Husband hates cat

I need some ideas.


We have two kids and until recently two cats. One cat had to be put down last week and now the remaining kitty is a bit lost and for her that means meowing A LOT, particularly through the night. Everyone is frustrated (and tired), but I have more patience for it than my husband. He wants the cat gone.


She's older, about 11 years of or so... I adopted her from someone who adopted her from someone and I feel a responsibility to her. At the same time I'm totally exhausted with two little kids and this sad kitty. I'm at a loss. With so many abandoned pets in HK, I feel like no one would take her on. (I've tried posting ads on asiaxpat.) And I'm not taking her to the SPCA where they'll eventually put her down if she isn't adopted (am I right about this?). Do I have any other options? I hate to say it this way but it will be good for my marriage, which is struggling anyway, to have her gone from this house. Is there another option that I haven't considered?

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear about your problems.

There's a product where you can get from petshops/vets call Feliway.

It's a pherhormone that stimulates what a mummy cat lets out to comfort her kittens. It can come as a plug in diffuser or spray, u can use in the room where the kitty is always in, it helps with soothing the cat's mood. It's worth a try while you try to find a good home for your kitty?


Hope that helps.

You have answered your own question really. You think it would be better. So bite the bullet and take it to the SPCA. Sounds harsh I know, but you need to prioritise.


Before you accuse me of being mean, I wen through exactly the same thing with our two cats when we had our baby back in Aust. I couldn't give over attention to the house, my baby and care for two cats as well. Our older cat was quite vicious and could not be trusted about our baby and the younger one just wanted to bring presents home, ie., lizards, dead birds. It would just be a matter of time before he brought home a snake (we lived next to bushand where brown snakes are prevalent). So I had to make a decision. It was sad but I knew it was the right one.

Don't send it to the SPCA, contact Marian from HK Alley Cats or Athena Ho from Ding Dong Foundation.

I really feel sorry for cats that get lumbered with pet owners who absolutely have no idea about cat behavior. Cats rely on and respond to visual body language and vocal comfort sounds.. If you have neglected your cats attention, and its soul mate has recently died, the living cat will pine for its loss. You need to give this cat some attention not just feed it and be ignorant of its presence.. Stop blaming the poor cat for your relationship problems, show some interest in one another, and stop being so pathetically petty... And Neenib, it doesnt surprize me that you did what you did... I agree with Aijin, a pet is for life, to abandon it under any circumstance just displays the pet owners character flaws, there are no such things as badly raised pets, just bad pet owners.


We own 3 pedigree cats, all raised together from kittens, which if it were not for the fact that we made a firm decision to keep our number to just 3, I would happily take this 11 year old cat and provide it the loving home that it just doesn't have where it is..

If your husband doesn't like cats, why you had two?

People are always first. Animals come in second.

flashback and sfiona: Thanks for the practical solutions. I will give it a try. I've been meaning to call the vet and ask for something that I can give her at night to help calm her down.


It's always so surprising to me how quickly people make assumptions and judgments. It's unfair and plainly speaking mean spirited. My kitties had and have a good home. The remaining one gets lots of cuddles and sleeps curled up on top of my shoulder every night. She is in my lap at this very moment purring. It isn't my first choice to give her up, and I would never put her in a situation where she would be put down. But at this very moment I am plain and simply completely sleep deprived. I am woken up between five and fifteen times a night and then my boys are up at 6. That in itself makes for a tough day; and I can't sustain it. From this regard, I agree with sicn, that people are first (ie me and then my husband) and animals come in second. But I would only give her up if I know she's going to a good home. I'm not a horrible, selfish person as some of you are trying to make me out to be. Stop preaching and give me ideas if you are yourself such excellent pet owners.

Dont take it too personally vlr...just think "water off a ducks back". The folks who went all "catty" on you both ended their high handed comments with "and if I didnt live in blah blah blah I would take the thing myself! But since I dont, I am just gonna give you an ear ache without any solution to your problem, but it will make me feel better for having told you off".


I think...flashback gave the most sound advice...as did the poster who said you ought to call a vet and get your cat some drugs! I mean, if I had my best friend die, I sure would appreciate a good dose of tranqs! Attention will only get the cat so far, pssshhhh to anyone who can say that all the cat needs is a little attention! Try juggling 2 kids and a grouchy husband who has had very little sleep! *SMH*


Just...I am sure you arent a selfish nor horrible person or you wouldnt have been worrying enough to ask total strangers for help. Chin up...I know how busy it gets when you are a mom, but yeah, maybe put the "talk to a vet and drug the cat" issue at the top of your priority list this week...and hey, remember, water off a ducks back..just ignore the bad stuff, they are just strangers, focus on the fact that other strangers cared enough not to bollock you and to actually give you sound advice...flashback is great at that.

justin credible - you ARE incredible! Thanks for your post and putting so eloquently into words what my husband and I were thinking last night. Called the vet today and left her a message to call back... so hopefully on the road to recovery - all of us.

To be quite honest, it seems quite strange your husband would have taken on second hand cats if he didn't like them.


Also, if you have young children or babies, you really don't want a cat in the house - there are numerous reports of cats smothering babies (not intentionally, of course).


You best get it off to a cat shelter anyhow if it likes the company of other cats, because your husband sounds unlikely to take another one into the house.


Or if your cat doesn't mind and likes company not exclusively cats, I'd strongly suggest getting a dog also.


The cat would get over its loss and have a new playmate, the kids will love it and you can go to the park and for walks - great playm,ate for the kids and in my experience a dog can actually reduce parenting time as the kids have a playmate.


Also, we don't know what kind of guy yor husband is, but generally (not always) guys who like cats are a little bit odd. So probably your husband is more of a dog person anyhow, and would love taking the dog to the park and swimming with the kids.


HK Doggie Rescue has heaps of great dogs for adoption and you can become a volunteeer dog walker- - its great !


Perhaps give it some thought, ot just go up there and do some volunteer walking a few times of be a foster home for awhile if you aren't sure then if the old cat freaks out well it'll only be for a finite period of time until the dog moves on.

Hahaha, I was thinking that too...I mean, I am a dog person, I am a big dog person and not a small dog person...now I have met a few cats that liked me but only ONE cat that I totally dug...does that make me hot and cold? And what is a big dog persons personality like in comparison to say...a chihuahua owner? Hmmm....


I agree on the "dont get another pet" thingy though...just give kitty more attention, ask the kids to join in in consoling the cat and maybe even get hubby to chip in for his fair share of pet the kitty...and of course, drug the poor fellow (the cat, I mean, not the hubby) if its still having a hard time kipping.

Sorry Gertrude, the thread is "Husband hates cats" and Vir should be supported that her husband is not weird or abnormal for not being a cat freak - most normal guys are not. There is nothing strange whatsoever about the husband not liking cats.


In fact, as Vir says, the cat sleeps on her shoulder in the night - that's be bad enough for someone who was indifferent to cats but for someone who doesn't like them well it's be a test of sanity - he must be a pretty decent sort of guy if he tolerates a cat on the bed.


It appears likely Vir's husband would not be the sort of guy to hang out at his friends' houses petting cats on the couch, but may well be the type of man who would like taking a dog for a walk/run with his sons.


Regarding my friends who I associate with, I would be rather perturbed if anyone suggested we meet at Bruce’s place Sunday morning and pet cats inside instead of having a run with our dogs at the beach with Frisbee and BBQ. It appears Vir’s husband would fall in the dog/beach type, that’s all – each to their own.


Also, regarding getting a dog, as said above, perhaps give it a "try before you buy" and HKSPCA or Doggie rescue and if enjoyed, THEN consider keeping one once the full responsibilities are realised – irresponsible pet ownership is prevalent in HK and should NOT be encouraged.

I was perhaps a bit harsh when I posted that my husband HATES the cat. I got them before we married and he was supportive of me when I made that decision, but stipulated that they were mine and he didn't want any of the responsibility. Fine. Now, two young kids and a grieving cat later... well, he's as sleep deprived as I am (well, slightly less perhaps) and his patience is wearing thin. He IS more of a dog person, but getting another pet, aside from a fish, is out of the question. We don't need any more chaos or responsibility in our lives. (My kids are 1 and 2, FYI.) In hubby's defense, the cat will curl up next to him or sit on his lap and I will catch him stroking her. He really doesn't mind her, just her behaviour during an already hard time.

vlr, please would you let me know what drug (if any) your vet recommends? I have a very vocal cat and am going through the same thing, except my cat is not grieving, he is just really really attention seeking. Like you I really adore him, but after being kept awake night after night, there are times when I want to wring his neck.


Is de-voicing a cruel procedure? I hadn't considered it and haven't researched so have no clue, but seems a little extreme to me. (Please no criticisms here; I am seeking constuctive comments about something I know nothing about, not self-righteous preachers).


Thank you.

dizzyhytes:


Here is what the vet recommended:


* Feliway ($450), which you plug in to infuse the air with pheromones. It's supposed to give your cat an overall feeling of well being... It takes up to a month to be effective, if it works at all. I've had ours plugged in for nearly a week and no big difference to report.


* Rescue Remedy, which is supposed to have a calming effect for people. You have to drop it into the cat's mouth--not easy--or put drops in their water. Again, no big change in her behavior.


* Valerian drops. The vet didn't recommend this, but I asked the doctor at the pharmacy if cats could use it and she said yes. It's a sleep aid. It also didn't work.


* sedative. I don't know which one was given to us. I used it for three nights. No change the first two nights, then last night was a nightmare. I think the portion (she can only have 1/6 or 1/8 of a pill, I can't remember, but they were broken up for me by the vet) was perhaps a bit bigger than previous nights because she was completely out of it. Her hind legs didn't work very well, she was scratching aggressively at everything, she was biting (totally unlike her, but she drew blood twice!) and... still meowing. It was horrible. Her eyes were all glazed over and there was nothing I could do to make it stop. It didn't completely go away for probably 9 hours. The vet said today that this can sometimes happen with sedatives. I'm not giving her anymore of this one or any other one.


I'm sorry I can't be more help to you. Do you want to take my kitty and see if the two can keep each other company!??!


Some things you might consider: What changes have occurred lately? New furniture arrangement? New people in the house? My vet also checked my kitty to see if her eyesight was going because that might have caused her more stress in the evening. Take her to the vet and see if there isn't a medical reason for her night meowing. That's the first step.


I've never considered taking her voice away. She's meowing for a reason -- accumulated stress and perhaps anger after I had two kids and then the loss of her lifelong friend. I wouldn't want to silence her physically like that. I just want her to feel more balanced and OK with the world.


I've decided that we need to try to find a new home for her. I feel enormous guilt about this, but she wakes up everyone in the house, including my kids. I can't sustain being woken up numerous times every night. And the flip side is that she'd be happier in another situation without two toddlers after her. But the problem is, who is going to adopt an 11-13 year old kitty (not sure how old she is) who has a kidney problem that makes her vomit here and there and meows at night?! I refuse to take her to the SPCA because they will surely put her down. I just looked at the site for the Society for Abandoned Animals on recommendation by the vet and their kennels are full... I'm not sure what I can do.


So good luck to you dizzyhytes! Let me know if you come across anything that works for your feline friend.

Perhaps vlr you could the clock a go, as a last chance.


We used to wrap an old ticker clock in a blanket, and put young dogs removed from the mother in a box with the clock. It worked well enough, but only for a week or so.


Your husband would probably liket the off the bed. Just make sure you don't accidently have the alarm set for 3am or it'll be mayhem.


Lloyd Grossman - agreed, Smoog is one odd guy "quality cat time" - have you ever heard of it? Cat hair and the smell of kitty litter aren't so good - you can always tell if a flat has been a cat-house.


the girlfriend would (should) be getting a bit creeped out surely. Most people I know would be gone in a flash if stood up for a cat!

hi vlr, thanks for the detailed reply, it really sounds like you've tried everything under the sun and I sympathise.


I have not tried Feliway or any of the calming remedies because my cat is perfectly happy and calm. He is not at all distressed, on the contrary. He is very very clingy and attention-seeking and yowls when we go to bed because he just wants the attention. Everyone who has seen him (btw he just loves everyone and anyone) says the same thing!


Anyway I thought I might try the large ticking clock (thanks Huggy and Maxis) to see if he will shut up...I really adore him, just not his voice!


Good luck and thank you so much for the advice.

I'll try the clock as well... thanks for the input! If we put her into a room and closed the door at night she would scratch at the door and yowl even louder. We used to keep the two cats in a separate part of the house at night, but once I had my second son, this cat in particular would only be quiet if she slept on the bed with us. (The other cat, the one that died, was chill personified.) So, I think we'd all suffer more if I closed her in somewhere. And unfortunately, we had washed all the linens the cats use the day the other cat went to the vet and didn't come back because there was vomit and pee all over... so as well as the cat not coming back, the scent also wasn't as strong. I don't know if that's good or bad.


Anyway, I'll give the clock a try. Last night was particularly bad and on mornings like today I think I'll take her to the SPCA, but I just have such a hard time with it. I know she's suffering, from a mental standpoint. I know the boys stress her out and I know she's desperate for more attention than I can give, and I give a lot already. So, truly, if there's anyone out there who can take her... I'd so much appreciate it. She's a really sweet cat, I think she just needs a calmer environment, perhaps with other cats.