Posted by
ClaireHK
15 yrs ago
Last night about 1am I noticed my husband still hadn't come to bed so I went down to the study. When I opened the door he jumped a mile out of his chair and slammed the laptop shut. I asked him what he was doing and he said just finishing some work. This morning I checked his laptop and all his internet history, cookies etc had been deleted.
I would like to have a vague idea of what is going on before I decide what to do, ie talk about it or ignore it. We haven't been getting on so well recently as he is at work so much and I am busy with the kids - just drifting apart I think.
I don't know what to do or to think. Can I track the internet sites he visits, just for a few days, to see if it anything bad?
Help please
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he is watching porn - clear case
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Yup, that's the first thing that comes to my mind too! Looking at porn.
But it's obviously raised some concerns in your mind as you mentioned you were "drifting apart".
So why not nip that in the bud and try to do something about it. If you can't spend much time together, make the short time that you have together "quality time", and try to sex things up somehow...
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agree with slammy, spend some quality time
however do not try to prevent him from watching porn. most men do, so any attempt to prohibit it would just result in him hiding it more
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I also think porn.
Go to the start up menu and look at most recent files.
If they are avi or over video files then it is probably porn.
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tpol
15 yrs ago
Are women concerned if their husband watches Porn? It's better than him seeing another woman right?
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why does it really matter what he was doing? why be sneaky and check his computer, i would think that would just upset him. why not just ask him and talk to him?
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Thanks everyone. I think you are right, it it porn, and yes that is far better than him seeing another woman. I don't think I really mind him looking at girlie pics so I'll just leave it be.
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Nuri
15 yrs ago
Various dating web sites... chatting on-line with one of the "man-hunters'...you'd be surprised how many of such web sites exist and how many married men actually meet those women in real life.
Lots of "adults only" web sites with girls of all nationalities who offer "special services" here in HK... pictures, prices, districts and phones are there too. You can google and be surprised. A friend checked her husband's computer (history) and even got an idea of what type of girls the hubby is interested in :-(
In light of the above-mentioned porn sounds like the least important issue...
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Nope, he's obviously logging onto this site to leave a message on one of these oh so interesting topical discussions ....
and is embarrassed about it!
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tpol
15 yrs ago
he's probably on another thread asking I got caught on the computer.....
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He might be chatting with someone online ...
Trying to find out what he did behind his back might not be a good idea ... open communication might be better ... perhaps not really confronting him but shows concern to see what it is that he might need or what he has in mind or is there something that he feels missing in his life or in marriage.
Good Luck & Take care ! = )
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tpol
15 yrs ago
If I was watching porn and my wife came up to me all sexy and all and wanted sex, I know what I would choose.
Maybe you should tempt him late at night like Honey I can't sleep, let's be naughty.
Then analyze his response. If it's drop everything, I don't think anything's wrong, probably just sexually frustrated.
If he says, I'll be up in a sec and closes down his computer and wipe out cookies etc.
Then do it again a few nights later. After the sex, ask him in a subtle way. Something like: My friends were chatting about porn and how it turned them on, and thay you would like to view some and whether he knew if he could buy some dvds or something.
He might then open up and let you into what he is doing.
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From my experience, he is checking various sex/dating sites such as Adult friend finder or Match etc for flings and no strings attached sex. Or he is in private chat with one or more of the women he has already contacted thru those sites. - Are you sure it really is 'work' where he is so much? The married guy I once hooked up with told his wife he was going to the gym, and came to my place instead; well he did get his exercise but not the kind he told the missus he would be having... I was also able to meet him at his place of work after hours, and while wife thought he was studying for exams to advance his career, we were finding new ways to utilize his work desk... I have also been on IM - with his side camera turned on showing to me - while he was at home studying, and talking dirty to me at the same time. Once wife came to the room to look for something but he just calmly pretended nothing was going on as our conversation window was hidden and my cam was not showing to him. Guess he got some kicks out of that kind of excitement as well, not just from the things we did behind his wife's back... Gee Claire I hope it was just porn, but from where I stand, it does not seem like that. Sorry.
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I am afraid my instinct is the same as Christelita - although she is speaking from personal experience.
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u make him happy and try to spend some quality time with him.wear some good dress and make him attraction.when he come back to home keep u fresh.welcoming him smile.making him happy his way and try to intract with him fun chat with u home.if he busy with u in home like this way then he no need to think abt other things and no time for him also
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Claire, there are many internet chat rooms that can start out innocently and he can meet women through them. If the chat is innocent there is no reason for him to slam the computer closed.
I know this because I have been on the recieving end of computer closing. The person on the other end feels guilty, and you have every right to be concerned. In my experience these relationships can devastate real life relatioinships. I have seen it happen to friends. The relationships that people start online are intense because reality does not intrude until it is too late.
If he was working he would not have closed the computer. You are a smart woman for realising that. Don't buy it.
What you decide to do from here on out, is up to you.
Don't assume, though, that there has been physical cheating. Also, don't assume that he's been out looking for a relationship.
If you want to talk more, email me.
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Inkonkoni pointed out very important sign: if he really was finishing some work - that was so important that it needed to be done at 1am in the morning - then why slam the computer shut without saving the work first etc. Whatever it was that he was doing on that computer, it is not something he wants you to know, and it is something he feels really guilty about.
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If it was purely porn then wouldn't there be some other form of physical evidence on display, eg slamming down of laptop swiftly followed by hitching up of trousers?
On the other hand, to leap from that to chatting with other women ... it's pointing that way but I would want more evidence before making an accusation. it could easily be unsuccessful on-line trading. Checked the bank balance recently?
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Q for women out there: Has it occured that sex is not always the solution to the problem.
I agree with the people who suggest you open a dialogue on seems to be the problem and try being "solution-focused" instead of getting into the whats & whys of it all.
Express you concerns to your man, but first ask about his. Its not going to be easy since ppl are would be a little closed up about sharing their issues/concerns. Try a non-confronting approach for best results
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If he was just watching porn, you are lucky then !!!
Other possiblities :
1) Reading statement from stock broker and he has hugh lost ;
2) Searching for jobs as he has been fired ;
3) Flirting on adultfriend finder or with his girlfriend ;
4) Searching for medical specialist as he has cancer or something
and many many more negative and positive possibilites, so it is better to ask him directly, not asking strangers online.
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maxis
15 yrs ago
It is porn, almost for certain.
Ialso wouldn't be pulled into all the talk about dating websites and on-line affairs, etc.
Men, often, want a bit of variety, and the internet allows them to doit all from te comfort of their laptop.
99.5% likely it is porn,
don't imagine he is making the final payment and arranging the collection time to pick up his Russian bride, or that he is auctioning your underwear on eBay, or transferring all of his assets off-shore via the internet......
It is porn, almost for certain.
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merm
15 yrs ago
Why do you think he was doing this at home? Something he can't do at work? Anything work related? Are some sites banned at work?
As for adultfriendfinder or sites like that, some guys don't even bother with those, they go hunting on the footbridge outside Exchange Square or under HSBC on Sundays.
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Why you married someone you can not 100% trust ?
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no need specifications.
But i won't marry someone that i need to suspect from time to time. a good man will never leave any question on his woman's head...
Once dated a guy, who never let me use his computer, i really do not care what was in his computer that he didn't want me to see. But i know this man is not what i want...
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Thank you very much for everyone's sad/imaginative/worrying/funny (delete as applicable) replies. So to find out I deselected the option on his browser that automatically deletes search history and a couple of days later I had a look at what he has been doing. It is a porn website, nothing more sinister. Although I'm not bowled over by the idea but if that is what he would like to look at occasionally, that's fine.
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