How Not To Save A Marriage

"So if a week in Bali, a new or renovated house, or a baby won't salvage a marriage, what will? Not surprisingly, therapists recommend therapy."


Spot on advice and have to say, rarely taken by most...


Good article on this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/vicki-larson/how-not-to-save-a-marriag_b_920464.html


Folks, how many of you have been there or know someone who has been there?

Well, the therapists need to earn a living, and people with excess money need to throw it on something....


Personally, once you're at the doorstep of a therapist to save your marriage, it's the biggest sign of it being ROTTEN & OVER.


I was there once, and two visits were enough for me to take the decision that my marriage was finished.


Love, and loving and passionate sex, are the only things that can save a marriage, ... , but then if those are there, the need to "save" it doesn't arise!! My take.

Totally agree with you zonked...love, mutual respect (caring) and a good sex life definitely help ensure your relationship isnt in the "needs saving" inbox.


Sadly, everytime I read about relationships on here, ones gone south for the winter and beyond, well, its disheartening...but it appears, not just on these forums, but even evident in the lives of the people around me, many seem to think that positive thinking or ignoring a problem is the way to get through life.


Time and again I seem people, even ones I know, who dont respect themselves enough to know the kind of partner they want to be and the kind of partner they deserve...sad, but happening everywhere!


I personally have never been to marriage therapy, and also do not know anyone who has been to it and successfully saved their marriage. I know one person who went to marriage therapy and after a handful of sessions it became quite clear the marriage could not be saved. I do know folks who have had babies to save their marriage...and all it did, as the article mentions, was cause more stress and then for the twosome to stay in a loveless, stressed out marriage many moons longer before they honestly admitted they were flogging a dead horse.

Marriage works by loving the right person enough to make the right choices as you do so.Marriage counselling continues to be identified by many people with different points of views. Some are brought with the concept that marriage counselling is made for couples who have problems in relationship or are on the brink of splitting up. Additionally, a number of people believe that getting any kind of counseling isn’t a necessity in that people ought to keep their problems to themselves and do not want to have their soiled laundry strung out in public places. Some consider it an embarassment as sensitive information about the partnership of both partners is given to a stranger. Nonetheless, when does a couple need to go to their marriage therapist, and is it necessary in order to endure the difficulties of marriage?

http://www.wingoodtherapy.com

Andriani, I am not sure your current approach will work. Intimacy is not watching another woman with your husband, its making love to him yourself.


Understand that what you have is not an open relationship; it's an honesty-is-everything relationship. i.e. he can do absolutely anything he wants so long as he tells me. That won’t work. It seems to be an over reaction to the hurt you experienced when you were deceived before. Ultimately, it will result in more hurt.


You might consider an open relationship. Some couples can live with an open relationship, but most cannot. I suppose the answer is no.


You need to ask yourself, is there some reason that you alone cannot satisfy your husband ? Sure, there’s temptation in Asia, but not every man strays. Many can find satisfaction at home. If you want to save your marriage you need to be honest about this - why does he need to go outside ? Can you be the sexy woman he desires ? Can you provide the excitement he craves ?


Finally, I think the real question for your marriage is do your values match ? Your expectation of a marriage is very tightly knit with your husband and you and sharing everything. Your husband’s ideal seems much more open.


Good Luck.

*SMH* And this all falls into my "too many cooks, spoil the broth" category.


Its strange when people think inviting other people into their bed will end up being something good in the long term...

The point of "saving" the marriage should not come IMHO.

Dr Phil summed it up for me.

"once the verbal abuse starts its very difficult to come back"


I've always thought a great relationship needs 3 things,

Communication.

Respect, loyalty and trust.

and of cause great sex.


If you have 2 out of 3, you need to work on it to improve the situation and it is recoverable.

1 out of 3, enjoy the ride while you can.

you have all 3, great.

but still nothing is perfect, so you must keep trying to improve.


Then again at the other end of the scale, if your single, the minimal qualification to find a partner, is a Dick and a job.

=P