Posted by
thepanther
19 yrs ago
My boyfriend is a foreigner and I really think he has nothing to blame for. He treats his job seriously, treats his girlfriend like a princess and loves his family. However, it just happened all people around me tell me to leave him. My parents think he's a bit old and still has no achievement in his life; my best friend (who is also a foreigner!) think we are not the same type of persons; and now even me myself start to doubt if we could finally make it. I like him quite a bit and so does him. But I hesitate to go further cause I don't want to hurt him, and I don't want to get hurt myself. Really I don't understand why, but I believe there should be some reason for my close friends say the same thing to me. If anyone could give me any suggestion, it would be very helpful.
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gal, u only live one, y bother listening to all the others telling you what to do?
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I had the same experience,
my ex serious bf was a stuntman, he came all the way from Sweden to HK just looked for a chance. I thought he had gut and to be exact, he's heroic to me. But all the others told me he lived in vain and vanity because he pursued sth unpractical and was just wastign his money.
He couldnt buy me anything, he couldnt even treat me a meal (only on V-day adn my b-day) but what the hell do I care? Nth and no one but HIM.
Dun doubt, just do whatever you think is the ebst for u. If u like him quite a bit or more than u said, then it worth a try, right?
Enjoy!
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shaq
19 yrs ago
Girl, I can hear your 'head' talking, not your 'heart'.
If you believe your bf respects you and that he's a good person, why the hell do you wanna listen to what the 'whole-world' is advising?? Hmmm ....
SHAQ
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Justin, thanks a lot for your reply. My parents don't think he is old for me, they just think for his age, he should have achieved something in his life. Well, I have to admit he had spent sometime loafing around but I can see he tries to live a new life now and he does OK in China. I believe we do have different personality, but I also don't think it would be a perfect match if two of us think exactly the same. I feel we are learning from each other - I learn to calm down and he is more enterprising than he was.
You are right that everything has a cost, I just don't understand why we should become a problem. I know we only live once but I also realize how important my Chinese family is to me. I believe if everyone close to me say no to this relationshp, we won't be happy even if we get married.
At the same time, people are telling me I am too young to make a decision like that. There are still world for me to explore and new people for me to meet. I feel I am caught in between.
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we broke up because he kept promising sth that he ate his words so many times that I couldnt take it anymore...
He had to go back to Sweden for a vacation as his parents ordered since he had ben staying in HK for 1.5 years without seeing them at all... and he paid half of my tickets and I was supposed to finally meet his parents and finally gotta see what his real life is like...
However... his old habit... when he was in Hk adn his friends came to visit him, he could just disappear for more than two weeks, no texting, no calls, no no nth... and he thought it was ok for me because im independent... and he didnt understand the sh*t i went thru...
so, same thing happened when he was in SWeden and I was doing my dissertation in HK 20 days before my flight took off... and i called him... told him I wouldnt go to Sweden anymore... 4 days later, he called and told me he wanted to break up, reason "it's the best for every one"
And, 1 month later, he told me he got a new girl friend and they toured around Stockholm... I was, "what d..."
that's my little sh*tty story...
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Heh, SHAQ, I have the problem that I always want to be a responsible person. And I want to hurt no one. :(
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well, how old are u, thepanther?
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Arethusas, I am sorry for you but I feel Swedish guys have the reputation for that. I guess it has to do with most Swedish women are strong and even stronger than their men! Heh. So their men tend to take no responsiblity. Also as you probably know Sweden as the "land of sex", so it's not a big deal for them.
I hope you have got over it and go on with your life. I still believe there are good guys out there. However maybe not too many left though. :)
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shaq
19 yrs ago
Thepanther > If you wanna please everyone, you'll end up pleasing no one, and that is a fact. Listen to your heart. If you can't hear it, then, you're in trouble.
SHAQ
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rats
19 yrs ago
thepanther- I have to agree with arethusas, you only live once.
Relationship is somehting ery personal and don't let people arond you influence your decision. There is no one on earth can understand your relationship and your feelings other than your man and you.
As you said, he is trying and you can see he is improving. He is prefect in every sense in your eyes except two of your family/friends comments,
1) He has no achievements
2) Different Personalities.
For him not having enough achievements, does that really matter to you? How much achievement is enough?? It is sometimes about luck and fate as well. You love him for who he is, not for how much achievement he has (I guess from your parent's p.o.v. it is more in the sense of 'money', right?)
As to having different personalities, who cares? It is about compatability. And it seems you know it clear that you two are doing great and are lerning from each other. So why do you care what others think?? You are the one who can tell if you are enjoying the time with you bf, not others ;)
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thans panther!
im in my early twenties as well~
Well... shaq is right, listen to ur heart or u will regret it... sooer or later...
i missed chances... after him... and for ur info, my parents disliked him adn he knew that an his siblings disliked me and i knew and my friends thoguht he's stupid and had nth but msucle... but...
i fought my battle and i was happy even it turned out... heartbreaking... but i lived my life
O, he's 10 months younger than me
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Mahatma Gandhi said -
A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
Liked this little quote and thought it relevant here...
just my tuppence
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rats
19 yrs ago
Shag- what if my heart tells me two things which are mutually exclusive and I want them both equally??
Everything becomes nightmare.
(sorry to getting off the topic a bit. )
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then toll a dice, hahah~
Kidding
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shaq
19 yrs ago
Rats > I think the heart speaks consistently on one issue (except if one is unstable); so the two things will definitely not be in contradiction.
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Was in the same boat--
but I listened to my heart and followed what it said. He is now my husband and we've been happily married for 4 years.
Your family and friends only have good intentions, but you know your BF better than they do. What other traits does he have that make you love him? Does it matter a lot to you if he is an underachiever? Are you truly happy together (erase for a moment what people around you are saying...)?
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shaq
19 yrs ago
There we go; the (discerning) heart rules!!!!!!
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rats
19 yrs ago
shag- trust me, both sides have the same strength, and I am suffering in that situation :(
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