When to try again ...

Such tragic news ... after all the excitement of being pregnant we found out at the 20 week scan that we had lost the baby and I needed to have a termination procedure (induced labour to deliver the baby). Was devastating and we are both still devastated.


We need to give ourselves time to recover emotionally but was wondering if anyone knew when we could start TTC again. We are going to see our specialist for a follow up appointment in a week or so and will ask her but any experience as to how long it takes the body to recover? Presumably I have to wait for my period to return?


Thanks all

Starbucks2, I am terribly sorry to hear that. Having had 4 m/cs I know how awful they are, but 20 weeks must have been devastating (luckily all of mine happened much earlier). My only advice would be to give it some time. My first one knocked me for six, so we waited a few months before trying again.


I asked a miscarriage specialist how long we should wait between attempts and she said that your body will not allow you to conceive until you are physically and emotionally ready to do so. She said that historically, doctors had advised to wait a certain number of periods, partly for dating purposes and partly to allow emotional recovery time. The dating problem has been overcome by modern scans and the recovery time tends to be less as ultrasounds tend to detect m/cs earlier nowadays, often making it easier to come to terms with. Bear in mind though, that she advised me based on early miscarriages, the advice may be different for later losses.


In your case, you've endured a lot more than those of us who have miscarried in the first trimester, so only you and your husband will know when you're upto it again. For some people, another pregnancy is the only way to try to heal the loss. Best of luck!!!!

Thanks MrsL for the advice. Poor you having to endure 4 miscarriages. It is not until you have been through this that you hear the number of other people who have also been in the same situation. I was so worried throughout the pregnancy (didn't even feel more relaxed after the 3 month scan) but was only just getting less concerned so that did made it even harder.

There's a lovely lady on this forum who had a m/c at 20 weeks, she might be the best person to speak to. Frankly, what she's been through makes me realise that I've been very lucky. I think it takes a lot more strength to bounce back from those. Usually with the early ones, your expectations are managed from the heartbeat scan at 6/7 weeks.

Ahem, ahem. i assume you are talking about me, mrsl? ( i'm so vain!)

Starbucks2, I am so sorry for your loss. when i read your post, i felt like you have the exact experience as me. i lost my baby at 20 week scan, went through an induced labour to produce a dead baby girl. it was the worst day of my entire life. i cried so loud and went hysterical in the hospital ward that i had 6 nurses in the room trying to calm me down. i know exactly what you went through.

i asked my doctor when i can try again and he says wait for 3 months ( 2 cycles of period ). some people say you can try anytime, but my doctor had a very good explaination. most people miscarry at 6 weeks or so at the first trimester, the baby did not take so much nutrition out of your body. but to miscarry at 20 weeks, is practically like giving birth to a newborn and your body has lost a lot of nutrition just to support the baby till 20 weeks. that is why it is better to wait for 3 month to get your body back into shape. my husband and i wanted to try immediately as we both felt that we were emotionally ready to try for another one, but we waited for that reason. during the 3 month wait, i worked hard to get my body back into shape ( eat well, and start taking pre-natal vitamin just to top up ). 3 month later i tried again and it took me another 3 month to get pregnant. i am now 22 weeks pg, and there is not a single day that i dont worry about the baby. so far so good, the baby is normal and fine.


the reason i lost the baby, was because i was told she was not normal. and i blamed myself because i didn't take folic acid when i was pregnant ( it was an accidental pregnancy). so i seriously advice that you start taking your vitamins and chicken soup during this period when you are recovering if you plan to try again soon. i am no expert but i blame myself for losing the baby because i didn't take good care of myself when i was pregnant. i did not take my vitamins during the first 3 month of my pregnancy because of the morning sickness that i had. it was impossible to take anything in. with this pregnancy, even with the bad morning sickness, i forced myself to swallow those vitamin tablets because i didn't want the same thing to happen again.


take good care of yourself and pm me if you need anything. remember, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

Thanks mother_2005. It sounds like we both had a very similiar situation and I am sorry for your loss also. You should not blame yourself though as sometimes these things just happen through no-ones fault at all. I was also having a baby girl with a unsurvivable defect.


Thanks also for your advice on timing to try again. It all makes perfect sense that the body needs time to recover properly. I know that I am still not back to normal physically now anyway. Emotionally I am still a wreak as well and although I have been back at work a week and a half now, I am still so easily brought to tears. It is strange but it does help to hear other people's stories especially when yours has a happy ending with a well progressed second pregnancy. All the best for the rest of your pregnancy, I hope to be in your position at some stage in the future, Best wishes S2

Mother_2005, I cried when I read your story. I'm so sorry to read about both of your losses, Mother_2005 and Starbucks2.


I had a complicated pregnancy myself. I thank God that I was able to deliver a healthy baby although prematurely but all throughout my complications, there were times when I was in danger of losing her. First due to cysts (I almost needed an operation to remove them) and then due to placenta previa. A nurse also said to me during that time that if the baby is meant to be mine, I will carry it through. Those words stayed with me throughout my pregnancy and up until today.


I cried so much even in the early stages. I spent two years after her birth reading up on my old pregnancy condition obsessively and DAILY. I even took my little girl to see a pediatrician every few months just to make sure she was okay and healthy. In the end, my dr friend said, "I think you should stop taking your daughter to the hospital, it is you that should go see one". It was then that I realised I had a problem, was obsessive and found books to help me deal with my obsession. I never thought that I would be obsessed with anything but I think the experience really left me shakened and feeling guilty that she came early. I didn't see a dr or saw a counsellor. Rather, I found support from a forum with women who had premature babies. Perhaps you too could find similar forums and talk to the ladies there about what they did and how long it took them to get over it? I always wanted another child but I too waited until I was okay emotionally before I proceeded with trying for #2.


Now when I say I'm okay, I won't lie and say I'm totally over it. I still cry whenever I think about what I went through and of course I overprotect my little girl because of it but I've stopped my obsession. I'm beginning to accept that it happened and am slowly letting go of my guilt.


Good luck Starbucks2. Everything happens for a reason and it makes you stronger and it also makes you appreciate your next one a whole lot more.

starbuck, you will be in my position, i guarantee that!! i dont deny that even when i think about the baby girl that i have lost ( i named her skye), i cry. she will be very fondly remembered by me and my husband. there is no way you can totally forget about this experience, but like what MayC have said, it made you treasure what you have even more. allow yourself to grieve, it's healthy. MayC, you are a wonderful mother, dont let others tell you otherwise. you can never be overprotective over your daughter, it's in the genes of every mother!

Dear all

I share your story & somehow find some comforts. Just lost a baby of 8 weeks. As compared with you gals, I guess it's really nothing. Still, it hurts so much emotionally.

I didn't really stay home & rest. I thought may be going back to work will help me. I lost the baby on Sun nite. It was confirmed on Mon. Though I knew it, I still cried so hard.

Now, my concern is what is the next step. Doc said I should go back to see her next Mon. My friend said the remining should come out all at one. Is that true for everyone? I am still bleeding like I am having a period. But nothing like what my friend described. Is that normal?

What do you do to regulate your body? Chicken soup with chinese herbs? Or just plain chicken soup........