Posted by
helen77
15 yrs ago
5 years ago i found out that my husband have an affair with a Chinese lady . i was pregnant and was a big choc for me us i always trust him 100% . since then our life wasn’t easy. i never forgot.i choose to stay with him i did it also for our kids (4 kids) we ve been married for 16 years now. he said he care about me he loves me...
4 years ago we moved to hk ,for me means to be close to his mistress but he said that is over with her he only meet her time to time just for business. Tried to trust him
few month ago found that he cheat with another Chinese lady she is 25years he is 40years they work in the same office so they see each other every day they travel sometimes together. Again some story mistake she means nothing for him i m the one he loves and bla bla. i give him another chance
i just come back from holiday with my kids. read from his phone some sms changed with this girl while they are in china for business
her:let s go now for massage
him :wait i m still talking with someone, please dont sleep.
her:ok
it was at 11:30pm
i missed other detail
he denied at first and then he said it was just foot massage us use to be when he travel to china with any colleague. and nothing else and he repeat to me same story love me want to spend his lifewith me....
is it normal to have massage with other female colleague . what should i do just live my life and dont care about what is true what is not i dont want to take the kids from him and go back to europe .
i dont trust him but I love him .
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helen, he's cheating and he will be as long as chances present themselves/he can.
too bad you still love him. i know how hard it is for you i guess.
he's not respecting/appreciating you/family.
were i you, i would stand up and fight for myself/my dignity/self-respect.
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As an attached childless women I wonder how I would react if faced with this issue.
I can't help but think that I would take ther lousy barstool for everything he had and leave him
I commend women that can remain rational in these types of situations but me personally I would want to smack him in the face and thrown him out..... it takes a lot of courage, strength and patience to accept this...
Good luck
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I think the most important is that he still sleep in your bed and a good provider to his family "you and his kids".
You cannot compete this woman if she is 25 young and seductive and you is? but i tell you,,,, in this scenario i guess you must love your husband more that no other woman can offer... and i guess you should start to adopt this saying which is most woman dont do... "do what prostitute does in bed" :-)
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tomorrow they are traveling together how can i trust him. yes he provide every thing for us.
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Helen
I'm so sorry to hear your story. You must feel betrayed, angry, exhausted, scared and 101 other emotions...
but as usual Flashback gives great advice
If this was a one-off then my advice might be different, but this guy (I'm sorry to say) is a serial cheater... the longer you put up with it, the more it will continue... indeed, even if you put your foot down, there's no guarantee that he can/ would stay faithful
You have a choice - accept that your husband will always have affairs and be content being the woman at home (less upheaval in the short term- but hellish in the long term) or to stand up to him now and set some boundaries and if the worst comes to the worst, kick him out
Go to St John's and get some support (they operate on a sliding scale so don't cost a fortune) and find a family lawyer and know your rights. Once you've got your head a little straighter, then tackle him
2 thoughts - 1) your kids are growing up believing that this is ok - it doesn't matter how small they are, they know that something's wrong and they will learn the dynamic... do you want to teach your sons/ daughters that it's ok for a man to cheat on his wife?
2) If not now, then when? What will it take for you to stand up for yourself and say "enough - I deserve more"?
Good luck and stay strong - you will get through this
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Hi, I am sorry to hear this. But how can you forgive a cheating husband, I agree to fight with him and ask him to leave the Chinese girl. Although you love him :-) , still need the answer and see how he react...Women also need their personality even get married , right? You both have kids and will have a wonderful life , don't spoil your marriage , a 25 years old girl ..mmmm may be not mature enough and she understand he is with somebody already... he is a husband , not single:-))))))I wish you will get through it and she never bother your husband anymore!!!!!!
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easyl
15 yrs ago
helen ur hubby clearly loves u but doesnt respect u, he loves other parts of u but there should be something in the mistress that u don't possess, it could her looks, ways and habits, so instead of fighting or nagging about it, try to see what he really wants . the best way to get into his heart is to make him know u trust him and that he could open up to u, he wil be honest, it may hurt but it could solve a long time problem for u and ur kids
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Not sure can agree with easy, no one is perfect; we all have something others don't have and vice versa, yet that does not give us right to disrespect/cheat/look around/fool around...
and totty, that is not true: my parents have only had each other for as long as their lives, and better and better everyday with one another.. and they are very traditional..
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Pyan
15 yrs ago
Helen,
Your husband has that Asian Fever for the exotic woman. I don't think he's just with this "co-worker with benefits." I can gurantee you, he's been screwing around in all the whore houses in China every single trip he's taken since he's learned of the GREAT CHINA ADVENTURE.
You have 2 choices now, EAT IT UP and accept that the boy you married is still willing to provide for you and the kids.
or
Seek a Marriage Seperation Lawyer and get all the money and assests from him (money=security) and have him pay CHILD SUPPORT for the rest of his life until the kids turn 18. If he's 40, you are still young too. Plenty of great guys still in the world ready to love unconditionally.
Your husband is a boy whom enjoys his "third leg" adventures. I'd get a body check if I were you...
It's harsh, but when the family moved here to the Babylon of Asia, you were doomed!!!
Otherwise, you must reconsider "How deep is your love"...a couple that plays together, stays together...
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i always think everyone deserve a second chance as we are all human being and sometimes we make mistakes, and we learn from our mistakes, but in your case, seems your husband.. how to say "once a cheater, always a cheater", it`s not a one time thing, so now it comes to you where is your line and what you want? i do know women put up with those crap for different reasons. But i personally think if there is no trust, then the relationship won`t last anyways. that`s the basic foundation.
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