I have been single for a while out of choice. Now that I want to look for a partner again, I have found it hard to meet men who are truly available and are ready to settle down in a long term relationship.
Bars do not suit me as the noise there will give me a headache. My friends are mostly very Chinese, whilst I prefer western guys. So, friends' introduction is not going to work. Meeting through work is a big No-No for me as I think it compromises the work situation. And websites are full of attached men who either tell you they are attached or simply lie about it.
So, been wondering, where do people meet their partners these days?
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uh...typically people meet their partners during study/education, work, through friends and in bars. i would think 90% of people meet each other like this the remainder probably being leisure time clubs/activities
so for you: bars no, work no, friends no leave study or leisure time clubs/activities. i would however strongly suggest to relax on work and bars a bit....
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perhaps you could join a sports club/team?
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selda
15 yrs ago
hoyo,
there must be a lot of accidents involving buses...judging by the number of women who do get married after 30.
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wow hoyo...nice. which planet do you live on?
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Join clubs, or a church. Take up hobbies. Be genuinely interested in other people - their opinions, their lives, etc.
My wife and I were introduced by mutual friends.
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step 1: find some friends
step 2: find some friends who may be able to introduce you 'western' boyfriends
step 3 (optional): engage in activities that expose yourself to 'western' people (step 2 helps)
step 4: expand your social circle gradually
good luck!
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hahah. yes, go pick up guys at church, or synagogue.. maybe while worshipping ganesh?
Look, I'm not as nice and support as everyone else here.. But what I will tell you is the truth. By closing so many avenues to meet people like bars, the internet, work, etc.. You're closing doors. In addition to that, you've stated that you prefer 'western' guys to 'chinese' guys.. the list of 'requirements' or 'criteria' continue I'm sure. As it slowly expands, you are pretty much dooming yourself to be alone forever.
You seem like a fairly uptight and/or boring person, which is fine.. I mean, a lot of other people would be suitable for you, but you're giving yourself no chances to find them..
Maybe you can go to the library and hit on men there? Maybe random guys walking around the street? Realistically, you need to loosen up and lighten up
If you really want to find somebody, you have to give yourself the opportunity to.. Good luck.
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tao83
15 yrs ago
I don't like the LKF scene either and I ended up meeting my wife through the personal ads (I'll PM you suggestions).
I've had many other friends who met their BFs & GFs online (not just dating sites but other social websites ironically). Frankly, it's not that much different meeting someone at a bar, there's no guarantee that anyone you meet is not already attached.
I found that going online tends to reduce the amount of time wasted.
I tried joining other activity groups around HK many were quite friendly but not always very "friendly" to new people or these groups are made up of people who all know each other and just keep to themselves. Despite this, I think an alternative to online sites/ads is to join an activity group that does things that interest you and just go from there.
My co-workers tried to set me up before with their friends but nothing ever panned out.
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sicn
15 yrs ago
Why not start a dating service for men and women that wanting the same in your situation? You can personally interview all the male applicants first. haha...
Do you really think I am joking?
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Joanna, I have sent a PM with a suggestion
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Thanks for all the replies. I actually find the library and church suggestion quite interesting. I am THAT uptight and boring, I guess. :OP
PS. Elsdon, I did not find your comments harsh at all, by the way.
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At the end of the day it is a numbers game.
The more people you meet, the more chance of finding somebody suitable.
So look for ways to increase the number of people you can meet in an informal environment. This does include church, library etc.
One advantage of singles nights, internet, etc. is that everybody you meet is also looking for relationship.
One disadvantage of bars/clubs is that it can be a bit more like a meat market.
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Tigerbaby, thanks. Yep, know the meat market feeling. I hardly ever go to a bar but did arrange to meet up with a friend just outside the Wanchai bar area and the moment I stepped out of the taxi, could feel it..... It was flattering in a way, but I doubt guys are there for more than ons.
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Bars do not suit me as the noise there will give me a headache. My friends are mostly very Chinese, whilst I prefer western guys.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Can you give some info regarding your age, ethnicity, religion, and profession? Also, when you mean Western, do you mean caucasians? or does that include returnees. You are lacking background info here.
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asiaxpat, nope, if it is, it is definitely not working. :OS
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I think if you are from overseas, its easy to have a great time here, as time passes you by. You will notice your friends in UK getting married having kids etc. They all meet each other through Uni, Work social functions. Being an Expat is difficult as you are exposed to less of your own kind, therefore limiting the chances of a sucessful relationship.
Of course plenty of ONS, but thats not getting you anywhere.
My advice: fall on your swordand leave.
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Don't write of the locals British guy.
The gold diggers and trollops are definately in the minority, even if they are highly visible and seem omnipresent.
I meet a lot of very attractive, single business women, up to the age of 50. Most are independant financially, very smart, speak good English and are highly respectable.
I met a lovely woman in Beijing, a friend of my wife. Good looking, 45, charming, educated, and worth at least USD 30m. But single. She now does not think she will find somebody who wants her for who she is, and at her age.
Why are these women still single?
Many reasons, including:
1/ Christmas cake attitudes of local men is one reason (not wanted after the 25th).
2/ Some are divorced, possibly because thier husband went off with a young girl.
3/ Some cannot find a man who will marry a woman who is more succesful than they are.
4/ Some have been two busy working and have not made connections and now think they are too old (see reason 1)
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Advertise some dinner meetings for groups of 6 to 8 people. Have an equal ratio of men to women and who knows what could happen. If you target like minded people who are also looking for partners you may well find your match. Once people met at family social gathering and organised functions run by the church or clubs but these rarely happen anymore. Be proactive and advertise, the worst that could happen is you have a very boring meal with people you don't like. It is only a couple of hours of your time so give it a go.
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Hi tutorjoanna..
I can completely understand how you feel bcoz I am in a similar situation..I did try dating websites but somehow most of the guys there are just looking to have a good time.. So yeah..been wondering where to find Mr.Right here in HKG..I wish there was a website specifically for people like us..Well, for now, wud like to Wish you the Very Best in your Search..Hope you find your Mr.Right soon!!!!!
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As stated above it is a numbers game. I think that the internet is today what bars used to be.
I am a single male who recently moved to Beijing. I have used the internet to meet friends and not necessarily a girlfriend. My hope that maybe one will stand out from this group. In the meantime I have made several friends without pressure. some even introduce some of their friends to me. The more people you know the better your odds of finding a great match.
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I think that if your meeting people only has one purpose, marriage, you may be closing many doors to fruitful relationships.
Because you are putting a lot of pressure on the relationship from the outset. This may well be cultural. However, many western guys who want to get married are not looking for a relationship where marriage is fixed on the agenda before you even get to know each other.
This is perhaps where the tag of 'Freindship, maybe long term relationship' can be used and is a lot less 'threatening'.
It is not that western men fear commitment, but we do like to know someone well befer we even use the 'L' word (love), let alone talk about the 'M' word.
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OzyOS
15 yrs ago
Joanna and friends, there a some great posts on this thread. My male two bits worth:
1. Telling a single guy your looking for marriage straight up can be a big red flag. Tigerbay has good advice here. The kind of guy that is ready to settle down will want a companion, a friend. "Companionship" is a good word too. Slowly, slowly.
2. I hear you saying what you don't like alot. Try focusing on what you do like! Don't even mention what you don't like, negative statements can always be responded with "I prefer.." If you talk negatively on your first date and subsequent dates most guys will walk away. Guys want to hear your happy, about your hobbies & activities, and what you DO like to do! So get out there and find yours!
3. Stop looking for Mr Right! Enjoy "Mr Right Now"! You may find out you have more in common than you thought. Even if he's not the one, you've gained confidence, conversation skills, flirting practice, and usually more friends along the way.
4. What you're doing now isn't working. So, open some doors, challenge yourself! . Make friends with people you work with and clients, (I met my wife through work). Find a bar that IS more your scene! These are all avenues for meeting more people! Quote: "If you want to discover new horizons, you must be prepared to lose sight of the shore!"
4. No one can love you if you don't love your self. Treat yourself to that hair do, new dress, new shoes. And treat yourself well. Don't give up your life for each guy you meet. (but DO have room for a guy!) Have a life a guy will want to share with you!
Most of this you probably already know but it doesn't hurt to hear it again right now! Best of luck! And remember guys want to meet you to!
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Ooer, I don't think I mentioned marriage to any of the guys or even in my online profiles, cos I am not crazy about getting married myself. Dunno, where Tiger and Ozy might have got the M word. I am looking for something that is more stable and emotional than just ons. If it leads to anything more, I think it is a feeling that one will get when you meet the right person; otherwise, it can drive me running for the hills as much as it can drive the guys running for the hills.
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oooh, I got it now. You got the M word from Sunshine's post.
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Hey Guys..I want to thank you for taking the time to respond & provide an insight into how men perceive these things..I guess its different for individual situations..like in tutorjoannas case she is single & not interested in marriage just yet..but in my case since I am interested in finding a partner who is looking for a long term relationship rather than a casual acquaintance. The thing is, if I mention the M word I scare them away & if I dont, I attract guys who have no intention of marrying..So how do I go about this??
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Hi Sunshine
You can say 'looking for a long term relationship' and many websites have a pre-select for this when you put in type of relationship saught.
I cannot speak for Americans or other Westerna nations.
But to be honest, I would beware any British guy who has marriage as their primary purpose. I have only met a few, and all of them have problems that I would red flag.
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Tks Tigerbay
I know what you mean..I tried an Indian matrimonial website & all the non-Indian guys on that website turned out to be Nigerian scammers using handsome British guys pics..usually the classic example being widow or divorcee with a young child..A friend of mine was stupid enough to fall for one of these scams & ended up sending money for this guys sick child!! After I heard her story I am damn careful about whom I communicate with..Its sad that the poor guys photos being used are probably blissfully unaware of all this..
Its not only the Indian website, I have come across these guys even on HKG dating websites so I guess this is a global phenomenon which just makes it harder for people who are genuinely seeking love!! Not only that, I was shocked to see how many married guys are out there seeking a good time too fooling their unsuspecting wives!!
All this is really putting me off these websites..In India its usually the family that seeks a suitable match for their daughter or son..may seem backward & shocking to other cultures but atleast you are assured the guy has been thoroughly checked out!!
Anyways..Nowadays, I think looking for people who prefer having monogamous relationships is like looking for a needle in a haystack!!
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I would say the same problem exists for men trying to find women in their thirties and forties. It is all about quantity in internet dating, try to chat with as many people as possible and unfortunately the pool of available partners in Hong Kong isn't that big.
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Don't be too quick to write someone off if they will not give a land line number straight away.
I wouldn't. Stalking seems to be almost acceptable in China.
Also employers and clients do not respect the divide between home and work life.
It is easier to ditch a mobile than get a new landline. Nobody here gets my landline number unless they are an established family friend.
Yes I am married, no I am not cheating, no my employer does not have my landline number.
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