted the child only to blackmail you into paying and thats the reality here. So if you want a relationship with the child, then just pay a reasonable amount for child support. Stop paying if she doesnt let you see the child. Dont be conned into supporting her lifestyle! You are not obligated to support her because she put a hole in the rubber. (I am a woman so I am not being sexist here!)


Have to agree with Malka : next time, please pick someone reasonably intelligent, rational, not a gold digger/low income earner, preferably someone with shared values over such things as child welfare, etc. to have sex with so that any issues whether married or not can be resolved in a rational way between adults who have the child's interest at heart? Hard (pun intended)? Then take control over birth control and do not trust her to do it (unless you are Simon Cowell). :P

Hope it is going ok for you Mark. Slightly lightly off topic but I am in a similar spot although,

I am a male from Hong Kong and my girlfriend from Japan got pregnant and we are not married... She was supposed to be on the pill :(

Do I have a legal obligation to support the child? I will of course but worried she will bankrupt me by asking for more than she needs.

Thank you for any information

Hello Roland

You have a moral obligation and a legal obligation however the amount you are legally required is that which will support your child and NOT the mother as there is no common law in Hong Kong.

Lawyers will offer advice but frankly I have not found it to be of much use, there's plenty on the internet and I would save the money.

Court is VERY expensive and is a last resort as they as good as insist that you have been through a mediation process before approaching the court.

Good luck, I shall be interested in you sharing anything you discover with me / us.

Mark.

Hi All

I noticed how you have all looked down and tagged the mothers of your children a "gold digger"...
Have you all tried to look back on the times you tried to win her until she has given you her trust?
And just because something went wrong along the way, then she became the witch of your life story.

Just to share and to hope this could wake up guys like you who wish to go on free and irresponsible...
I just turned 18 when the father of my first born forced me to do "it" with him.
He rented one of the rooms in our house, telling my mom he could not afford a whole flat on his own.
Mom said ok since he was our co-league.
I had a long distance BF whom I had plans getting married with when he comes to HK when I reach legal age at that time.
AnYways, co league was 10yrs older and would everyday convince me LDR never works and said many things which ended at brainwashing that I admit, was the biggest mistake I've done!
Got pregnat, and soon he found out, left our house with saying he fears God,"to live together would be a sin"
I never knew what to do.. Hurt everyone in the family, broke mine & my bf's heart so bad...
Gave birth in 97.
I thought, hey Im strong, I could stand on my own.
I worked and moved on, this guy came asking for reckon in 98, again, I never wanted him in my life more and more, but 10 yrs too clever, he won Mom's heart.
Oh guess what? He is using a fake name and fake name is married to someone else... so if he was to marry me, that were going to be with the real name, of which if you check records would say unemployed.
Sacrifice, sacrifice I said.. for I love my son now more than anything else.
So he sent me & my son home. Remember he sAid that Long Distance Relationship never works? he was right.
He tried to rape my sister couple of months after the wedding and would stalk on her
WomaniIng, drinking... witnessed by my parents and sister who remained in Hk... I kept my silence... I cried endless.. All I wanted was to keep this family I thought.
But things have gotten worst. Second son came 2001.
He abused me physically in one of his visits in 2010 & that triggered me to completely let him go.
The support he gives my children way back birth is about 2K Hk...
Now one of them in college, other in high... he would give same amount sometimes, and more often, not any...
Then would most of the time travelling and would have vacations, woW
NOW IS IT GOLD DIGGING TO ASK FOR PROPER SUPPORT FOR MY CHILDREN? HAVE THIS GUY, YOU GUYS REALIZED THAT BY NOT ACKNOWLEDGING THESE CHILDREN, YOU HAVE TAKEN AWAY THEIR FUTURE?THEIR LiFE? THEIR RIGHT? THEIR PRIDE? AND IF AT SOME POINT, THEIr MOMS GET TO EAT a little TOO FROM WHAT YOU FINANCIaLLY SHARE, well can't you treat that as like a small gratitude to your Maid??
But Gid is good, he gives hope & second chances...
I have found someone who said "he doesnt want to see me and my children miserable and said he wants us to be his family and his life...
My grandad once said. "A MAN WHO RESPECTS THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILD, INDEED LOVES HIS CHILD.

The Child's mom can claim against u for child support under guardianship of minors ordinance on the basis of a DNA report
You can certainly seek for reasonable /defined access