Posted by
starworld
17 yrs ago
Hi everyone, yesterday i had my 2nd Vag. U/S (8W5D)and unfortunately doc can't find any HB, my DH and I was so devastated, i cried all night can't stop thinking about it, keep asking myself,if i did something wrong that makes the baby stop growing etc.
I'd noticed that last friday i had some dizziness. right now don't feel any pregnancy symptoms anymore, sore boobs get less and less.
Going back again on Monday for another U/S if no bleeding this week and hoping that next time they'll see something there . Hoping for some miracle.
(I am based in Hong Kong)
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I used to work in the "early pregnancy loss unit" when doing O&G attachment, and this is a universal plea - "did I do anything wrong?" - and the answer is an unequivocal "no!" It is also (almost) universal that mothers and fathers go through a grieving process just as much as if you had lost a parent or sibling - but there is no-one you can really share this with, because there is nothing to show, so you will be desperately alone, blaming yourself and feeling guilt, anger and depression.
This is normal! You are most certainly not alone! And it is awful, and will be awful for a while. No getting over it easily - but you will. Please chat with someone who has gone through this too, sharing is good. If someone comes with a platitude, it is OK to want to smack them across the face. And you will get pregnant again soon.
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docboat/cara, thanks alot.
i can't still believed that this is happening to me and i am really MAD and blaming myself. i did all my best look after myself but feel like everything i had done was not enough to keep the baby.
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Yes, every mother feels that way - at least, in my experience. And my answer has always been the same: the things you feel are "right" - that is what people feel like, this is the way it is with feelings. But you have done nothing wrong. If we were to look into what happened, we might find things - genetic issues, technical things, but these have nothing, absolutely nothing, to do with your loss.
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mrsl
17 yrs ago
starworld, so sorry for your loss. Totally agree with cara and docboat - this is absolutely NOT your fault, unfortunately 'just not meant to be'. I promise you that it will get easier, just give yourself time. There is no reason why you cannot have a healthy pregnancy when you are ready. Very best wishes!!!!
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Starworld,
So sorry to hear what you are going thru - it is an awful place to be. But dont lose faith and dont blame yourself.
I have been there twice now. I had a blighted ovum last year - no heart beat at 6w and then at 7.5 w or so we had a sunction and evacuation procedure. Then July this year we got pregnant again and ended up with a strong heartbeat at 6 w and at 7w - but when we went back at 9w baby's heart had stopped. My heart stopped too - This was slightly over three weeks ago. I have since had another S&E procedure.
I lost faith that weekend. I cried several times. The good thing is I feel fine now. I have started exercising again and eating everything that I like. I have started drinking coffee. I have decided to look at it like it was a dress rehearsal - and the next time I will be able to get it right. I have decided to make the most of it - until I get pregnant again.
Please do take care!
HF
If you want to talk, do send me a PM.
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Starworld,
I am sure you are sick of people telling you that you will get there but it really is true. I had two situations very similar to yours and now I am finally 16 weeks pregnant still worried but hopefully passed the danger stage.
I remember spending ages wondering what i had done wrong and wanting to punch the next person who told me "at least this means you can get pregnant".
I too have spent alot of time crying but try to be kind to yourself, this is not your fault.
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To everyone, really appreciate your messages. now started to think more positive again.
i guess that just need to accept the fact that this baby is not meant to be with us. it just that its really difficult for me as i had gone through a lot to have this baby.
To Havefaith and Rose1234, I admire you both, you guys are very tough, i know one day I'll get over this horrible situation like you did.
I'm going back for another u/s on Monday (Still hoping for miracle) and if i don't bleed till Monday i am sure doc will suggest the D&C thing, just wondering if they use general anesthesia, my doc never mention to me about the D&C yet but he never give us HOPE, so i assumed that i am going through this procedure on Monday.
Again thanks everyone..
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Hi Starworld, so sorry to hear this. After my 4th IUI I was in a similar position last month, was only six weeks along ad hadn't yet had a scan but my symptoms stopped very suddenly, I then had a bleed during that night and a few scans over the next week or two. I had the suction and evacuation under general anaesthetic, not sure if that's what all Drs do so you should check. Still hoping for your miracle though on Monday.
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GynnyMc, So sorry for you loss too.
Which is better to do, the D&C or I'll just wait for normal miscarriage, as until now still no cramping or any symptom of miscarriage aside from all the symptoms of pregnancy are totally stop.
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Starworld, not sure which is better to do, I wasn't given the option - the Dr didn't think it would happen by itself. Being in hospital is never pleasant and because I had some pain afterwards I was kept in overnight as well which I wasn't expecting. Obviously if it happens naturally then you are avoiding general anaesthetic which is good but I really have no idea what happens/how long it takes if you let nature take its course.
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Starworld,
I have gone both ways and for me my prefrence which I never hope to experience again is the D&C. I have no problem with anaesthetic and had no pain afterward. The natural took ages for me and eventually caused considerable pain. That said there are others on this site that prefer the natural route. Sorry not much help, if you don't get your miracle talk to your doctor see what he advises.
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mrsl
17 yrs ago
starworld, I've had 2 D&Cs and 2 'natural' m/cs. There was no real difference in terms of emotional or physical recovery from either method. If you do not see that wonderful heartbeat on Monday, I'd go with whatever your doctor recommends. That wait seems unending, I know. Keeping everything crossed for you.
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Starworld, I had a suction and evacuation done last year (after the blighted ovum) and then 3 weeks ago - both were under general. The doctor suggested it and I preferred it that way.
I was not in good shape after the procedure last year. Always found myself to be out of breath. This time around I was back at yoga 2 days later - and feeling much more OK with the bad news than I was before. Although it was the same procedure - I had different doctors performing the procedures - and I think that made a difference.
I do so wish you to find a HB on Monday - just in case you dont - do be strong and keep the faith!
HF
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!@#$%^&*()
How long did you wait til you tried again? I had the S&E 31/2 weeks ago - and then last week I had haerrmoging. I was doing better before the episode last week. I am now really paranoid.
Did you do anything between your m/c and TTC? TCM? or anything?
HF
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!@#$%^&*(),
That's very positive. Do you remember how long it was after your m/c you got your period?
Best of luck with your pregnancy. I hope all goes well.
HF
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Everyone just want to update you what is going on to me. yesterday i went for another ultrasound and DOC confirmed that it's gone so, like !@#$%^&*() said QMH gave me 3 option, QMH dont really recommend the S & E so, i chose the Medical induce miscarriage.
!@#$%^&*() was right. it was very painful emotionally and physically to go thru, i cant stop crying even when they took me in the other room to remove the whole thing.
I feel better now and hoping to get pregnant again ..
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mrsl
17 yrs ago
Sorry to hear that starworld, have been checking back over the last day or so hoping that you might have gotten your miracle. Cry as much as you want, it will get easier in time. And you will get pregnant again when you are physically and emotionally up to it. Look after yourself!
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Starworld,
"Cry if you want to" - dont hold it in. I have cried three or four times in the past 4 weeks. It is a tough road - lets do it together. I keep on thinking this is just a test and things will get easier.
HF
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