Posted by
Renijm
11 yrs ago
Recently I met a few people with the same 'problem' as me: just no social life in HK after living here for 6-9 months.
What makes it so difficult to build up a social life in this city? Any suggestions on how to..?
I've lived in other locations overseas: no problem.
Here:
- I (live a few kms from but) don't work in Central, and in East Kowloon (office) there isn't really anyone to go for lunch with on a work day
- Many talks (e.g. Chambers etc) take place over breakfast or lunch -I can't attend due to office location & strict office hours
- I'm not one of those well paids, despite a prof. full-time job, so attending a social drinks at HKD300? Sorry, way too expensive. I'm not on the right budget to regularly join expensive drinks, dinners, etc.
- People in HK often work crazy hours (myself included); it seems that as a result there's a lot less get-togethers being organised after work.
- I'm mid 30s; I don't care about partying at LKF
- I join Meetup trips & hikes at least 1 day evey weekend; the majority of attendees are local and although friendly & we chat quite a bit their interest in making new friends is (understandably) limited
This is just my experience, but it feels as if 1) you're not on a big paycheck, 2) don't work in or reasonably near Central, and 3) are not into partying, plus 4) have limited time available due to work, the opportunities for building a thriving social life in HK are surprisingly limited.
Or am I overlooking something? :-)
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You are obviously not working hard enough, if you have time to think about this.
(I'm just kidding.)
Why not join some organisations - you can get lists on line, or maybe others will provide suggestions
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Join a club! Sports or activity. You are not the lone ranger, a countless number people have been in the same spot as you.
List your interests and I am 100% sure someone on here will give you a suggestion.
If you like hikes you may like the Hash House Harriers. A few friend are into it and love the hike/run and then the beers after.
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Thx, guys. During the week my time slash energy for doing lots of stuff after work is limited, although I'd like to have more on than current. 'Sports' during the wk is: all that walking to & from MTR stations! (1+hr a day, out of my 2+hrs total of daily commuting)
I work in the environmental sector & when living in Beijing last year there were so many interesting enviro-related & other talks on after work, as well as e.g. 'explore a different place each wk at less than 50RMB' dinners etc etc..... not here in HK it seems.
I also made quite a few friends in BJ through hiking & weekend explorations. I love outdoors and general 'getting out of the city/exploring beyond the concrete jungle', so you can find me joining Meetup groups, hiking groups etc every weekend here in HK - I also organise some trips myself- though as mentioned the majority that joins these activities are local and not looking for new friends.
I'm sure I'll survive for time being without a social life, but I do find it strange that not just me but others I've come across as well find HK a much tougher place for building up a 'real' social life (not just vague acquaintances) than other places we have lived.
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Ed
11 yrs ago
I played baseball and hockey in Hong Kong for years ... great way to meet a wide range of people... there are loads of other sports activities in the city - most welcome all levels http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/directory/expat-fitness-leisure/
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Kiz27
11 yrs ago
I've been trying to work this out myself lately. If you find a solution let me know haha
I get where you are coming from. I have been in HK a while now. When I was in my 20's and partying and playing all sorts of team sports I had a great time. Now in my 30's, a few injuries later and not able to play the team sports, but do more individual sports, not into partying really at all anymore. And honestly, I am finding that it's a bit harder to meet new people and a lot of my old friends still spend lots of time out drinking and I'm just a bit bored of that all the time. I'd rather do things with my weekend.
Have tried a few of the meetup groups and stuff, but have found similarly to you. Nice people... but that's about it.
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hmm, le me summarise your situation.......
you don't like social drinking or dinners out too often because it's too expensive
you don't do talks during lunch because office locale is not convenient
you don't like LKF becuase you're in your early 30's
you don't get together after work because you all work long hours
you don't do much sport after work because you don't have the time or energy
and, last but not least, you don't know why it seems so difficult to make friends ?????
well, it seems pretty obvious to me what the common factor is in all these scenarios :)
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Join a church, or other religious community. Union Church in Kennedy Road, for example, but there are many others. Union Church has a wide range of members, locals (from all nationalities) and expats, from all walks of life.
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Shouldn't really be profiling, but are you male/female? Westerner/Asian? By mid 30s most people are settling down and Hong Kong is one of the most transient places in the world - though maybe not as bad as pre-handover. Not having much money and not being in a place were a lot of people hang out is a big disadvantage. Why not take up yachting lessons? Not that expensive for the basic courses.
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Gee Whiz, in other overseas cities I've lived:
- I didnt do partying
- I didn't do any sports after work
- I didn't do lunch break talks due to office location
And
- I had absolutely no problem building up a thriving social life
Cause:
- There were still quite a few low cost drinks, dinners and after-work activities
(What I'm saying is that I find HK to have a dearth of such activities after work, except for here & there some rather expensive drinks etc)
- And I met plenty of people as well through the things I did during weekends, even though I almost never went to party
(Again, what I'm saying is that I find there's surprisingly few expats joining or organising weekend activities / trips around HK; the majority that join and organise the hikes, kayak trips, cycle trips, general HK explorations etc etc are locals)
Loyd: female, blond, Europe
Church: sorry, not religious
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Ed
11 yrs ago
Funny how HK seems to revolve around booze... work hard play hard...
Here's a healthier option http://hongkonghikers.org/ http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SaturdayHikers/
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Probably that's it, Ed..... work hard, drink hard. Don't like drinking/partying? Wokd hard, .....uh eat - sleep - run errands and join (friendly but established) locals on wknd trips to escape the concrete jungle
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Amer
11 yrs ago
To build a social life here in hkg, is difficult because people here are in transit. They are always on the move. If you cannot speak the local language, you cannot become part of the local group. You will always be restricted to an expat group. Albeit a small elite group of locals which can speak English working in an expat law firm or a finance company, may welcome you, again drinking only.
Apartments are small, hence, people cannot call over to their places, to have a casual get together. But some people do....if they have the space, time and money....
Pay and play is another option, but if you are doing a group sport, you need a team or a group of players.
Partying in LKF is not the best of options. And how much can you really drink!!!
There are some nice places, you can drive out to...but then, you need a car for it.
We can meet up, if you wish to....make you a home cooked meal, if you are feeling homesick.....or drive you around....feel free......
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Renijm.........
Actually, with reference to your point " and I had absolutely no problem building up a thriving social life".........
there is one crucial bit you left out out implicitly or explicitly
the sentence should have read " I had absolutely no problem building up a thriving social life doing the things I am familiar with"
In fact in Hong Kong, there are many, to quote you "....still quite a few low cost drinks, dinners and after-work activities" around but probably not of your interest.
Locals eat at cha charn tengs or road side stalls, there is a pletora of local bars and cafes where locals hang out and drink and chat, the favourite after-work activity of most locals revolve around window shopping, stopping for a bite, more window shopping, perhaps a local movie, etc.
All things, I am sure you're not interested in, so..............the bottom line is not about Hong Kong and what it has to offer but more about you're likley a fish out of water
There is about as much point in a fish complaining to a bird about too much O2 without any H as it is for a bird to complain about too much H in the O2 for their liking when they find themselves in each other's environment
So, my suggestion is to drink like a local, eat like a local, live like a local, and maybe you'll be able to enjoy Hong Kong like a local..........it's called assimilation
Actually quite the norm expected by the indigenous population of any alien to their country :)
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HKLEV
11 yrs ago
Some suggestions:
-many european countries have social networks and clubs, your consulate should know the contact details
-try turning up at one of the sailing clubs on a race day. boats often need crew, even if they have no experience
-look around sai kung (eg steamers, poets, etc) and the sai kung magazine for outdoor activities organized by expats.
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Ed
11 yrs ago
Check our activity partner section http://hongkong.asiaxpat.com/personals/
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Hi Gee Whiz, thx for the advice
On 'do as the locals' - if I eat out anywhere in HK, 99% of the time....it's at very local local places with no foreigner to be seen. I prefer hole-in-the-wall restaurants and street markets for eating out. I do the same for lunch near where I work; you won't see me with sandwiches for lunch..
Where I live (building with 40 rooms) there's only 2 western foreigners, me & 1 other girl. So I chat a lot with the (friendly) locals or Mainlanders at my place
When I was working in Beijing we only had 5% foreigners with the firm. Most of my friends from there actually have a Chinese background. When I join activities in HK, the majority joining as well are local.
So don't get me wrong, but I don't feel like a fish out of water when it comes to HK as it being 'Asia'. But locals are not a great source of friends so far, because they're very established, have their friends & family here etc -they're happy to have a chat but not much more than that. Oh, and one thing I do not care for: shopping
So for my social life I'll still have to tap into the expat 'market' and that I find a surprisingly difficult one to access if...not into drinking/partying, big paycheck, maybe working a bit closer to Central and so forth.
HKLEV - yes, I'd love to try the sailing clubs for crew. It's something I've been trying to find out. I also heard there's a Hobbycat (catamaran) club somewhere..
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Join one of the rugby clubs. Even if you don't play the game; even if you know nothing about it, they will find things for you to do, and some of them have a thriving social life.
Try the Hash, there is a women's chapter, I believe.
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MJ1
11 yrs ago
Get friendly with your work colleagues is probably the easiest way, but if they are mainly locals, this makes it hard. However if some of those locals went to uni overseas, then maybe focus on them.
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Hi MJ1, I think most of my HK colleagues are too overworked to even think about doing anything social ;-).
I.e. many work really crazy hours. I still try to keep my hrs within reasonable limits so I got some time left (well, not always) on eve's & wknds. Many here really have no life at all beyond work.. (eat, sleep..)
I guess it explains why we're not very social at work: no Hi's and Goodbye's, no drinks after work or at end of the month, etc
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HKLEV
11 yrs ago
I have PMed you with some sailing info.
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MJ1
11 yrs ago
Renijm, if you organise, they will come...
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My suggestion to try some of the art galleries in Central, WanChai and elsewhere. They are excellent places to meet people and frequently have opening nights where you can meet locals and expats alike that enjoy art, wine, canapes etc. for no charge. Once you get on the mailing list you will find you will have many invites to Thursday, Friday and Saturday events along with cross marketing invitations, ie. property events. Though some of them are simply not interesting, others combine art, music and of course food and drink. I developed a network, 95% locals via these events and conduct business and social life with this same network. One basically can attend an event almost every night in Hong Kong and meet people constantly (and drink for$0.00 if you like). See the meet-up art events as well. They have some excellent invitations to galleries and sponsored events.
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Yes it can be difficult to have social life in HK, even local like me
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...hmm, Nosidam, that sounds like a very interesting suggestion. I haven't looked into the art gallery opening nights yet at all but a bit of free drinks & mingling after work not far from where I live is something certainly worth giving a try!
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Most social life revolves around shared interests. Relgion, Art, Golf, Drinking, Sailing, Hiking, Running, and the Hash Hash Harriers which combines Drinking and Running. You will find loads of friendly people in any of these circles. Golf can be expensive, bit the others can be done on a budget. What do you have a passion for ?
I agree with Beermoney - You need to first decide what your interests are.
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Hi CaptDave, I join lots of outdoor activities esp. hiking as there are so many hiking groups in town and a bit of running, kayaking, boating and 'general' explorations. I also organise events for one of the Meetup groups. I participate in 1 or 2 of such 'events' almost every weekend.
As mentioned though, outdoor activities have been a very poor source of social life so far though, with ~75-80% of those joining being locals who although friendly are usually too established in HK to be really on the lookout for new friends. So common interests on the wknds haven't gotten me anywhere so far yet for making friends
I'm trying to google Nosidam's suggestions for evenings
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HK can be a lonely place like many other large cities - people are busy and there are language and culture barriers. Give it time. You'll bump into people during your routine daily life once you settle down and those would be better people as they will fit into what you are doing. Don't go looking for friends outside of your travel zone or you'll waste a lot of time and money meeting up with them
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I had a very similar life to Renijim when I first arrived.
There are some activites that will help you to meet people and form a small network of friends.
Consider doing a language course - these are small groups and not only do you learn the language, you meet others. Coffees after the course helped to break the ice.
Contact the YMCA in Kowloon as they offer many courses including photography, fine arts, cooking (if that's your thing) sports, interest groups etc and again, you meet others.
Walking/hiking groups are a fun way to get out and meet others.
Volunteer groups are many and varied. Consider contacting Crossroads as they are always looking for strong arms and legs to help pack sea containers for overseas relief.
These type of activites while fun, are more importantly, a great way to build up a netowrk of like minded friends.
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What is your dream life?
What have you and are you doing to get there?
Over the last 9 months has anything changed?
Many friends here have given you suggestions but ultimately focus on your goals.
Raise the bar higher my friend.
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Renijm - I have to say it is a common issue. Anyone who says not usually has religion or drink or money, or all 3 that they use to make friends.
All you can do is keep joining different meetups, different activities, being open to ideas. There are a lot of overseas Chinese, as you presumably know, with similar background to you. Seek them out. The teacher network is large, and quite different to the banker one, befriend one or 2 of them. I had a good friend who arrived who did absolutely everything, and took a year or so to get the beginnings of a group which then became an amazing core group of liked-minded people (she was incredibly fit, interesting, gorgeous, outgoing, kind, friendly, generous - so what was the problem?).
The issues you noted re drink, big pay, Central-centric etc are real. You have to find a way around them. Meetups seem to work. The boating thing has worked for people I know as well.
I have to say the worst suggestions from many years of experience are those to connect with locals - apart from the married-to-one, who here have close local friends? (ok, a few work colleagues possibly.) Locals just really are not interested in us for whatever reason (and here was me thinking I was moderately interesting!). And if there happen to be any enthusiastic locals are about they will seek you out pretty quickly.
Art galleries can be full of designers and bankers's spouses, I found. Just drink and money.
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Hi Malka, my uni. doesnt have alumni chapters in this part of the world; would be nice but there aren't enough of my nationality in this town to have a viable base for an alumni group.
Logoodung, what I'm doing to get to my dream life? Amongst others, build up interesting work refs in the China part of the world, that I can leverage elsewhere.
I lived in Australia, hit redundancy + loss of work visa, unemployed for a year, took a job in Beijing, didn't work out with the weird manager, unemployed again, got myself one of the rare QMAS visas for HK (means I dont need any company sponsorship to work here), then moved myself out to HK at my own expense for job hunting, nearly landed a really great job -nearly...-, would have liked to spend more time finding a suitable work match but as I also need to pay the bills in HK I took a so-so job offer after 2.5 months as a 'for time being' job. So that's what I'm doing in HK while exploring the best way to further my career etc
Bob, will check YMCA. I do find that it doesn't really help in HK to have so little time left at the end of the day. On a normal work day I don't get home till at the very least 8 pm (or later), while having left for office at 7.30am.
That doesn't leave much time neither always energy to go travel to the other side of town for joining this or that activity.
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;-)) just reading your comment, HKXXXXEXPAT -
yes, I think not equipped with 1) big paycheck 2) drinking interests 3) religious interests 4) and not into banking / finance / property sector, oh and let's add 5) working far away from Central / not on HK island / not in lower Kowloon which makes meeting people for or joining things over lunch quite challenging puts you at a disadvantage for social life in HK
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coty
11 yrs ago
More expats have the same 'problem' than they'd admit.
If you were in a higher income bracket you'd be turning poorer friends away so money not an issue. That said being able to afford to live in Mid Levels, and by that I don't mean Sai Ying Pun or Kennedy Town, is nicer because it's a more vibrant area. If you're in hour mid 30's you should be able to pay 300 to attend stuff at least once in a while.
But main problem with HK my friends and i agree is that the city is very transient, people come and go, if you don't work at relationships you'll only have facebook friends!
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"Recently I met a few people with the same 'problem' as me: just no social life in HK after living here for 6-9 months." Why don't you hang out with these folks?
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Abhaya, good suggestion but unfortunately no click on either side with the few folks I met in passing who said something similar. If there's no personality match & therewith interest.....then not that much I can do.
Coty, yes I think living in the heart of MidL would be quite useful; easy to just pop in to a venue etc. I reckon if I'd live in say MidL, would work somewhere between say Sheung Wan and Wan Chai and would receive a higher paycheck, my social life would be very different from current (and I wouldn't be posting this question)
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There is a thriving 'environmental' movement in HK. Green Drink, Clean Air Network, Beach Clean ups, Save our Sharks, you name it.
Sounds to me like you need to break out of your self made box and explore a little and try some new activities...
and $300 for drink is NOT expensive ...
Good luck...
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Hi WhiteBox, it all depends on your paycheck: HKD 300 or 30 euro where I come from is VERY expensive for just 'drinks', at least in other places I've lived (Europe, Australia, Beijing).
I can do it occassionally but certainly not on a regular basis - I guess we're in very different payscales. My daily food/drinks/transport budget is HKD 100-150, go figure..
Yes, I'm attending after work Green Drinks, Cleantech Asia, Sippedin. Only few of such after work activities, i.e. just had first Cleantech event of 2013, last Sippedin drinks was April or May; and lately crowds at such events have been very thin
.
Other green orgs like BEC, CCBF, CE, HKGBC, various Chams etc mainly organise their events during office hours.
I'm trying to get some people interested in co-organising more 'green' after work talks etc, but can't do it alone time wise & have not met much enthusiasm so far
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Try your relevant countries Chamber of Commerce. The Aussie chamber has a monthly social get together, not expensive and a great way to meet a large variety of people, local & expat.
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If ur nto music stuf..try visiting hk underground http://www.undergroundhk.com/v2/
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could try inviting co-workers for lunch every day of the week. And go to LKF 2 nights a week.
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Hi i read with interest all yr posts as I'm new in hk. I've found it very difficult to meet expats community as well... I'm keen to get to know more like minded expats n discover hk
So if anyone is keen to get to know an expat like myself who just wants to make genuine friendship n our time in hk memorable pls drop me a line
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moved to hong kong for 2 years, still working on social life, haven't been this hard before when I was in somewhere else, i always have a lot of friends. so i guess the reason would be, Hong Kongers are realistic and so protected that it's hard for them to open their heart and accept a new friend.
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...hmm, nice to finally see a few posts of people who also find it surprisingly difficult to get their social life going in this town
Earthwalker - I'm not into LKF as you may have read from previous posts. Co-workers for lunch are mainly locals & there's a bit of a dearth of lunch places to sit down in the area where I work. I.e. old factory/warehouse area. We have 2 MacDonalds though ;-))
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Hi Renijm,
Wow, reading your posts is like speaking my mind. I'm basically in the same situation, except I read/speak/write the language and Chinese. My entire life was in Vancouver though and I've only been in HK for 2 years and a bit...
Since there are a few of us on here that's in the same boat, why don't we just get together and meet up? Share some experiences, frustrations, neat places, hidden gems, etc?
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mynxijo - That seems like a good idea. I feel the same here. I just arrive here for 3 mths find it very hard to meet new people as well.....
so Renijm, pls organise for like mind people to meet and get together...
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Join pure yoga and have another great way to keep strong and happy! And along the way cultivate possibilities!!!
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Ok, will organise something for those interested to meet up. Ok with Central area after work? Cause I work in Kwun Tong but get off at Central MTR & walk home from there (Sai Wan)
I occasionally organise events on 1 of the Meetup groups as well, like last Sat but that's really to either explore the city or the outdoors (i.e. not for sit-down drinks)
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Sounds good. Central works, we can find somewhere that's not crazy expensive, not full of party goers, and not crowded with tourists.
When and where?
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Kiz27
11 yrs ago
Renjim, if you are doing something cheap and not drinks then count me in too. I'm in need of a change of scene
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Ok, will think about what & where and get back to you next wk -cause got no idea of workload for next wk tet and better know that 1st, considering I don't work quite a long way from..
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A distant relative is here in HK till Sep (not first visit) and I've been given the job of making him happy. I've got his accommodation sorted out, now his social life! We like different things so please help.
He's eurasian, 34, good looking, raised everywhere, global minded, likes art especially photography and sailing.
Art: He's an architect really into art but doesnt' want to just visit galleries, what are the options?
Photography: the last time he was here he did a photography workshop. He'd like to do one again but with a different group (last time he did one organised by a guy called Gary Tyson or Jack Tyson, commercial, boring and disrespectful of the local culture, who only wanted white bankers and the like in his workshop, from what was told to me). Any non-commercial fun workshops where you learn something new and meet great people sharing the same passion?
Sailing: Not junk trips! Any boat he could get on without having to first know a VIP or pay for a year's membership?
He has other interests but i can help with the rest.
Thanks in advance.
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Lost Expat: Your relative being a guy, mid30s and good looking I guess means he has some additional 'social life' options that I don't have..... ;-)
Can't help you on photography courses & sailing: still trying to find sail options myself without immediately having to become a club member
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HKLEV
11 yrs ago
@Renijm - I sent you a mail a week or so ago with some details on sailing options. None of them necessarily require membership of a club or are quite cheap. PM me back if you want more detail.
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Hi , HKLEV - I saw your mesage last wk & you should have received a reply. Thx for that.
I haven't tried figuring out yet exactly when & where sailing races take place in order to rock up and see if they're in need of instant crew cause it doesn't look like the weather (on wknds) has been any good for sailing lately.
Not sure if they'd be keen to take someone who has some but at the end of the day still just limited sailing exp?? Wouldn't mind just a leisure sail trip on wknd with no speed pressure
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HKLEV
11 yrs ago
@renijm - sorry, i missed your response in the clutter of my inbox. I have pmed you again.
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While I haven't read the entire thread, I'm curious why I haven't seen a suggestion of hanging out with co-workers? Or is the focus/concentration at work that serious, or the distinction between work and private life is that bi-polar?
as a quick background of myself, i'm an oversea Hong Kong born native who moved to the States when I was 10. As I look for opportunity to move back home, I'm in similar boat as some of you where I'm afraid I would be an "outsider" given i don't have any friends or relatives I haven't seen in ages. Furthermore, I'm married to my wife who's from Cape Town with a 2.5 y.o son. So I'm not sure if married with kids is easier or harder to find a circle to be in.
Nevertheless, I'd love to hear what you all thinks.
p.s. as an crew-sailor out of Annapolis, I concur that sailing is a good way to find good friends. That said, if you want to avoid (binge) drinking or rum, sailing might not be ideal.
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Amer
11 yrs ago
I also work in Kwun Tong.
If you are organizing something, please count me in.
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