Friends

How would you speak to your friends if you were me?


Friend #1: He had been jobless for 2 years until he landed an Admin Manager position a few months ago. He stays in the UK and whenever he visits me, he would ask me to take him out to dinner. In return, he would buy me some things from the supermarkets in the UK, like a tin of hot chocolate or reheatable packed food (I didn't request for them though).


I've had an argument with him on his expectations before- I said while I didn't mind taking him out for dinner, I didn't like the way he made it sound like I was obliged to. He expressed some embarrassment and this argument was quickly resolved. But he continued to ask to be taken out and I continued to take him to nice restaurants for his next few visits. I figured that he's jobless and buying a friend dinner isn't that much of a big deal.


Occassionally, he would also ask for stuff. For instance, if I mentioned that I controlled the corporate gifts for my company, he would ask me for some. Or he would ask for the price of certain items and drop hints. I've said no to all these.


Recently, he wrote to me to tell me about settling down in his new job. His boss was supposed to take him and a few colleagues out for lunch to welcome him. He suggested a restaurant with a Michelin star. The boss got scared off by the Michelin star. He thought the place would be expensive and suggested another restaurant. That pissed off my friend and he went on an eating rampage and ordered 5 courses. The total bill came up to 150 pounds for 4 people.


My friend is gay and we're platonic friends. He has some good qualities of course and had been supportive of me recently when I was going through a rough patch. Yet I cannot help but be disturbed about his expectations and behaviour. How would you talk to him if you were me?


Friend 2: He lives in Zurich and writes to me regularly. He sometimes drops hints about liking me. I've always replied in indirect ways that I don't think of him that way and often encourage him to meet and date new people. He would reply in a neutral manner and things would be back to normal for a few months before another relapse. I don't think he really likes me or is sincere about me, I'm just another option and he's trying his luck. If you were me, how would you draw the boundaries of the friendship more clearly?

mpl, love the second options!

mpl, Now I am sure of it....next time I need relationship advice I will be going directly to you!

Haha mpl, I like your option twos....


An update on what's happened so far: I told Friend 2 I was going on holiday to Europe and he invited himself along to be my guide. As he's currently dating actively and looking for a girlfriend, I said it's better we not travel together because by the time I go, he would have found someone and I don't want to create a misunderstanding. I further added that there can never be anything more than friendship between us. He came back with another neutral reply. I sure hope there won't be another relapse in another few months!


About Friend 1, I'm still undecided what to do. He won't visit till next year so maybe there's time to talk about this. I will however drop him an email soon to tell him that I'm disturbed by his behaviour not so much to judge him but to highlight the repercussions this would have on his relationship with his boss.


Thanks anyway for your input... I will probably cop some lines from your script :)

Friend 2 response option 3: I've been thinking deeply about your emails regarding our relationship and have decided that you're "the one." I could leave Saturday, meet you in Vegas, and it would be true heaven. I have taken liberty to register online with Macys. Won't our children be CUTE???

travelinteacher, don't tempt fate, he might just say yes! In which case, I'd be in such trouble I'd never get away from it. Oh the horrors!

You're right, Trix. It's always a risk. I was reading between the lines that he was a bit of a playboy. Upon re-reading it, I'd advise back to mpl's option 2.