Forums Maternity Care, Fertility, Adoption

Be a single mother?

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ORIGINAL POST
Posted by sexyboop 15 yrs ago
It might sound stupid but I do want to give birth to my own kids while am still biologically feasible, without currently being in any kind of serious relationship.


I don't hate against men, but learned not to have over expectation of any perfect situation. At the age of mid 30s, I am happy with what I have and what I am, after having gone through many valuable lessons in life. Still open to a good and long-term relationship but really not my first priority to look for as one always has little control over whom you meet, letting alone Mr. Right.


Have also thought about adoption instead, but that is not exactly what I want.


And money is not too much of a problem.


It's clear it's never easy to be a parent, but how difficult could it be to be a single mother, while it's supposed to be a natural responsibility for every woman? Can the kid still grow up happily without a father?


Well, where to find a man who is willing and then let go of everything would be another issue. Sperm bank?

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COMMENTS
Slammy 15 yrs ago
There are many people out there who are single mothers. If you are financially secure, you'll be fine.


I know a woman who, like you, wanted a family and didn't meet the man of her dreams. She adopted two children from Thailand, she has a full-time job and she hired a helper. And they are all very happy together.


Regarding your "sperm" situation... hhhmmm, don't know anything about that!


I wonder... will I get brutally shot down by suggesting picking someone up in Wanchai and then never seeing them again...? ;-)


If that's not your thing... here's an article on Sperm Banks. Seems there's one at the Sanotorium Hospital, but maybe it's only for couples and it could be costly.


Read More


Another option is to freeze your eggs and save them for later... in the hope that you do eventually meet someone.

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axptguy38 15 yrs ago
"Can the kid still grow up happily without a father?"


Yes of course. More importantly, it is better to have one good parent than to have two bad ones. In a place like HK you can also hire a helper. While the helper will never be a parent, she can love and nurture too. Our helper certainly does a great job as part of the "fostering team", if you will. "It takes a village" and all that. There is no need to be too traditional as long as the well being of the child is foremost in your mind.


You will probably hear from some that there is research that shows that two parents regardless of gender (as in even same-sex) are better for the child than one, but remember that's statistics. Individual cases can vary widely. As I said, one good parent is better than having two crappy ones.


"will I get brutally shot down by suggesting picking someone up in Wanchai and then never seeing them again...? ;-)"


Personally I think that scenario fails due to STD risks, especially HIV and hepatitis.

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sexyboop 15 yrs ago
Thanks Slammy for the links and axptguy38 for the encouragement! Both helps.


I did think about picking a random guy in Wanchai, did meet some good and decent people there. But I guess they would be probably scared off if I tell them my "purpose", and doubt if the connection can be easily cut off? Would man can get himself out of it afterwards?

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axptguy38 15 yrs ago
Quite. Even if you say there's no obligation you can come back after a year or two and demand money. Most men wouldn't trust you on this one whatever you say. Also many men would still feel emotional ties.


I'd definitely go sperm bank.

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flashback 15 yrs ago
Well... there's always the issue of identity with any child/person who doesn't know who his father or biological parents are. But above and beyond the child, there's you to consider. It's not easy being pregnant, and alone, nursing a sick child, or dealing with a child with a problem i.e. autism, disability etc. alone. Being a single parent is a demanding life and emotionally challenging. It requires the support of a lot of others inside and outside of the family. Money is important, but it is a long journey to raise a child to adulthood and beyond. A child need his/her parents throughout his/her life to role-model so many things. Sure, there are lots of bad parents who are worse than none at all, but this is a big decision. It is lonely dealing with a rebellious teenager on your own and all the stages before and later...etc. etc....

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Slammy 15 yrs ago
That's true what you say, Flashback, that it's not an easy journey to raise a family. But we can't expect something so amazingly rewarding to be easy!


The point is, there are women out there who want a family and children of their own, but you can't control whether or not you meet the man of your dreams. If you don't meet the right man, then you suggest settling for second best? Will that lead to divorce, or two unhappy parents?


Women can sit there, let the biological clock tick away until one day, it's too late to have their own children. Or they can take the initiative, like Sexyboop is thinking about.


It was always my plan too. If I don't meet the right guy, I will adopt kids by the time I'm 40 years old, so I can still be a great mother and still experience the ups and downs of raising a family. If you have the finances, anything is possible.


In addition to that woman in HK who adopted two Thai kids, I know a highschool classmate who worked in Cambodia, adopted two Cambodian kids, and took them back to Australia with her. That wouldn't have been easy! And yet I'm sure she feels blessed everyday... otherwise, maybe she'd still be living a single existence to this day. She's only in her late 30s as well.


By the way... the Wanchai suggestion - actually it's a very bad idea, now that I think about it. For sure, your children will ask where is the father? You want to tell them the story of getting drunk and having a one-night stand and then you have no idea where the father is. Noooooo......

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selda 15 yrs ago
i would not pick up a random guy....just think about the risk of getting a nasty STD instead of getting pregnant.

Go to a fertility clinic for IUI (intra-uterine insemination, much cheaper than IVF) and buy donor sperm which has been tested and screened for genetic diseases etc. If you are single you cannot do it in HK, but you can arrange a trip to Australia, US or anywhere in Europe. If you are Chinese, and want a child that looks Asian, Thailand is your best bet.





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UK1971 15 yrs ago
You cannot have fertility treatment in Hong Kong without being married so I guess you need to look oeverseas.

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UK1971 15 yrs ago
Sexy boop why dont you PM me?

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Scuba chick 15 yrs ago
Please note, HK does not allow you to do this without being married. I did it here, but must have been the last person allowed to do it.

There are very few places in APJ that allow this. India is one place where you can and they have some good clinics there. You should look into Fairfax spermbank as well as california sperm bank. Both were recommended to me by the top chinese fertility Dr here in HK. Good luck. It is a great experience. And the best way to do it. You don't want the complication of gettign pregnant with someone you don't know or have just met and have the baggage for a life time. It is easier to have a discusion with your child that you choose to have them, because you loved them in your heart, before you had them. If you have a father in the picture - think about the agreement - what sort of invovlement, support, etc that you would want, prior to doing anything.

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