Posted by
Folk_Trent
16 yrs ago
My story here goes..
I've been with this Chinese girl for quite sometime.The situation is that I find it surprising that she doesn't want to introduce me to her best friends,..I did take the initiative to introduce her to mine..She has her own friends circle and I have my own..When it comes to activities she don't like to let other people know that she has a boyfriend..We never go out together ,dining or for drinks I go alone and then she joins me later ..What makes me write this here is that now she is inviting 2 men to our flat and she told me to stay away while these 2 men are at home because she doesn't want them to know she has a b/f. The 2 men are coming from another province to Shanghai for Tennis Master Cup and she told me to take away my stuff from the living room that might indicate that she is living with someone ..like taking my pics,clothes,shoes...She also told me to be around and she will text me or call me later when the men leave .I am sad and angry so that I want to dump her.Ghrrrr.....But I really love her...Do you have any suggestion of how I have to deal with this situation later...The house is rented on her name ,but it's me who pays the rent..
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i guess she is old fashion and worried about losing face because she is not married and living with a foreigner... she cares to much what people like family and chinese friends think of her...
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Oh boy.... Wake up and smell the coffee.
It seems to be perfectly apparent that she is more than happy for you to be her 'boyfriend' when it comes to paying rent. But nowhere else?
Has she explained why she's so embarrassed to be seen with you?
Is your behaviour unsuitable? Is it perhaps she is worried about her family's reaction?
A partner who is ashamed to be with you is simply not worth having.
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i know she is playing him nicely
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i mean she wants the best of both world. My brother has similar situation and he just rid of her because it just felt there was no future. She wanted to be a partner of an expat but just keep her chinese friends and family separated...no compromise from either side.
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Spot on flashback! Oh, and do not pay any more rent of course.
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merm
16 yrs ago
Come to Hong Kong where the good girls are - Hong Kong Chinese or Western - well-educated, pretty, sophisticated. There are however some Mainland Chinese and girls from other poorer countries in HK preying on lonely western men though for money or passport or both. Thought i'd also add the last bit as a warning!
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merm
16 yrs ago
I also think it's quite unusual for her to invite men home. She knows them so well to invite them home but not so well as to introduce you as her bf??? Your instinct was right. I'd say run.
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MayC
16 yrs ago
I agree, run...
Something's not right here.
The comment about being embarrassed because you live with someone that you're not married to - I don't buy that in this situation. It's not her parents or relatives visiting. Just two men.
I don't quite understand why she doesn't want to introduce you to her friends/family unless of course she doesn't think it's a serious relationship OR she wants to keep her options open.
In which case, isn't it better to find someone who truly values you as a person and wants you in her life?
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folk.... do you see the light at the end of the tunnel already? then i suggest run as fast as you can towards that exit and don't look back!
mind you, she might try to give some heartwrenching story to make you stay, so be firm and just move on. you deserve better.
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She's playing you dude!
Mind you she has also given you the perfect opportunity to escape, so start sorting where you are going to live first and when you have to shift your stuff out of the current place go straight to the new one. Cut off communications and move on with your life.
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This is the typical behavior of a Shanghainese girl. She will not commit herself to any particular guy until she find the best who can give her what she wants. She will go out with different guys at the same time and tell each she does not have a bf! One to give her money to spend, one to give her the physical pleasure and one she can go out socialize with. She is using you these days - free place to stay and with all expenses paid - why not. I used to live in SHA for 5 years and I had dated several SHA girls before. I know them too well. My advice is to leave her and move out of the apt as soon as you can. Stop all contact with her and look for someone new - but not a SHA girl again!
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whoa........... i missed the part that you pay the rent....
then it's high time YOU kick her out of your place and replace the locks.
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Folktrent, I really don't understand why she has to invite her "friends" to "her" flat in the first place?? Even if she is honest and true to you (which, quite frankly, i doubt - the whole story, including you living with her in her flat but paying her rent is completely fishy) and all this arrangement truly is about her not losing face for living with someone when she is not married, then wouldn't it be simpler to invite them to a nice restaurant? If she is supposed to entertain these guys (whether family, old uni friends, friends of her parents, all completely straight), who says it has to be at her place, unless the "entertainment" includes using the bedroom?
I mean, come on, get real!
So you love her? Then try talking about marriage, and see if she warms up to the idea of introducing you to her friends and family as her official fiance. If she doesn't, then she is not serious about you at all, something quite obvious to many, but you apparently need proof of.
Then you can choose to go on paying for her love without being in the way of her big schemes until you grow out of love with her and can finally erase her from your life, which I hope is very soon.
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Hey, I discussed this with her and she told me that those guys know that she has a boyfriend but she didn't want them to know that we live together..I used to pay her trips to some places and she lied to those guys that she is doing business ...So she wanted to show them her home as the flat is very nice and in a nice area..It was to make those guys believe that what she said is true..I find it quite questionable and unreasonable..I just come to know she lies to her friends about her life..She likes to socialize with rich people be it men or women..She likes to feel she is superior to others...Grrr..I completely agree with Ken Hill,I am the one paying her expenses,then she goes out with others...God!She plays golf with other men and then it's me who pays her membership,...I am being used ...We talked about marriage and she said she's still young (27 now)..And I was planning to buy a house but now I am having second thoughts...Grr!She never paid for any expenses..and sometimes I see that there are bills that are not paid for months....I am being exploited.....I feel really sad but life will continue..I welcome you to share your insights in this situation....
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ok so well and good you now realize that you are being exploited
you know what you have to do
just move on
it's about time
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I already decided to dump her..I am not her living ATM..
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you can be our living ATM anytime !!!
drinks are on you !!!
congrats on putting your foot down.
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Yes dadda. You may be right. There are so many crazy stories going on and on here that one wonders how people really could be so stupid. Some maybe of course, but others must enjoy stringing folk along with endless silly stories. ;)
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hey folk!! do you know why did you pass for this? simple answer: Because found the wrong lady and you have money to waste. look at me, mello enough money and ladies don't have option, follow my simple life or will play golf with my ...c.
Go on, try with more and more ladies, good luck
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As has already been said, Shanghai girls are something else. Every expat male I know in Shanghai who has dated a Shanghai girl now steers well clear. If you like Chinese girls there are many nice country girls working in Shanghai, you will find them at work or socialising with friends (but perhaps not meeting girls in bars).
As for discussing things with her?
She will tell you anything she thinks you need to hear to maintain things as they are. Until she gets a better deal.
It is good to hear you are moving on. And don't worry about any hardship she may suffer, she will have already lined someone up.
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ilu
16 yrs ago
i suggest you to get out of this relationship, she is using you as an ATM. i am a gal and i know what she is thinking, i have plenty of gfs are doing that to their bfs, bf pays everything which i found it unacceptable.
my friend will never introuduce her bf to us nor mention to anyone at all, bcos she is looking for a better and richer man along the way......you are just one of her bus-stop...not the destination....
its silly to stay in a relationship like this as its obvious that she is using ya as the way to climb up to the state she wants
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I help people find flatmates on Hong Kong Island. I once received an inquiry from a woman with a Catholic first name and a Western last name. She didn't introduce herself until quite late - she's a Filipina with a Western "boyfriend" who was not living in Hong Kong, whose last name she's already adopted as her own. She wanted to stay a week in shared flat in Mid Levels so she could have some privacy with her visiting boyfriend. She said she was living with her sister in Yuen Long in the NT --- while this is not impossible, we know 99% of Filipinas in HK are live in domestic helpers --- wikipedia's Filipinos in Hong Kong page seems to have another funny view - read it for a good laugh. Anyway for the same amount of money, she could've easily found a small hotel room in Kowloon with all the privacy she wanted. What was she trying to do to bring a man to some perfect stranger's home in Mid Levels? I don't really know but I think she was trying to hide something. I have no idea what sort of a "boyfriend" this was and what stories she'd told him --- maybe that she was a professional living in one of the wealthiest areas in Hong Kong!
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I found a new apartment and she told me that tomorrow she is flying to another province to meet one of those men..(of course she lied that she is seeing one of her best friend )She will be surprised when she's back..I will pack all my stuff this weekend and leave her..
I stayed cool as if I am not planning to dump her..but this is the appropriate time.I have to dump her..
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not unless she reads this thread... ha ha ha
so who is paying for the old rent? or have you terminated the lease?
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ilu
16 yrs ago
good move Folk_Trent
next step, change your phone number and block all contacts with her....
i am sure you will find a better and decent gal in the end....
hope all goes well in the end
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nom
16 yrs ago
I feel sorry for u. You really love her ? that means ure ready to accept all the playing and stupidity she's doing to u, she making u look like a fool and idiot!
youre the dumbest man in the world, sorry to say that, i strongly agree with the other replies, leave her for christ sake and move on with ur life. You are (dumb) but a nice guy, too nice that's why she's playing u. You deserve so much better.
who knows what else she's doing with those 2 men ? maybe more.
Take care urself Folktrent, and dont let this useless piece of rubbish (sorry again) girl take the best and make the best fool out of u.
Gd luck with ur plans on dumping her. We all hope u really dump her for ur best.
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FTM2
16 yrs ago
folk_trent. You live in Shanghai, dating a Shanghainese girl who keeps your relationship a secret, paying the rent...what the heck are you waiting for? Haven't you heard enough stories?
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