Posted by
Gabriella
17 yrs ago
Hi,
I had a D & C earlier this week after finding out on my second visit that the pregnancy had not continued past 5-6 weeks (I was supposed to be 11 weeks). There was no indication of miscarriage - just some very light bleeding about 3 weeks ago - the doctor called it a missed miscarriage. The actual procedure was ok, unfortunately I was on the same ward as the new mums so had to walk past the nursery on my way to theatre which was absolutely heartbreaking!
I'm ok - 'sort of' emotionally and really want to try and focus on trying again as soon as possible.
*We already have a beautiful 10 month old who we would love a sibling for. Our first babe was a twin - but the other babe's heartbeat stopped at 9 weeks (both were healthy at the 8 week scan, we found out at the 12 week scan that we had lost 1).
I have a couple of reasons for posting:
1) feel a bit alone as I don't have any close friends that have been through anything similar. So I guess I am looking for some support and to hear if anyone has been through something similar - especially D & C and then gone on to have a healthy babe.
2) I have had no cramping and little bleeding, does that mean the worst has past or is there sometimes a delayed reaction?
3) does anyone know how soon after D & C we can start trying again?
Would love to hear some happy, positive comments.
Thank you,
G
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i didn't have a D&C but a good friend of mine did around x'mas 06, it was her 2nd pregnancy (she already has one healthy tot), went for scan and not growing too well at 9 weeks. but by mar/april 07, she was pregnant again and now a mother of a lovely 3 month old.
stay positive.
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Thank you Wheelymate.
I hope I fall pregnant again soon - I'm a little scared (probably irrationally) that I won't.
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Hi. I had a D&C more than a year ago after the heartbeat stopped at 9 weeks. There were no signs I miscarried (no bleeding, cramping etc.) and the sac just kept growing.
I am now due to give birth to my first baby tomorrow. (started trying again after having 2-3 normal menstrual cycles).
Always stay positive and remember that things happen for a reason sometimes. I wish you all the luck.
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These things happen. We "lost" one at about 15 weeks. No sign of my wife's body wanting to rid itself of it, though. She had to have a d&c around 18 weeks. Since then we have had two beautiful girls.
I know it's easy to say but you need to relax and think positive.
2) I have had no cramping and little bleeding, does that mean the worst has past or is there sometimes a delayed reaction?
I don't think so.
3) does anyone know how soon after D & C we can start trying again?
Ask your doctor but I would guess around 6 weeks.
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Missloney - good luck over the next few days, how exciting! I loved carrying and having my little babe.
axptguy38 - thank you for your kind words, congrats on the 2 girls! Was your wife as anxious as me? My poor husband is a little worried about me..I am worried about him as he hasn"t cried (I have - a lot!). He thought it was his son - on the way to the doctors on Monday we joked about names, then he was worried about me being operated on.
I feel like I let everyone down - especially my husband and little girl. I can't talk to anyone about it - as it seems that no-one talks about it.
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sorry re: lost babe before _ we lost 1 twin, the other was ok and is now the beautiful 10 month old I mentioned earler.
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Gabriella - you haven't let anybody down, it may feel like this for a little while but nature has it's own funny way of handling things.
I do understand your issue that nobody seems to talk about this stuff. I felt that as well. What I did when I lost my baby is wrote him/her a letter to say goodbye - afterwards I burned the letter and threw it in the sea
This was my way of dealing with it since it's not something people speak about.
I hope you will be well.
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I put the initial scan, the medical bracelet, and the doctors card in an envelope and placed it in an envelope in our safe. I said a prayer when I closed the door.
My husband is so sad he's gone to work today - his best friend called and didn"t even know about the D & C (which I told him about).
I am back to work on Monday. I definately can"t mention it there.
Why is it so taboo?
Onwards and upwards - I know it's going to be ok, I just wish I could talk about it.
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"axptguy38 - thank you for your kind words, congrats on the 2 girls! Was your wife as anxious as me? My poor husband is a little worried about me..I am worried about him as he hasn"t cried (I have - a lot!). He thought it was his son - on the way to the doctors on Monday we joked about names, then he was worried about me being operated on."
We weren't really that anxious. Lots and lots of women have miscarriages of various kinds but there's this whole taboo thing. The child we lost was already showing signs of problems during the nucal translucency test a couple of weeks prior. It was for the best. As misslooney says, nature has a way of dealing with things.
It's silly how no one wants to talk about it. It's perfectly natural and happens all the time. Miscarriages are exceedingly common and some literature suggests most women have probably had at least one, albeit mostly too early to notice.
"Why is it so taboo?" - Ancient societal pressure to have babies, and for women to bear healthy babies for their husbands.
Some people may think us a bit cold but we were careful not to grow attached to baby until the "miscarriage window" had passed after about 5 months. So there were no tears. Just a bit of resigned sadness. Having said that, tears are not a bad thing. As you say, onwards and upwards. Have your husband take you out to a nice dinner and have all those things you missed while pregnant (be it sushi, unpasteurized cheese, raw meat, wine...). When I took my wife home from the hospital I fixed her a dinner with "carne cruda" (northern Italian raw beef dish) as an appetizer and a grilled rare filet mignon steak with oven baked potatoes + a lovely Amarone. This to compensate for the raw meat and red wine she wasn't allowed (and missed horribly) during pregnancy. Celebrate being together, being in love, being able to imagine a future where a baby will come. Fall asleep holding each other like you did when you first met. This is not the end. It's simply a new beginning.
If you need to talk about it, send me a PM and I'll give you my cell number.
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I tried not to get attached - but I think it's natural.
My husband just came home and he is angry I am discussing this>
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Sorry I don't know how to pm
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"My husband just came home and he is angry I am discussing this."
Tell him that if he won't talk with you about it, you have to find another outlet. Bottling it in won't help.
No wait. Start by telling him to stop being such a child. And to treat his wife with respect. (Sorry my blood is boiling).
I'll pm you btw.
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hello! i know what you feel gabriella.. i had my d & c last october, 07. that was my second pregnancy and my 2nd d & c as well.. i really want to have a baby. a child of my own but im so afraid that same thing might happen again..
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I'm exactly the same - oscillate between wanting to be pregnant NOW and terrified.
Having said that I actually feel much better this week - last week, I googled endlessly, bought 5 books (that all told me the same thing) and went to 1 ridiculous doctor for a second opinion (the clown charged me $$5K, only to tell me to come back in 3 months). Not to mention the fact that I isolated my husband, who probably felt just as bad as me.
THEN, I talked to my very calm, balenced GP and realised that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Miscarriages happen all the time and we are not alone. The trick is to be grateful for what we do have, start enjoying sex just because...it's FUN!
Maybe if we're lucky we might get pregnant again if not then we had a lot of fun trying.
I'm the type to over analyse, but after speaking to my GP I realise that you just have to move on and take one day at a time. This is how I feel today, maybe tomorrow I may not be so strong...but perhaps the day after that I might feel good again, which is 2 days of feeling great which is better than the 7 I spent dwelling & feeling depressed previously :)
blank_page03, I wish you all the best and I do understand (believe me, I do) how you feel. Hang in there, fingers crossed that everything will be ok.
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HI Gabriella,
i also had a miscarriage 3 weeks ago and lost it at around 9weeks. This was our first success to IVF and we thought wow...expecting the best to happen. I had some spotting 2 days before and then night before started bleeding. It was devastating, I had an appt with the doctor next day and confirmed the lost. Actually our doctor sort of expected the embryo not to develop properly as it had a weak heart beat at 7weeks.
Last couple of weeks has been tough. Crying, sobbing, thinking of what went wrong as I've been eating healthy, doing light excercise. And then I've been reading from sites & books that nothing can stop a miscarriage. I guess the hardest part is thinking God is giving it to you and then taking it away at the same time. My 2 best friends know about it and I told hubby that I don't want our parents to know about it. (also, our parents have been longing for their grandchild) Also, one of my best friend, she is now 6 months prego, and my sister in law is also 10 weeks prego. It felt like everyone else except me is getting prego. It seems so easy for others.
I do have thoughts now and then but trying to keep myself busy to avoid negative thoughts. Been beefing up on nutrients like making chicken soup with chi herbs every day and taking chi herbal medicine. Chinese say that women who went thru miscarriage need to take extra nutrients and tune back our bodies. I'm feeling alot better now and hope to work on my next cycle. I know that time is not on my side (doctor said i have poor ovary reserve) so hopefully the year of the Rat will bring some baby vibes.
Will keep you in my prayers. This site has been great, people have been giving me so much emotional support too. Thanks guys!!!
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Hi Alijbj,
I am sorry and I understand - we lost one of our twins at 9 weeks, that was my first pregnancy. Both had strong heart beats at 6 - 8 weeks, but when we went for the 12 week scan, 1 had succumbed. The hardest thing was telling people - we had been so excited about the pregnancy, twins etc, and then to have to revert and explain we had lost 1 was very hard. Carrying the other twin to term was terrifying, because every time I had a scan I held my breathe and prayed to see a heart beat.
Having just gone through a misccariage (mine was a missed miscarriage / silent miscarriage which required a D & C) - this time it was a single pregnancy and I never saw a heart beat, I think it is easier to deal with (sort of). Seeing a heart beat (even if weak) and then not was much harder (at least for me). I can relate to your story because the initial pain was so great, this time I am upset but I think I was resigned because that precious, little heartbeat was never seen.
It's sad that no-one talks about it and wouldn't be great if there was a support group, just so we could talk.
Then again, I spent most of last week being a crazy lady searching every possible source - internet, books, 1 expensive second opinion - for answers. I searched for stats on pregnancy, miscarriage, liklihood of reoccurance, how long it would take to recover, what diet I needed to follow....
It's painful and it hurts and I know how it feels when you hear about someone else if pregnant or even see another happily pregnant lady (warning - do not visit baby shops / this crazy lady went to Bumps to Babes last week...bad move:)
I guess you just have to try and focus on the positives, 1 day at a time.
Fingers and toes crossed everything will be ok - and a few prayers :)
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"I spent most of last week being a crazy lady searching every possible source - internet,"
The Internet is bad for you that way. You get lots of information and you tend to read the "worst".
Anyway good luck to you all!
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Yep, I did. I was very overwhelmed and I wanted to understand why and how. I thnk I read the same thing about 100 tmes.
I now have a PhD and I am thinking of opening my own practise :)
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HI Gabriella,
Also, just a reminder, to get your body back into shape, don't take any cold drinks or ice cream and of course no alcohol for 6 weeks. Chinese doctor says that cold drinks are bad for you anyways.
take care
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mrsl
17 yrs ago
Gabriella, I am so sorry for your losses. I don't know if it's that the subject is taboo or that people react differently to both breaking and receiving the news of m/c. I know that many people don't say that they have lost a baby because they either don't want to be pitied or don't think that people will understand. Personally (I've had 4 m/cs), I hate the platitudes. I know that people mean well, but they really do not help me.
I've found that it amazing how many people open up about their personal experiences of m/c once they hear that you've been through it too. Once you know that someone can relate, your shared stories seem to give more comfort. I have found this forum marvellous in that regard.
Whenever I felt sorry for myself, I'd see how amazingly strong other women have been and derive strength from them. My worst experience was bleeding just before my 12 week scan only to confirm by scan that I had miscarried weeks earlier. That paled into insignificance compared to the women who learned that they had lost their babies at their 20 week scans and still managed to be positive and try again.
As far as trying again is concerned, take the adice of your doctor. Mine advised that my body would be ready when I was emotionally prepared to try again.
I have 3 perfect children now (baby, 2 m/cs, baby, 2 m/cs, baby). I am so glad that I never have to go down that road again (we're stopping at 3), but am equally glad that we kept trying no matter how difficult each loss was.
Take your time. Agree with the above posters that the web can be your best friend and your worst enemy (cannot begin to list the ways I self-diagnosed incorrectly). It's tough on the husbands too, I think they try to be strong for us and do not allow themselves to grieve as a result (not to mention having to deal with our crazy hormones). Good luck!!!
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Thank you mrs! Congratulations on your beautiful babes. The m/c's must have been tough and you must be tremendously strong to have gone through so much and come out the other end.
I agree, my situation pales in comparison to those who are dealing with late term m/c. Those ladies are truly brave and quite amazing.
Feeling ho hum today - almost the weekend.
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Gabriella
I found that talking to a therapist was the best step I could take in dealing with my miscarriage. It gave me an outlet, and provide a platform to talk things thru with my husband as well (he didnt attend the session with the therapist but he and I talked thru a lot of things later). I felt that he didnt feel the way I did, and in truth he didnt because he hadnt gone thru it at the same level. But when I was able to calmly (due to doing all the tears with the therapist) review things with him, he was able to let his feeling out a lot more and we really were able to move forward. Therapy cant take away what has happened but it gave me an different way to deal with those thoughts. I had always said never re therapy but I am so glad I did. If you would like a recommendation for who I used then I would be happy to pass on.
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Hi Kiwimmc,
Thank you for your suggestion in regards to a therapist, that is very kind. I am feeling a lot better compared to when I first posted.
I feel almost talked & cried out. I'm in a better mindset now and keeping busy with work, my husband has also been very supportive.
It's been a very sad time, but I have learnt a lot from this - not the least of which is how grateful I am for my beaufitul daughter and kind, loving husband.
Focusing on work is also helping...part of my role is philanthropic, so that grounds & reminds me of how lucky I am.
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