Posted by
wildorchid
19 yrs ago
some time and space for yourself, I guess.
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hi poqi, you suprised me a lot. I just can't believe that a guy can spend full time with his wife for 3 years.
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lulu
19 yrs ago
pogi> why you keep saying that you lost interest in looking at other woman or will/will not not having a affair when she's gone to UK?
You must have some problems, a happy and faithful married person will not even start a thread like that. Good luck.
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>pogi: you are too devoted, man, and you both should talk seriously about the way you are living your lives. I think some changes in life arrangements like having other ("healthy")activities without each other (e.g. your jogging without her, her shopping without you, etc.).
My case is less critical as we are in the same business but we are working for different companies and in LDR! But sometimes we have kinda real professional discussion which I find spicing up our relationship.
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That's already a very good start! Good luck then!
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Poqi
She complains about quality time.
Maybe coz you see each other 24/7 you just do the daily routine stuff. Nothing special.
And I agree with other posters, we all need some space. I love my partner and cherrish the little time we have together, coz we are both working hard. But I also cherrish my time alone.
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sub
19 yrs ago
I work with my husband. I know what you mean...we have been together 10yrs.
Times when I (both) thought.."that's enough!"
I think it is important to allow yourself some time apart - shopping, movies, sport..anything..just a little thing will do. It doesn't necessarily have to be holidays apart, but that is good too.
You need that time to remind yourself what you like about them.
Also you really need your individual mind back sometimes - even if just reading a book, it helps.
You sound quite happy, I think the answer will be that you really actually miss each other.
And I know what you mean about fights in the workplace...eeagh..still have that problem...how easily to cause a divorce...but such an achievement not to..ha ha.
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hey Poqi, it worries me a little when you said you wanted some time for you and got reminded about quality time together. I get this feeling that your sweetness and eagerness to be a good husband is somehow allowing your wife to control YOU a little too much. Dont forget that you are a man and you do need to keep hold of your personality and not always be having to do things that will please her, just like im sure she still holds onto the little things that she likes to do. Yes something is missing and thats due to the fact that almost everything you do is together, doesnt leave you much to talk about really when you go to work together, and come home together. Most couples (those who dont work together) get home nd talk through their day,well i guess all you two too is discuss the bits the other missed. I'd suggest finding a job in a different place, close by so you can still travle together...but seriously i worked with my man for 2 years and when i changed it our relationship was so much happier.
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Poor you! Just out of the frying pan into the fire! I hope you both now will consider the options more carefully so that you both will have some time and space to miss each other!
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poqi, you sound a little lost eh? on one hand u want to be totally devoted cos u're married & maybe u think thats what a husband role shld be. but on the other hand, u miss d excitement you used to have? you need to take care of your own needs before u can really take care of someone else's! take that holiday n don't think twice. but heh, don't get too used to it!! =D
totally understand how u feel since my partner & i met at the office, sat 10m apart etc. but we made sure not to have lunch/dinner together all the time, or go home/come into work together. now we're in a LDR and it introduces a whole new dimension to our relationship! which has made our relationship quite alive.
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this is pogi's wife...yes i do strangulate him every night, he loves it!!..hee hee!!
But really we do spend a lot of time together and both think it's crazy sometimes, but the really wierd thing is if we are away from each other of a few days we miss each other already!!...but at least we know we have a strong relationship and can be happy together even if it is 24hrs!
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Hi Pogi consider to have a children maybe thats the missing of your married life!!????
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Hi pogi, i think if you don't know what is missing in your marriage life you should never consider having children. besides you are still in a honeymoon period, no big deal!
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cant you talk with her about what you feel? you may find out more...the worst is she may feel exactly the same. go ask questions! communication is the key. your life is easier if you know how to make it, young man
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Like richard gere in that wooden dance movie with jen Lopez-maybe what's missing in his life is not women- it's dancing!
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poqi, I'm a man, married with 5 children for 22 years, in Australia. I think I can tell 'where you're coming from', without exactly that much 1 on 1. I have had periods in my life where I have felt so cramped by intimate family relationships, that it probably exceeds anyone on this stream. Try not ever being able to take a sh*t by yourself for instance, or having people walk in and talk to you while copulating. It can lead to resentment very quickly, about freedom. But somehow, I've survived.
My advice to you is this; number one, don't be scared to talk to her about the need for 'alone time'; you should both have it; it is a need to be expected, and it is a gift to you both. Number two, just realise your feeling is rational, and fair. Work on it, give her and yourself free time away from each other. If you just cram two people together that much, it is destined to cause problems. I see on daily basis what cramming 7 people too closely together does. They are *not* unloving people (my family), they are some of the most loving. But when you push them togther like that; I can tell you, the natural way of humans is that fights start. Its a social order thing that happens. You may think its corny (its not), but the saying "if you love something set it free" is TRUE. I think in your state (obviously an adoring husband), you need to take action now, and while alway taking extra steps outside times apart to show love for her(say through words, touching, service and gifts), give her space to herself, timewise and everything. At risk of feeling really bad I'll give myself as an example. My wife and my relationship has almost soured. Too many focuses on bad memories. But when we are given social space and lone time together (for us, together IS alone); its almost as if she falls in love with me all over again. When we get 'space'; it like we find we are each the perfect partner for each other. Very sad for me (and her), since I now feel I have reached point of no return.
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POGI WHERE ARE YOU?ARE YOU HAVE BEEN BANNED BY EDITORS IN SUCH COMMENTS ABOUT TAXI SMELL TOPIC?HE HE HE!MR EDITOR GIVE A PPL A FREEDOM....SOUNDS LIKE ASIA EXPAT IS QUITE FAMOUS JUST KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK...
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i really think you really are well and truly stucked, mate. Stucked right up.
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Pogi, dont worry. everyone goes through same boredom once in a while. We are all born to be bored most of the time so that when something new sets in, we can appreciate it more. I think one of the best thing to do is find a hobby or sports that would involve only yourself. Get some space sometimes. I can see that you truly loves her. Its just the natural human factor that is eating you right now, and that is "boredom". We are almost always bored in our life. Married people stay with their spouse most time, most days, unless they have a profession that gives them days off to travel, or work. Single and unattached people, they get bored with seeing same friends every weekend. Single, attached people gets bored too if they have to see same peopel 24/7. Its very natural. So find some time with yourself. A sports, a yoga class, whatever, just to have something new to share with her after a long week. She can also do the same, otherwise, she would felt unattended for and neglected. Would make things much better, i assure you. Then the trip to the Philippines, or any travel destination for that matter will be much more romantic. With same interest (design) but with loads of various topics to talk about, it won't be a bore. If everything is the same 24/7, its either we get bored to it or we accept it as a way of life. Its normal. But bottom line, yes, we all do get bored...
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Stucked? What's that? Nobody has ever been "stucked".
Why start such a thread if you are not basically unhappy?
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I am a drifing girl unsuccessful in my love. But I think maybe you can get some idea from me. When I was in love, I fear to get him, but also fear to lose him. It's perhaps because the enviroment is not stable. So I am very easy to give up. When not seeing, I will give up. It has nothing to do with love, it's only the unstable enviroment and the discounted trust nowadays.
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Pogi, you both need breathing space to grow. If you are both cramped, seeing each other 24/7, you don't give enough room for your relationship to blossom.
Try doing something else while she shops for instance. Get out once in a while with your male friends while she goes out with hers. For some it might be a good and practical set-up but in the long run, one of you will get bored (if you aren't getting there yet...).
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alwyn
19 yrs ago
I have been working for 11 years now spending 10-12 hours a day away from my family.
I would do anything to be in your position!
Maybe all you need is to have individual interests or hobbies and the time to spend on them.
If all else fails, get kids and see how that turns everything upside down.
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I live with my partner and work for the same company, but we dont spend all day together.
Why dont you sit in another place so you dont work next to each other and try lunching with different people to feel less "together" all the time....
You are making your life "24 hours" by chatting on internet when you sit so close to each other so it does make it rather full on!
What do you find to talk about all day ??
It looks from the responses you have a good relationship, quite open, question I dont see has been answered is what you think is missing ??
Social contact with others ??
Or something else ??
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ow!guys pogi is just confused...heard that he on holiday with his wife but then he was gone a week before his wife see her...in holiday destination...but sounds that he more happy if he was with wife on his first week vacation
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Poqi,I think with you its the cliched term - "Familiarity breeds contempt",but can't afford that in a marriage, u both need ur space,even though ur together for 24 hrs,there seems to be no communication,need to pour out ur feelings face to face at times.
Good luck.
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Meems
19 yrs ago
Poqi, do you feel trapped or are you bored with this relationshpip? Remember, you did ask her to join you in the first place...
You can still go and meet your mates for a drink or take up a hobby (golf/football etc). Bear in mind, she will complain at the beginning if you leave her at home alone.
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I understand how do you feel right now. You both need some private time.I suggest that after work you should have some diffierent plans.Things like she could go to a beautiful salon and you could go to a gym.Whatever you do just try to do something diffierent but both get happy and do not hurt anyone.There are lots of interesting things in life try to find it out and be happy with what you have now.
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how you ever going to feel that u miss her if ur with each other 24/7?? everyone needs their own space, even married couples..
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