Husband giving money to domestic helper separately



POSTED BY Seekinganswer (7 mths ago)
What is your view of husband giving money to domestic helper for her birthday separately? Husband considers his right to give money to domestic helper without first consulting me or checking with me so that any money he gives her will be one from both of us instead of from him.


mrcynic (7 mths ago)
Your husband is a generous man.....obviously that's why you married him. Can see no reason why he should consult or check with you first; it's his money that he is generously giving to the DH for her birthday as a present from both of you. It is money given separately from her salary that you give every month.
It seems that you suspect there is an ulterior motive or that there is something going on between your husband and the DH. To be honest, if you feel like that you should seriously consider if you should have a DH.........or a husband!

Seekinganswer (7 mths ago)
@MRCYNIC I gave DH for her birthday as a gift from both my husband and I, my husband gave extra as something from himself.

mrcynic (7 mths ago)
Perhaps you should have said that in the first place. Did you consult your husband before giving birthday present money? I don't really see the point of asking other people's opinion when they haven't been give sufficient detail to comment helpfully. Perhaps tell them what your interpretation is might help.

bananaq (7 mths ago)
If you have lots of money and your DH is serving you well then you don't need to worry about. maybe your husband didn't know that you already give your DH a money present. if not the case then my crazy mind is thinking that you are suspecting your husband is having an affair with your DH. Just talk to your husband i suggest.

neil5m (7 mths ago)
Yup, if he has told you about it after he gave her money for her bday, then its fine. If you found out, then you need to have a chat with him. If it was in the HK$200-450 range, then its normal. Anymore than that, you would need to ask why the generosity

shirley1ee (4 mths ago)
Maybe you can talk to your husband about it, he should tell you this before he gave her money.

neil5m (4 mths ago)
One of the issues with your husband giving her money is the alignment of incentives. If you are one staying at home taking care of things, then you would want to do all the bday gifting and incentivisation else your helper won't respond to you as well. Helpers in HK put on different faces (behaviours) for whom they see as the boss/paying them. I've had several helpers and it has been the case with all of them. You need to figure this with your husband before he goes around gifting (buying favour).

Indiaboy800 (3 mths ago)
Maybe, your husband is aware of your nature, (which probably mention in the future of something giving to her) which bare him to taken you into consideration. Which is good either way.
Now if you are suspecting of something going in-between or maybe a possible investment for your husband for any possible affair in the future than you are totally wrong.
1. Because if your husband's mentality is finding extra marital affairs, he can easily find a hooker or a mistress outside the home.
2. If he is considered to be above, than you should be happy that at least you know her mistress which is residing with you and there is not major threat to your relationship with your husband.

The above are the worst case scenarios.

WildgirlHK (2 mths ago)
Your confidence started shaking, time for focus your goodness (/ to improve) is what you need!
good luck!

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