4.5 year old crying phase

My daughter started crying before nearly every tutorial... she never used to... seems really insecure and has been asking the helper/mum to wait directly outside.


we've tried being strict and also rewarding her but i sense it's getting alot worse. my daughter hardly cried at all up to the age of 4 and now seems to cry every day.


it all started when she said that an older girl hit her in ballet class, but since then, she cries before every lesson... recently, started to puke before some lessons too... don;t know how to handle the anxiety levels...


should we cancel lessons or will this reinforce her routine of crying and avoiding facing her fears...


she has always been a very cautious kid and not so daring... recently, she seems to wake up all worried and wishing to avoid all tutorials (even though when she is there she actually has a great time, i.e. laughing and chatting to the teachers, etc).


any tips? is this just a phase?

Oh, that's so hard. I have been in that same position with my daughter and it just makes my heart ache. Trust your gut and do what you think is best. This is something that is obviously very frightening for your child. I would let her know that you agree and understand that it is scary for a child to hit but at the same time to not let herself be overcome with fear. I would discuss with her what to do if that happens again and tips on trying to prevent it from not happening again ( try to avoid the little girl or talk with the teacher). Also, talk with your daughter and maybe see what ideas she has for feeling better before going to class. The very best thing you can do is support your daughter and let her know that you understand that it is scary. I think that by not taking her to class may reinforce the anxiety and giving her the message that she can be controlled by her fear. By her facing her fear, she may ultimately gain more confidence that she is capable of handling these situations. But, again, you know your child best, do what you think will work. It's hard to know what the right thing to do is sometimes. Hang in there.

pressed the submit button too many times, sorry.

thx fro the feedback... my wife and I are still learning how best to deal with this. We do notice for my kid, at least, that the more attention and feedback we give her, the more she seems to become anxious. She may be slightly play acting, as she seems to look much more anxious (and half crying) only when we pay her more attention and give her more sympathy. She may be trying to use some of this whining to try to avoid classes or to sleep in the same bed as us, etc.


Anyway, we are approaching it like this, now:

1) tell her we will always be there to pick her up after class, but tell that we have already made the promise and no need to discuss anymore.

2) give her a photo of the family to put in her bag, so she can look at it if she misses us.

3) change the subject and don't dwell on the crying issue.

4) tell her that even if she cries, she will have to go to her classes. And that it's better to be happy and have fun at the classes.

5) don't lose our temper with her or get frustrated... but at the same time don't provide too much feedback and attention to the crying part... as this seems to be encouraging her

Sounds like you have a good plan. The only other thing I would suggest , which I have noticed in my own situation, is to give her praise after she has attended the class. Things like she is such a brave girl for facing her fear and such. This seems to help my daughter recognize that she is capable of handling stressful situations. Good luck and let me know how it goes.

Thanks for the feedback and encouragement. We have gone through 4 consecutive days without crying... but still have to face the inevitable pre-tutorial puppy eyes, anxious questions from my kid, and even "almost" vomiting... but so far, we have been tracking progress with a magnet reward chart, and keeps my kid focused and aware of how she is progressing. Once she gets into the lesson, she does really well and is enjoying herself. I really hope this continues... K2 starts soon, and I hope some added routine will bring more stability to her moods. Thanks all....