Our reasons of adopting is very different from yours. We haven't tried having our own kids. We want to adopt because we feel that there are kids in this world that need a family. And maybe after we adopt, we may have a child of our own
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Hi hunkydory,
I have been in your shoes and we have recently adopted a little girl.
I am happy to talk to you about my experiences. I don't particularly want to post them though.
Send me a PM if you want to chat.
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Similar to you, we tried lots of fertility treatments with nothing but tears. I never thought I was the type to quit, so we kept trying and trying. Then after one miscarriage / hospital for ERCP I just said "I can't do this anymore!". My husaband menioned adoption, and it was like a heavy weight had been lifted. And from that day forward I didn't cry again, instead I was full of hope. I could have a child afterall, and it wasn't dependent on me "doing" anything. Its easy to blame yourself for a micarriage or if you don't conceive, because you're not resting enough, or you drank a coffee last week, you think about it too much, or lifted a bag of shopping, etc etc. Now I was free to wait and be me again. And now we have a lovely boy to love and we wonder why we didn't think of it earlier!
Go for it!
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Hi S,
would u love ur adopt child the same as ur own baby?
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yeziMM,
Why a question like that?? We have an adopted child and love her equally as if she was our own. We don't even think about her being adopted, we just think how lucky we both are
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yeziMM,
I have a son whom I delivered but I am sure if I had adopted instead of conceiving myself, I would have loved that child equally. How can u not love a child when he or she is all yours - delivered or adopted who cares.....
Hope more people in this world can adopt so that the lil. ones who are not getting all the love they deserve gets it from a mom and dad who want to shower their love to a lil one but cannt.
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yeziMM
After 10yrs of ivf (frozen, fresh), surgeries, tears, etc, we finally adopted a baby boy. The adoption process itself took almost 2 yrs but now, my child, my baby is my life. My brother in law who also adopted after trying for almost 15yrs, once said that he probably would not have loved his own biological child as much as he loves his adopted one. We cherish our children so much - more than maybe biological parents! Perhaps it was because our children came after so many years of yearning? Who knows - but whatever it is, we love our children as much as if not more than any biological parent and consider ourselves so very lucky to have them in our lives. I think once a child comes into your life, whether your own or from another mother, and gives you love and joy, looks to you for protection, you cannot but open your heart.
sam_maz, you are right, all children deserve a mom & dad that love them!
hunkydory, don't wait, JUST GO FOR IT! I've heard stories of previously infertile parents falling pregnant after adopting. Maybe coz they're more relaxed, the hormones kick in? But whatever it is, your chase will be over and your heart will be filled with the love of a child which is what you've been looking for! And by the way, you have to HOUND the case workers at ISS as they take quite some time to get organised!!!
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bagged,
where did you adopt from? Hong Kong or somewhere else?
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jassy67, have sent you a pm!
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"My brother in law who also adopted after trying for almost 15yrs, once said that he probably would not have loved his own biological child as much as he loves his adopted one."
Come on try to be sensible, if you haven't had your own biological child how can you comment on how much you wold love them relatively to an adopted child.This sounds like rationalization from your brother in law.
In answer to the original question it seems that loving parenthood happens quite quickly to ANY child in your personal care and the people who I know who have adopted all say that there is no difference in the feelings they have for their biological and adopted children.
Nature has equipped us with very strong and strong protective parental urges and these quickly take over even if our bloodline is not being served.
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joga
16 yrs ago
"My brother in law who also adopted after trying for almost 15yrs, once said that he probably would not have loved his own biological child as much as he loves his adopted one."
I have both biological and adopted children and am an adopted child with biological siblings myself. I think most parents love their children equally no matter how they came to be. I also think alot of good intentioned adoptive parents make too big a thing of it. Adoption is such a small part of who my son and I are. It's how we came to be part of the family we part of but it shouldn't define who we are. We so much more than that. I would hate to think my parents love me more than my siblings or vice versa.
In answer to the OP it was always in me to adopt when the time was right and the oportunity available I jumped at the chance. If feels right for then it probably is.
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Gareth & joga:
Just becuase I or my brother in law didn't have our own biological children, it doesn't mean that we don't understand how it works. I know of a lot of families in which biological parents don't necessarily immediately bond with their own children. My point was that becuase we "chased" our dreams for so long and with such intensity, finally having a child was a culmination of our accumulated hopes. Some of my friends have in fact commented to me that they took for granted their ability to have children and ppreciated my (and my brother in law's) connection to our adopted children.
Of course there should not be any difference in the love you give to an adopted or biological child! I have personally fostered a child (thru the HK social welfare dept) for 6 months and even after our "contract" was over, we see him regularly & keep in close touch with him and his family. We love him as much as our own son.
The sad reality, joga, is that in our South East Asian communities, adoption was until not too long ago, discouraged or not publicly announced because of hangups with keeping a pure "bloodline". You will be surprised, I get asked a lot if I "know anything" about my son's biological parents but of course I tell ppl that I don't need to know and they certainly don't!
So, pls don't take my comments out of context! They were to make a point to yeziMM who asked the question "would u love ur adopt child the same as ur own baby?"
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joga
16 yrs ago
I am sorry but I still think it is an unfortunate thing to say. It draws a distinction where I don't think there needs to be one.
"The sad reality, joga, is that in our South East Asian communities, adoption was until not too long ago, discouraged or not publicly announced because of hangups with keeping a pure "bloodline". You will be surprised, I get asked a lot if I "know anything" about my son's biological parents but of course I tell ppl that I don't need to know and they certainly don't!
I am not sure why you are directing this at me but I will explain a bit about my own circumstance. I really didn't ever need to tell people I was adopted it was quite obvious through appearance. I don't know what my ethnicity is but my guess is I am biracial something. Every now and then I consider doing a dna ethnicity test but have yet to do it. I have no idea who my biological parents are and I doubt I could find out even if i was inclined to do so. My adopted son is asian and as a baby if he threw a tantrums people would look at me like I was trying to abduct him. We know the identity of my son's birth mother and have tried to instil in him the belief she gave him up through love because she knew she couldn't love him as he deserved. Now at 17 he is quite indifferent about her (he has never met her but we could find her if need be) and at the moment he shows neither malice nor the desire to meet her.
This is just how it has played out for me and myson but of course each case is different. I hope it might help parents who have adopted or are considering adoption.
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This is very touching story,and very admirable to hear the honestly feeling in this situation.
I think it`s not important to tell people who you are or if you are adopted. It doesn`t matter as long as your life is in good hands since you had been adopted by your kind hearted parents.
If ever the kid will ask it`s his/her right to know but it depends whether you really need to tell the truth. If the truth doesn`t change your relationship with him then reveal it.
But if not you have to think many times if you will tell.
And if ever she/he wants to see the birth mother , that is very brave to do for a child,some of them wants to meet their real mother but some of them they just want to meet just to blame them.
And it will not be good for both side.
Yes, everyone has a different case.
In your case maybe you can consider to be lucky one that you found a home and a parents that you can really feel the love that their giving you since you came to their life.
Hope every adopted child will also cherish that love that they will be needed until they grow up.
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Thank you for your interesting perspectives. We are considering adopting a baby or toddler as we don't seem to conceive naturally. My view is that its a great opportunity to love someone who needs a loving home and family.
Can anyone give me advice on where to start the process in Singapore?
I am based in Singapore.
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