Importance of Social Skills

Ok, so I have this friend... a very good friend who I really care about and want to see happy. She has an amazing heart, cares about others and just wants to be liked by her friends and loved by someone special.


The thing is, she is often left out of social situations and overlooked by guys because of her lack of social skills. She's not rude or mean or anything like that... but she lacks grace.


She's VERY loud! It's sometimes embarassing to be out with her because she screams her half of the conversation at a million decibles. She talks with food in her mouth, chews with her mouth open and uses her fingers when eating. :( She's really not aware of these things and I don't know if I should say anything or not.


I truly believe that looks don't matter... really! But I know it's not always that way when you're loooking for a partner and she desperately wants to find a nice guy... and I know that we really shouldn't care about the outside package, but people do. She dresses down all the time and is often mistaken for a boy. I really think that she could look very nice if she'd just try a little harder... get a hairstyle to suit her, some more flattering clothes and a maybe little makeup.


I don't know what to do. She has the best of intentions. I know she's unhappy lately and I'd like to give her a little bit of advice on how to take care of herself a little more. Sometimes, when shopping, I'll point to a shirt or something and say "hey, this would look really nice on you" but she just brushes me off. When she talks about getting her hair done, I tell her "I think blonde highlights would really suit you" or "I think ... would make you look really great". But she just doesn't get the hint.


Sometimes, I'll complain about how noisy the locals can be in a restaurant hoping she'll get the hint about her own volume... but she doesn't.


And I've said things like, "I worry about my table manners when I'm around my bf's dad - I worry I'll make a bad impression by chewing with my mouth open or by not using the utensils properly". I thought this might help her pay attention to her own manners, but it doesn't.


I don't know what to do. I'd like to see her invited out on dates more often. And I'd like to see her invited out more with friends of mine. At the moment, I'm the only one who includes her in anything we do. She's so friendly and kind and would make an amazing girlfriend. She's a very good friend to me. I really want to help her but I don't know what to say without hurting her feelings.


I would love some advice from both the guys and gals on this one. Guys, what can a sweet girl do to clean up her act and get your attention? Girls, how would you handle such a situation with a friend of yours?

Maybe buy her a book on etiquette and manners?? And hope against hope that she picks up?


If all else fails, I guess being her friend, you should try as tactfully as you can, and tell her straight. Start with the most bothersome like talking too loudly and chewing with her mouth open..Sometimes dropping hints here and there don't rally get through (maybe she refuses to listen?)


whatever you decide to do, good luck and hope the friendship doesn't get compromised.

to answer your question, rouge, I'm really not sure I could get past something like bad manners in a relationship... MAYBE if you really loved the person, but you really see one before the other is able to happen.


A friend of mine went out with a guy in uni who, on their first date, licked every one of his fingers from top to bottom after eating a plate of ribs - ew! She really liked him before that but she couldn't get past his atrocious manners to go on a second date with him.


I think the problem is that people are turned off by this sort of behaviour... and most of the time, people committing the crime don't know they're doing it. So what are those of us who care about them supposed to do? You want to help them but not hurt their feelings... such a dilema!

Maybe those people who are unaware of what they are doing should simply get together... and you can stick to your kind!!


With the millions upon millions of people in this world, there must be someone who won't mind your friends habits!

Joyfulone: Obviously she's too comfortable with the friendship that you guys have, meaning that possibly she's in a state that you'll recognize her as HER ONLY FRIEND to go through thick and thin and that you will accept her in any way no matter what.

Perhaps the comments should come from an outsider to tell it her straight to the bone, in hope to make her realise that it's important to build up an image for people to accept the term "normal" and "decent" (horrible words, sorry, but I have to apply them) for her best interest.

Tough call ain't it?


My senior, a very competent woman on the work floor, also my best friend, is not the beauty queen among many women, but her taste in dressing up is terrible and I tried several times both in direct and euphemistic ways to tell her which combinations would be better and be more suitable to her. She never listened to me, because I am and always will be her little naive innocent sister!

One day, a guy commented about her cracked lips and tastless outfit and she completely fell in silence. Afterwards she made a joke about it, but since then she's finally putting the lip therapy tin from Vaseline on her lips and carries it in her cosmetic bagg with her regular drying lipsticks!

Plus, she asks me for my opinion about her outfits when we go shopping, now isn't it great!

Well of course I'll accept her no matter what - it's just that I know that other people leave her out of social events and that guys don't really bother with her and I'd like to see her do well socially outside of her relationship with me! I really care about her and want her to be well-liked. She deserves it.