Posted by
kickedout
17 yrs ago
Hi there,I am in the middle of troubling moments in my life now..I've been in a relationship with this Chinese girls for 4 years..We had plans to be together..I have a nice job and I was giving her my salary and these days she told that I have to look for a house. I found out that she is having an affair and she 's been cheating on me for 2 years.She was keeping all the money and now she is even telling me that I owe her money...There is no penny left in the account..I decided to move on but I feel depressed and I really want to revenge ..which I think is not a good idea..But I am really depressed and don't know what to do for the moment..I treated this girl like a princess,taking care of her,...I really love her..But I can't stand how hurt I really feel right now..She gave me 2 days to move out and now she is hanging out with the guy, coming back early in the morning..I really want to revenge..It's me who pay the rent but it's her name on the leasing contract..I feel like It's breaking my nerves.what to do now?
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You dont really need to take revenge, because somebody like that will get whats coming to them in the end....it doesnt go unnoticed!
Hey - its a horrible thing, but you must try and move on -- there must have been signs that this was a coming, perhaps you will be more careful about giving money to girlfriends in the future :)
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You have the advantage here. She is legally responsible to pay the rent. You are not legally responsible to pay her anything. She is the one stuck in the apartment with all the memories and coming up with the money to pay the rent. You get to find a new place and have a fresh start. Focus your energy on positive things instead of revenge. Be the light, not the moth.
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Hi Kickedout > sorry to hear that and I agreed with Sys12738, just move on and positive attitude. Try to leave her as early as you can. By the way, I really have no idea why you guys like to pay all your salary or give money to your girlfriends ?? Be honest, I am HK Chinese and had few caucausian ex-boyfriends , but I never ask them to pay me money, of course they won't give their salary to me too. Why always happen in CHina ? I am not compaline anyone but just really have no idea.
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again, this sort of situations. I think Sys12738 had a similar incident months ago and he has gotten out of it...
I am asking the same question as LovelyD, why does this always happen in China? What is it about the girls that make the guys want to hand them salary, pay for all luxuries and do the logic and sense-defying stunts????
In the end, the are cheated on.
Frankly, I am sorry to hear about the pain you are going through but I think its time to wake up and smell the coffee. Have a REAL Relationship. A real & honest partner wouldn't ask her man to give her his salary, have properties put under her name exclusively, ask for luxury items as though its her birthright. Stop being fooled by sweet talk, great sex and beautiful face and body. Look deeper as there are women out there who are attractive both inside and out, and yet don't treat you like an ATM.
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hmmm, 1st. his gf is from China. 2nd, not lots of hong kong gals are like that. there's 7-8millions people in HK and I don;t think you have see and hear even 1% of them are doing that.
There's also stories in western countries young gals going for rich old men and young men going for rich old women.
I believe if he knew who she is from the beginning he wouldn't be ended up in a story like this. No matter how bad the person is there must be some reasons to make you falling in love at some point.
Kickedout, am really sorry about your story and the only person can help you is yourself. Learn to love and protect yourself before love others. when dating with people from different culture the best way is to understand and respect their culture and share yours at the same time. no matter in what kind of relationship it also goes both ways. People will always appreciate your effort and they will try to learn your culture if they are willing to. you can do the same in money issue in your future relationship. If she refuse to contribute and only take take and take. That will be the time you should rethink the relationship you are having. Good luck, life still goes on. Don't give up, beauty is only few steps away from you !
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Dear Justin, you were saying' Yeah, lot of hong kong gals are like this'. and he had mentioned his gf was from Shanghai. Would that been better to address as ' lots of Chinese girls are like that'?? as you see than are all the same.
You might found funny or whatever way you like to put it. Although we are Chinese but if you look into the history there are some different between HK and China and we brought up in different ways and do have different mindset. There also have this huge gap with the political issues behind. Am not saying who is better than who or the other way. It's like the conflicts between east and west Germany. It;s complicated and I don't think people should jump into a conclusion without knowing what's behind the story. On this other hand, am also not saying this attitude is acceptable either.
I have to admit that I was not really please with your comment (actually not only you, many people on this site did the same.) coz I don't know how many Chinese gals you know but you put it as lots of them are like that. I have to agreed some are but there are also plenty out there are not. As a Hong Kong gal myself and many of my lady friends who never ask men for money. This kind of perception and generalizations comments do hurt my feelings and it's really unfair.
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Huh. There seems to be a common thread in many of these stories. I know I'm getting off the point....and commiserations to Kicked Out (leave for god's sake...take your stuff and run...leave the girl to her crazy life. Betcha she isn't a happy lass). There is a HELL of alot of generalising being thrown around. The concensus seems that Chinese girls universally are NOT fortune hunters. Everyone seems to agree, though, that in some areas, some women seem to be quite keen to earn a bit of cash, and western men seem to be the means.
SMH, I think in your shoes I wouldn't feel hurt, I would feel pretty pissed off that, in the same way that WESTERN men in Asia seem to be equated with status and wealth, Chinese women are seen as calculating, money grubbing, two timeing and shallow.
Truth is, many of us 'westerners' are bloody well better of. And in many countries, getting ahead means making choices that I'm bloody glad I will NEVER have to make based on where I was born. It's not 'Chinese'. It's a section of any population that decides getting on in life is about ripping someone off. It's economics, it's status, it's ugly, but it isn't new. It's China, Vietnam, Thainland, Singapore and Indonesia. It's Russia and Estonia and the Czech Republic. Hell, it's Australia, England and the States, it's just that the game is a little different.
I know, I'm a nit picking lefty and this is just a forum for thoughts but the more time I spend in Asia, the most disturbing I find the dynamic. 'THEY are like this and THEY do this'. It's on both sides. It's dangerous. I went to a certain country some years ago and got repeatedly felt up by random blokes while walking with my brother simply because I had white skin and was therefore up for grabs (sorry...bad double entendre). Western= easy and promiscuous. Gagging for it.
I have said it on another thread...Justin Credulous, I like your mind. Most of what you have written on other threads strikes a chord but I don't think you can dismiss SMH's unease.; Not a criticism of you, just an appeal to the Incredible in you.
Sorry 'Kicked out of the House'....have I kicked you off your own forum? Mea Culpa.
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Kick out, to answer your question. 1st you have to you ask yourself a couple of very important questions- " are you a bad person? do you enjoy seeing others suffer?"
If your answers are yes and yes. go ahead and do it. But, if your answer are no and no. please don't. your eager of revenge was only because you were hurt and wish her feel the pain you had. However, revenge will only satisfy or make you feel less pain for a very short time. After that you will hate yourself coz you became no different with her. It's enough to let someone rued your life once and it's not worth it to let the same person do the same thing to you twice. You are better off than that.
Move on, be a wiser and better person. Don't become a bitter person and have any regrets in your life coz this ungrateful person ever again!!!!
I am from Hong Kong by the way.........
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I've said it befre and I will say it again.
Its not Chinese girls per se.
Shanghai girls are something else. The prettier they are, the more poisonous they seem to get.
Kickedout.
Make sure she does not have access to your funds, ATM card etc.
If she does, get your employer to change your bank account.
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Hey,all.I already moved out,this money grabber will get what she deserves one day..I am not her living ATM any more and I don't have a revengeful feeling anymore..I don't need to waste my time thinking of what she did to me..although it's difficult. I think I will get over this..It's not the end of the world..The problem is that I really want to get over this quickly so that I can move on..I am pretty sure that there good ones over there..
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Kickedout,
Way to go! Yep, believing in karma is the best way. She will get what she deserves one day and I bet she's not a happy person anyway. Yep, there are PLENTY of good ones around. There are plenty of attractive down to earth women looking for the same in a guy. Personally, I can't figure why it's so hard to get them all in the same place! But that's another issue all together.
Sometimes being single for a while gives you a bit of time to get everything in perspective.
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Wonderful day, exactly how could he have known she was like this from the beginning? Mind reading trick perhaps?
Kudos to kicked out! It's a really good feeling when you don't have such a weight on your shoulders. Try to remember what you've learnt from this lesson!
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u r so strupid n immature to give your salary to a gir u havent married. n she abused your trust n love, u have 50% fault on this, cos u spoil her. all i can see that u r a green guy facing such relatinship in china. for me? no money will be giving to any girl cos i know their tricks well. for u, i recommend revenge.
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17 yrs ago
So sorry for your trouble. My partner (Chinese) had a scary ex girlfriend (Chinese too) - she went into bitter revenge mode after she left him (which was weird) - I am sure not all Chinese girls are like yours and his, but definitely some are, and they can be very very twisted and scary - be thankful it stopped where it did - you are the one earning the income, and you can earn more, don't regret what is past. What is amazing about these girls is the shameless way they create a while illusion of false truth. Their mothers must also be pieces of work - Za Za Gabor had nothing on these girls. And they are soooo sweet at the start - wouldn't hurt a fly! And probably make a point of giving you back change and saying sorry for buying that lovely face cream...
Get a nice place, enjoy your own money - be a bit more protective of yourself next time - an honest girl is not going to have a problem with that, don't worry.
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kickedout - have you moved out and started breathing fresh air?
You've learned a valuable lesson, and no pun intended in that last phrase. I would have advocated revenge, but I'm the kind of person that greets confrontation with open arms.
wonderfulday -hmmm, 1st. his gf is from China. 2nd, not lots of hong kong gals are like that. there's 7-8millions people in HK and I don;t think you have see and hear even 1% of them are doing that.
There's also stories in western countries young gals going for rich old men and young men going for rich old women.
Funny, sounds like a stereotypical statement from a local to me. Suffice to say that not many HK women are necessarily high paid, good looking, and deserving of Brad Pitt quality men. Ever heard of "Kong girls"? A lot of them want exactly the same thing, the bf to pay for everything while they go out for another quick fling. (kinda rhymes)
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