Posted by
bbc88
17 yrs ago
in the past year I have tried very hard to mend a broken relationship but it has not worked. I have been depressed for such along time and I am an emotional wreck. It is like an addiction that I have. This guy still sees me but is unwilling to commit to me as he wants to be alone right now. he agrees to see me as he does not want to hurt me and enjoys my company but offcourse my agenda is different as I am always hoping for us to be back together again. It has got worst recently as he may now cut me out of his life totaly. we clearly can't be pure friends but I just don't know how to let go of him and us. I feel lonely and desperate and at the same time hate myself for holding on to him and will jump to the chance of being with him which means neglecting other aspects of my life.
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Aw sweetie, I know just how you feel.
When my first boyfriend dumped me I thought it was the end of the world. I kept sleeping with him in the hope that he would remember the error of his ways and take me back. When he cut me out his life, that was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I didn't realise it at the time because obviously I wanted to be with him, but it gave me time to move on and take some time for myself.
Be glad he wants to stop seeing you, because you don't have the strength to stop seeing him. Use this brake to take some time for yourself and think about what you want out of life.
If you feel lonely, see your friends, keep yourself active. Join some clubs or sometime to meet new people. I strongly believe in the rebound shag because I think it makes you feel attractive and helps you to realise that he isn't the only guy who's ever going to love you, but everyone is different.
Stay away from him. It's hard, but it's the only way to get over him.
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bbc88
17 yrs ago
thank you for that. I will try harder this time but its not that easy as I work in the same company as him. It just makes me ache when I see him around and unable to contain myself and end up going by to talk to him.
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sorry 2 hear that, I am also in the same situation ...well kinda...my relationsip has gone for 12 years...and we started having problems after 7 years...and it just dragged on and obviously it was not all that bad but if I had a choice I'd rather broke it off 5 years ago...there is a time limit with girls...so if there is no future, u need to break it off otherwise it is just a waste of time and 5 years later like me, there r more lines on the face........and 5 years ago, i was still sparkling.........
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F100
17 yrs ago
if you are going through Hell....keep on going....
make a plan...
go out with friends, join a club, read a book, exercise...
do whatever you need to keep busy and happy.
good luck.
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bbc88
17 yrs ago
Thank you all for your encouragement. I am such a miserable cow right now. Today is the first day of cutting all ties buts its damm hard and I see him at work. Please tell me why does he want to continue to be friends with me and says he still loves me, cares very much for me and misses me at times. How can he carry on as normal and be happy with what he is doing and just be a friend?
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He enjoys the attention and wants to feel like there's someone out there who wants him. I've done it, a lot of women have done it, and I'm sure men do it. There's no hope of him getting back with you, don't even think about it.
I was still sleeping with my ex for 3 months after we broke up, fooling myself into thinking he'd realise his mistake and take me back. He even slipped once and said, 'Kisses for the girlfriend.'
Everyone feels good about themselves when they know someone has a crush on them. I am very happy with my current boyfriend, and have no intention to leave him or cheat or anything, but I was VERY jealous when I heard that the guy who told me he likes me got a girlfriend.
I think it's just him being him. Don't cling to any hope that he wants you back. He probably thinks he's doing you a kindness.
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"He doesn't want you, the guy is not for you, there are many out there, there isn't an 'only one'," blah, blah, blah.....
Been there too. Every relationship is different. Some are easy to give up. Some are just not.
Going through the same situation right now. He doesn't want me. But he loves me..... And me?? I just cannot stop loving him. Cannot get over him. unsurmountable task. Yet, I have done that earlier with a couple of men.....
So, what is the solution?? Nothing really. Time?? No way! Being hurt by him?? No way! So what?? Start dating?? Oh God, makes me want him even more! Am I weak?? Not at all.
You just want him. But how??
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F100
17 yrs ago
There are probably a million reasons why he is doing what he is doing.
Some of the reason may be,
1. Low self-esteem - he feels special if he thinks someone loves and needs him;
2. He has a big big Ego
3. He's a selfish Pr--K.
4. Total Loser.
5. Childish and immature.
Whatever the reason, Who cares.....
the end result is the same....
Grief, sadness, disappointment, frustration, confusion....
you can't change others, but you can change change your behavior.
The guy that you love has serious problems or issues that needs to be sorted out.
The choice is yours,
more grief for you while he works out his issues, or do something else that makes you happy.
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Choice. Yes. That is everything.
And yes, he has made his choice. He has chosen what he wants
So, no need to wait for anything. Being a fool by still wanting him?? What do you tell your heart? How do you covince your heart to stop wanting. To stop loving.
It is tough. Has to be done. Maybe, it will never happen -- will never get over him.... and how stupid to not be with someone you want to be with so very badly.
No solution.
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bbc88
17 yrs ago
Tell me how is it the men think/he thinks that he can be friends with me despite our past relationship and knowing that I still love him and want something different from him? Why should I offer friendship?
I have said no and he is ok with me cutting all contact but its not what he wants.
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of course it is not what he wants bbc88 as you are no longer there giving him an ego boost!
guys who put women through this kind of thing generally do so cause they are hedging their bets.....meaning they want someone else who hasn't decided if they want to be with that guy or has said no but the man still hopes for them to change their mind & in the meantime he doesn't want to be lonely/alone so keeps you close to fill this void but rest assured that he would dump you the min the other person clicks their fingers..........is your self-esteem/self value so low that you would let someone walk all over you like that?! Why aren't you saying to yourself: "hey I am better than this & deserve better" then cut him off & forget about him. Its not meant to be. Whilst you are wasting your energy on him you could be missing out on the right one for you! you may know this person already, even if you don't, men will pick up on your state/frame of mind & not approach you/run like hell & then you have lost the opportunity to be with someone who wants to be with you 100%.
You need to sort yourself out emotionally before you can start attracting the right person, they won't come near you otherwise.
Have you considered talking to a life coach/counsellor? I know a very good one - a lady who is qualified in both those areas - coaching & counselling, PM me if you want her details otherwise goodluck with it all & move on, the quicker the better :-)
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bbc88
17 yrs ago
I just want to say thank you all for your words. I will try very hard to follow through with this and hope that I will pull out of this state. To stop loving someone is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. I really can't help hoping at times but I know its really silly. I have become an addict to this love and pain I admit that. I did think that I could wean myself off him bit by bit but it got worst so I guess its cold turkey from now. I realise he does have issues himself and I too need to get myself sorted. Thank you all again and I hope that I will have some positive news to post in the near future to you all.
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Good girl!
Stick with it, it will not be easy but VERY worth it in the end! You deserve someone who loves you & only you & will find this when the time is right.
Be strong.
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The guy wants his freedom. There is no point in hoping he will come back to you. It is unlikely that he will and why waste your time when you can be your own person again. It's not going to be easy but the quicker you start the quicker the healing process begins. Cold turkey is the best medicine. My rule of thumb is 1 month for every year together.
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I agree 'candice billove'.
You can not put a time on things like this as there are too many things to factor in, the most important one being that we are all individuals & therefore handle/deal with things differently to others.
If someone can get over a relationship quickly then good for them, however they are probably the lucky few or one of the few who's relationship broke down along time before it ended officially & so had already gone through this process in a different way.
It will take as long as it takes & in reality there may be other issues that person has to deal with that are the real reason for why they are finding it hard to get over someone who they thought/think they love/loved i.e. low self-esteem.
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time is the best healer.
love yourself.
take good care of yourself.
you are very special person,dont let external events disturb your peace of mind.
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