Clomid & Moods

Foolanahill - I have to say it is GREAT to see you in the Pregnancy Forum. Both because I see you a lot in Practical, and because it is wonderful to see more men here!


I can't comment directly but I can suggest:


1. be sure to tell your dr


2. Evil Hormones abound during pregnancy for some women. And Clomid would effect her hormones too, right?


I am usually a happy positive person, but when I am pregnant (twice, and never again!) I am awful. Now some women are those glowing happy pregnant types, but many of us are not. So do brace yourself for a potential rocky ride.


Advice from me (very personal):

be patient

give her space

try to 'distract' her with whatever works - foot massage, favourite tv show in DVD, etc...


But even at my worst, I wa never saying/doing the things above - so do tell your doctor in case this is a known side effect they can do something about.


I am sure others on this forum will be better at sharing their personal experiences with clomid. Also check sites like babycentre.co.uk and google... there is lots out there!


The good news is, the evil hormones do go away, and your wife will 'come back'.


I am thankful every day for how patient my husband was!!


Good luck, and hang in there!!

Foolanhill,


I have had a similar experinece -not having been on clomid - but just from being subfertile/infertile. About 4 months ago, I had an awful fight with DH - about nothing - I told him I wanted to divorce him. I was pushing him away - wanting to stop feeling like a failure (in not being able to give him a child). Needless to say, I did not really want to get divorced. In my mind, millions of people get divorced and it is not a reflection of being a failure. However, not being able to get pregnant is a sign of failure.


DH knew that was going on in mind. He gave me a huge hug and told me how much he loved me and the fact that we are really TTC. The end result did not matter as much.


Two weeks ago - I resigned from my job (a good job with lots of travels) to take up a part-time job. My friends think I am a bit nuts but DH is so happy he has told everyone about it - even before I signed up with the new place.


Clomid may be having these effects on your wife- but on the other hand she might just need re-assurance that you love her regardless of the results of the infertility treatments.


Havefaith

Foolonahill,


So sorry to hear about your situation. It seems that your wife was not this way before taking Clomid and i am hoping that will offer you some reassurance. Have you considered booking an appointment with your doctor so that they can give you some idea as to how common this is? I know of a counsellor called Mark Gandolfi (Gandolphi?) who specialises in counselling couples. He offered my husband and i some sessions when we fell pregnant. We weren't having problems but he helps you prepare for the journey. He has lots of good advice to give and maybe a third person will help your situation. I don't have his number but you can maybe google 'St John's counselling in HK'?


I was due to be on Clomid but never took it so can't share any experiences. The fact that she keeps breaking down might mean she has alot of bottled-up feelings. Women often feel quite alone when experiencing infertility or even fertility as it is their bodies that goes through all the changes (not to say that you are not trying your best). Through my hormonal mood swings, my hubby usually lets me know that he is there for me and then gives me the space i need but everyone is different.



I sincerely hope you and your wife get through this and find happiness again.

hi foah

the thing about infertility is - it hits you in just about every insecurity you have, and you get constant reminders of your inabilities. the hormones in the clomid enhance your moods.


you're having scheduled sex, you're trying not to blame yourself (or your partner), your year is divided into 12 opportunities into getting pregnant. if clomid doesn't work, what next? will you have to do ivf? and if that doesn't work...there's nothing else you can do to have a biological child naturally. how did it come to this? fertility drugs are a kicker and a HUGE majority of women (and couples) undergoing infertility are depressed.


there is a support group for women dealing with infertility in hong kong that i would suggest, they advertise in dollar saver.


your wife can also find immediate comraderie at one of the following boards:


www.ivfconnections.com

www.inciid.com

www.tryingtoconceive.com


there are also many other boards.


there are also thousands of blogs out there devoted to infertility, women at various stages of their if journey.


i would suggest therapy, if your wife would be willing.


i was on clomid for 12 months and i was a hormonal mess. it seemed like hong kong was full of pregnant women and every single one of them (and a few more) were asking, "so when will you guys start trying?" it was pretty awful. and even moreso for my spouse.


sounds like babeez gave you a good name of a counsellor, i also know a good one in lippo centre if you think your wife might prefer a female counsellor who does couples therapy.


all best

i am not saying this to be confrontational, but to better understand your wife's personality (and please do not think i am judging her either).


does she respect you? if you told her that you were stopping this cycle because you did not think your marriage was healthy enough to bring a child into it, would that snap her out of her state to get her to communicate?


that's one option.


you could get counselling, to get a professional's perspective. i am not saying what is going on is your fault, what i am saying is it would help you greatly to have a professional ear to listen to and to help you reach some answers.


good luck.

If my husband took evertyhing I have done and said since being pregnant/having newborns seriously - we would have been divorced 10 times over.

Ditto if I took my feelings seriously - there were times I thought I hated him, but I KNEW it was just the hormones.

If he suggested counselling at the time, that would have set me off the deep end for sure (and I wasn't on any external drugs!)

Seiously, I was AWFUL - the SMS sounds familiar, as does the 'how are you' 'roll away in bed as a response'


If she really hated you, she would not be taking Clomid - please realise it is the hormones and drugs and not really reflective of her.


I thik some online research regarding the side effects of clomid is good, maybe seeking alternatives like Troy Sing (accupuncture and TCM for infertility), and finding out about other medical alternatives is good. But I would suggest the DR presents the alternatives not you at this point.


Just remember it is TEMPORARY!


If your Dr is not helpful, Dr Doo had very good reviews for his bedside manner for those trying to conceive, as does Troy Sing.

??

STB - you are right, I never had trouble conceiving and never was on Clomid and stated that above in my first post and said that I was only commenting on my personal experience being pregnant.

While it is not exactly the same, Foolonahill is dealing with a very upsetting situation due to his wifes sudden irrational behaviour - which I can relate to very well.

I hope I haven't misled anyone with my comments.