Posted by
lammasita
19 yrs ago
ummm. that's a hard one (not to sound too crude)
What about a blow up doll with a picture of her on it?
Or just be unfaithful! Lot's of blokies do it... join the crowd
Or make the jump and put up with it (or without it) for 2 years - you'll become a great tennis player with those strong wrists of yours!!
On a more serious note:-
If you really love her - you'll manage!
You never know - when you go over to visit her - she may jump you!!
Problem sorted... lol! xx
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its wonderful but perhaps a bit difficult...i know i could do it no problem without a second thought....for about a day. There is no way i could keep my hands off my man for more than a week. Cant give advise as for me it would be impossible...of course there is always the rabbit for a woman! Does she have one?
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Yellowstrip shes a good chick and you should try your hardest to stay cool about this. Why not compromise and just wait a year instead! Distance is a big thing though and im sad for you both....there isnt much more to be said really...just get that aftershave on when you see her and keep working your charm and maybe baby she wont be able to keep her hands off you!
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yellowstrip! you can do it! congratulations for trying to respect her wishes.
you asked for advice, so here it is: get engaged - that way you'll both have your firm commitment. when you do get together, do "everything but" - you said you could "do other activities around the act", which means there's no reason you can't give each other screaming orgasms until the wedding night.
doing "everything but" will also give you an idea of whether or not you two are sexually compatible (plus you'll both get really really really good at oral sex ;-) - that can't be bad, can it?) when you're apart, masturbate.
there's also no reason you can't get sexual in your correspondence with each other - that way you'll get a peek into her fantasies and sexual tastes. just because she wants to wait on sex doesn't mean she doesn't have sexual thoughts and appetites. you two could really build up quite the collection of erotic electronic correspondence (don't forget to "archive" all your chats ;-) ) - which you could pull out and read together every wedding anniversary, valentines day, birthday, etc etc ever after.
you already know she's worth it and could be The One, or you wouldn't have bothered posting and asking for advice, much less considering her request. i think the long distance will be harder to deal with than the no-sex-before-marriage rule.
anyway, best of luck and kudos to you for even considering it. nothing worth having comes easy.
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tia
19 yrs ago
Yeah, I too would be leary of marrying someone I did not know if I was sexually compatible with. IF you are sure she is the one, get engaged. Maybe if she knows it is a sure thing, she may give a little more. I am not saying that she SHOULD, but she MAY.
DEAR GOD...how CAN She stop like that? KEYRIST! Like Pumpkin, I have a tough time keeping my hands off my b/f and if he was to go any further than a peck on the cheek, I think I am getting lucky!!
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I've a few questions.
How old are you both. What nationality are you. Are you both religious.
I can respect the sex before marriage thing but in this day and age it's not very realisitic. You say your g/f can stop before things get carried away - do you sense that she is enjoying herself when she is intimate or just going through the motions?
I would be interested to know her reasons for saving herself - is it for religious beliefs or is she just not a very sexual person. This is something you need to think about before you make any committment.
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I totall agree with pumkin and foth, that sexual compatability does keep most marriages strong and to think that she is willing to wait for you is sweet huh!, I think she should consider your request earnestly, when love is a concern, especially where physical relations only florish better understanding your love for your partner.
But if she can promise you that she will remain until she marries you, then its upto to you to wait.
The karma sutra conforms to sexually compatability, and its true, why some men/women seek sexual gractification outside their marriage...sometimes love is just aren't enough!!!
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"if you build it, they will come"
-from the film Field Of Dreams
cheers and best of luck, yellowstripe! you can do it. keep us posted, ok?
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hey voiceofreason i have to tell you that everytime i come back to this thread i read over the last few postings and re-read 'if you build it they will come' and i wanna cry...for me that one line and that part of the movie hits deep. Twas a great movie...but i really wish someone would write more on this thread so i stop feeling so sad! :(
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yellowstrip, please don't listen to the naysayers - be balanced in your judgment. you said it all, it's about faith! don't be too cynical or paranoid. yes, it's a big leap, but the rewards could be great.
do be careful with testing her...it can be just as deceitful and manipulative as the motives you are trying to unmask. while i agree that sometimes you need to do this (and in ALL types of relationships, not just romantic ones), just beware and be careful how and why you do it. i personally find it abhorrent in an honest relationship, and i have dumped someone for "testing" me rather than asking me outright what he wanted to know.
and let's look at the math - the relationship in and of itself has a 50-50% chance of making it, like anyone else's. but you are 99% sure "she's not like that", i.e. manipulative, or setting you up for a huge-evil-cackle moment. what more do you want? that extra 1%? well you can't have it - no one can!
and nemesis is right "you don't need to get to home base" to feel the thrill of a home run.
trust yourself and have faith - your gut tells you she's worth it, she is probably The One, you want the challenge - when else in your life might you come across such a challenge?
again: get engaged. i think this will address a lot of the issues facing both of you.
(more later, must dash)
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YS - have you talked to your friends about your situation? What are their comments? Presumabley they have met your g/f and can give some comment on your relationship.
In fairness, we are strangers with no idea of how you work as a couple. From my perspective however, 2 adults in a committed relationship NOT having intercourse is a big red flag.
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yellowstrip, see your email please. cheers
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definately a better solution solve the issue.
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Ok, you have been dating for a year, you love each other, you are not having sex, your freinds haven't met her yet.
I repeat BIG RED FLAG
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Exactly!!!!! What are you hiding Yellowstrip? If you are in love with this girl and think she is 'the one', why on earth have your friends not met her? Once you get married, will you introduce her to your folks?
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Thank you onlyme, I feel accepted now, more then ever before, I am not the only one being accused of gablin threads.
yellowstrip>, is der more 2 ur story?...have your parents approved. I knew a couple once with same predicament, turns out its part of their culture and their parents forbide sex before marriage...
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evohe
19 yrs ago
Well,
If you are thinking of getting married with her ... this is a one way ticket to hell !!!
Look at all the conditions she is imposing you : Long distance and no sex. Those are not your choices. She is not giving anything to you. Plus it is not as if she is a virgin. So, you have to pay for what her ex did to her. She cannot trust you enough to make love with you ? It just shows that she does not believe in the relashionship to think it is going to be "the last one". It is BS.
You are a very romantic person, but this girl needs a reality check. I am sure you can do it. But you will suffer. Suffer from the distance. And suffer from sex thirst. If she loved you, why would she want you to suffer from sexual thirst ? To much pain and nothing certain. You have too much blood in your heart mate. Drop it.
She'll come back to you if she really loves you.
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Evohe - well put.
I am sorry that this woman has been messed around in the past by her previous partner. However, that is life and we have all had relationships that have soured - we all learn to move on and love again. Lets keep in mind that this is not some young girl, she is a woman who has been sexually active in the past. She is clearly still hurt from her past relationship and has not dealt with her baggage. My question to you is - why is she with you? Would it not be better for her to deal with her crap first before entering a relationship with you?
The very fact that you have posted a thread shows tht you have doubts about this woman and your connection with her.
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evohe
19 yrs ago
Anyway, YS.
If you are willing to put your willie on bread and water for 2 years. Respect.
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I don't get it. You said you've been like this for 3 months now. I thought you'd been dating for a year.
I am confused. It's been a long week.
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So for the other 9 months they've been banging away like rabbits?
Still perplexed.
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Posh
19 yrs ago
its said man has sex and then loves.woman loves and then has sex. duno how much% is it true. but it true that women need more time to think when they find her ONE. so no worry,its just a matter of time and if you do love her,time isnt that important, is it? ;p
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Good thing I re-read my posts before posting. Almost typed 'banging away like rabbis', lol.
I suppose that would be more accurate tho'!
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Hmmmmmkay. I think I unnerstand.
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you tell them, yellowstrip/leon99.
you've found someone special enough and worthy enough to try something extremely challenging for - good for you.
don't let the turkeys get you down. everyone's just projecting their own paranoia, cynicism, negativity, fears, experiences - BAGGAGE - onto your situation, instead of taking what you write at face value then simply answering your question/request. guess that's the risk when we post in a public forum asking for advice. have faith, listen to yourself - none of us knows her, or yourself, like you do.
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ShazP
19 yrs ago
Yellowstrip,
Our great grand-parents (& the ones before them) had sex only after marriage ( or so, I believe). Divorce was not heard of really & they went on to have as many children as they possibly could!
OK, they were not as open as people today, but they did very well....bet they enjoyed their bonks.... If they could do it, so can you.......
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no one at all, bear, no one wants to know!...shhh, calm down, no need to be paranoid...don't move now, sit tight...
(tiptoeing away to farther vantage point, all the better to aim hunting rifle at hunched figure in greatcoat)
;-) glad you are back, bear, ys needs help
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Ed
19 yrs ago
I am not clear which post you want to delete
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yeh i agree every woman and every man
(...though you dont hear of men saying 'no not til we are married??? do you folks ?...come on ...lets give the guy some real stories to help him along)
has a right to chose when to have sex with their partner!
However, if it was really getting to my man i think i may have to give in... but im a brit and my mum would have laughed if i told her i was holding off sex until when we were married..(haha)
Yellowstrip you have been right all the way through this thread...! Go with your heart and your gunna be fine (serious)
Stories please....
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good idea, aop1jf - it's true, ys needs real stories.
i guess my story is boring but true. similar to spare_rib_hk's post, it's about my parents. my mother was a virgin when she married my father. she wouldn't sleep with him before marriage. (he wouldn't marry her until he saw her in a bathing suit, but that's another story ;-) ). they met and fell in love in college. he tried to convince her to elope one month after they met, but her parents (my grandparents) intervened, so my dad negotiated for their consent to the marriage in return for for a 3-month engagement/courtship period.
my parents are celebrating their 40th anniversary in one month. they have a great marriage. two kids (me and my sibling). they kept their bedroom door locked every night until we both left for college ourselves, so we wouldn't walk in on them.
ok?! so it can be done! granted that 3 months (parents' engagement period) is not the same as ys having to wait two years. but ys, you can do it.
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#@$*&!!! you've gone and reminded me of the giant Gherkin in london, the city where i first met my honey - talk about a sign from the divine ;-)
ys, where is your gf? hopefully it has lots and lots of skyscrapers to inspire her to ease up on her vow of chastity before your marriage
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"godsquad"...ummmmm, NOT! ;-) justin credible, take your own advice and read posts again. i meant "faith" in ys himself and his gf. in any case god's too bloody busy to concern herself with our trivial little problems down here
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thanks, jc. i guess he posted here because it IS such a horrendously difficult request to consider - and he needs all the moral support, advice, and stories he can get to make a decision.
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*standing ovation*
best of luck, yellowstrip. please keep us posted
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Well I wish you luck. You're a better man than I.
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Yellowstrip, in fairness, your posts make you sound like a sexually frustrated young man who is manipulated by his girlfriend. However, it would be wrong for any of us to say that.
So don't go pointing the finger at Zelda or any of the others. We are, after all, offering our opinions which you have asked for.
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Yellowstrip - of course you should comment on other people's posts. That is what a discussion forum is for.
I know that some of the opinions on this thread have been offensive to you, I was just making the point that some of your comments have been equally offensive.
Good luck to you and your girlfriend.
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JC, while I agree with much of what you say, you do have a tendency to mock other posters that I find rather distasteful. People have problems and make mistakes. Why are you so unforgiving?
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forget about her. You have one life, and 2 years is far too long. Enjoy and experience. If it is written in the sky you then will meet each other in two years or more. Trust your fate and keep in mind your are on earth to be happy.
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Hmm, it is an old thread but I have one question: if she is seriously considering marrying you, why would she fear that you "might" disappear after sex like her ex did? Aren't trust and faith crucial in a marriage?
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If you love this girl, and can picture a lifetime with her, then I suggest you ignore the first reply, which was to sleep around. What kind of advice suggests you to screw other women when it won't make the situation any better?
I can imagine how difficult it must be to have a healthy relationship minus the sex. However, you must rememeber that sex is primal, it'a basic need. I am sure she's thought well about her decisions and what good can come out of abstinence. Haven't you ever thought that she's going through the same thing you are?
Even if her libido doesn't quite match up to yours, it's no doubt that she's still had the same sexual feelings, especially towards you.
Sex really puts you to the test of how big of a role it makes in relationships. My point is, if it's such a big deal to have sex with her and she isn't willing to compromise, then what can you do but leave and respect her wishes?
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as a girl , i can accept others very open-minded , but i think u have to respect ur girl , if u want to have sex with her, than u have to marriage her, if not , u can find another gf , it all depends on you
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what if she just simply can't click with you in sex? Will you still marry her if you find out before marriage? If you say you will, chances are you will get into adultry because you are a man, and all men a sexual animal, you need a good sex partner to boost you ego.
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Hey people! Theres heaps of things to do apart from actual intercourse. Ive been in that place for months with my partner and we were both fulfilled because eventually the guy wants to 'come' and if that happens with the other stuff ... it is fine. He dint realy complain cos he understood where I came from. What I'm saying is that its not a big deal, cos you know the sexual compatability anyway.
And singapore29! I am fun, im adventurous etc, its all in the mind anyway...
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