Posted by
anita chan
17 yrs ago
I am a widow in herearly fifties.
My husband passed away some years ago.
I did not feel like starting any new relationships for a long time, but am lately beginning to think about finding a partner.
But i have a feeling that it is close to impossible, for where are the mature nice gentlemen who would not prefer a young, sexy girl to a woman in her fities- however 'young' she may look or feel.
To be honest, I would have the same preference were i a man.
Is this a relaistic assessment? Any views on this would be appreciated.
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I suggest that you have a much better chance of finding a good relationship if you become part of a group of like-minded people, so that you get to know others (and they get to know you) over a reasonable period of time. Instant attraction, love at first sight, etc are all okay for the young, but as we get older we need to meet (and be met) at a deeper level than the merely physically attractive.
Maybe a church or similar group would be a good place to start, or some sort of hobby or pastime, or even volunteering to help others less well off than yourself. Good people get involved in good things.
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I agree with all other posts. the most important thing is your aim should be go out , enjoy life. meet more people and be your support group. A new life and live it to full. If there someone come long you take your chance and take you time. don't rush or push it too hard.
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I wish to thank all who have responded to my mail.
I feel much encouraged by your kind and good advice.
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I would have to say that in all honesty I would never notice an older woman in a bar or club filled with young, beautiful, nubile hunnies,
BUT...
When I am out doing the things I really love to do (for me this could be anything from kayaking to educational pursuits like a lecture series on anthropology or a studio art class etc) and not "on the prowl" as it were I am quite vulnerable to all the things that make a more experienced, articulate woman exciting and interesting. In these environments the fact that you are interesting and can carry a solid conversation about any number of topics makes you oh so much more entertaining to be around than vapid playboy bunny type who know all about shopping and, well shopping LOL.
Anywho dont feel discouraged you just need the right venue and the right mindset and you can be as sexy and interesting as any younger woman out there. Just play to your strengths. Cougers are hot!
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Sexiest woman I ever got invovled with was 52, and I was 38.
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Yes Blatant you are right.
It is not sex i am seeking although sex is wonderful and i was lucky enough to have enjoyed it for many years thanks to my late husband.
It is more companionship and the wonderful feeling of just being together with someone you care for and who also happens to care for you.
No i am neither desparate nor in a hurry. Was just wondering about the possibility of having this kind of relationship for a 'senior' like me and wish to know what others think.
.
I accept with gratitude all the good advice given in this forum. I remember a book called The Kindness of Strangers. It is exactly how i feel when i read the mails sent to me.
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17 yrs ago
My mum is in her 60s and has a younger boyfriend (around 50) who thinks she is hot stuff. She does look after herself and looks great - but rather impressive. She doesn't want a full time thing, so they are more part timers I suppose, but both happy with that.
So...it all depends on you and how you feel about yourself. All people (men and women) are more attracted to confident people (which is why we always used to find it strange that men would flirt with us when we were attached but not when we were single and looking for someone).
You sound vibrant and interesting. So now it all depends if you happen to meet anyone you take a fancy to.
Good Luck.
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anita : you have made the first step and have been given some excellent advice from all quarters . Now you have the confidence you can start your own forum or group ...not with the intention "of meeting someone" but of going out of your comfort zone . You are a really genuine and sensible person ... the kind of trustworthy friend i hope to meet ..to go hiking with and maybe on holiday, etc.
I ,for one woman , was greatly bothered by men when i was young and hoped that when i got older this problem would cease ... this has not appeared to be the case and i think the answer is that i an "too NICE " i.e. i make peolpe feel comfortable about themselves, feel respected ; and this makes them feel good about themselves...And when you feel good , you feel .......( Also i am not bad looking but i don't see what difference that makes. I shall let you know if living in HK makes any difference to MY problem.)
Perhaps you will join my forum ...a discussion group on cross-cultural issues for 30-60yr olds.
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