Posted by
lammasita
19 yrs ago
The threads are scarce this festive occasion and the ones I am reading are not the most positive... so as, at the end of this year I have finally rounded the bend of "I do care, I do care" to "I really don't care what people think of me and I am tired of playing silly games with the opposite sex"; I have realised that it is liberating to laugh at yourself occasionally and it really helps deal with Kharmic happenings.
Bare with me here....
What I want to hear about is quirky things that happen to you when you least want them to... often it involves your body letting you down in some big fashion.....
For example being at a posh dinner with some important people (such as your BFs parents etc) and trying to look suave and cool. You slowly go to take a drink only to find you inhale the alcohol instead and splutter all over everybody because you desperately try and hold your painful cough in.
Or, you see someone stunning and so to hide the fact your legs are going weak you lean against a filing cabinet for support, only to find that it's empty and so tips over making a horrendously loud noise leaving you completely red and the guy sympathetically laughing at you!
I want to know there is more than just a couple of people out there like 'Bridget Jones'. The 'other' was a guy who was staring at me walking along a beachfront and fell off 'cos he wasn't looking where he was going!!!
BTW that film made me cringe because as the audience was so heartily laughing I found myself thinking 'that happened to me!!'
Tell me do and let me know we all have a sense of humour about us!!
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Farting in a hotel elevator.
Then as I got off a beutiful woman get on.
Oh well I won't see her again.
20 mins later, getting into the elevator, and the same woman steps out.
Shamed I was.
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Falling off a treadmill whilst distracted by a hot POA.......and laughing so much that you pee yourself.
Now that is shameful.
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in my Idiotic 20s: lovely nyc spring day, strolling down a wall street sidewalk, knowing i look super-hot because of the three masters-of-the-universe types blatantly checking me out from a nearby cafe table...sooooo puffed-up me decides to hail a cab right in front of where they're sitting. puffed-up me raises arm as seductively as possible and steps to the curb. puffed-up me misses edge of curb and falls on ass. puffed-up me quickly deflates.
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of course they did. but it's still incredibly embarrassing to make an a** of oneself by falling on one's ass
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Driving boses beautiful porche....seeing that ticket bloke on severn bridge money thing is hot....removing hair band so long black hair is a flowing...giving him money...saying 'thanks' and then racing off whilst trying to put window up but getting hair caught in window and having a few minute freak out whilst face glued to window bright red and waiting for something to smask into the back of me.....mmmm those sweet moments...lol
Seeing a real ugly guy looking me up and down, and then for some bazarre reason going bright red and acting like a 15 year old!
Going for first driving test and putting my key into the wrong car whilst with the examiner.
Going for my second and again having sexy examiner but this time being asked 'whats that car reg' and saying 'i dont know' and him saying 'do you need to put your glasses on'
mmmm took me 3 times to pass but luckily third examiner was dog ugly!
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These have brightened my day up no end!! It's so good to hear of fellow slightly accident prone people around. Although I don't think so much accident prone as fate prone. I believe the moment you need your body to behave itself it defies you and completely loses control....
The mouth has the same problem, it seems whenever you tell your mouth 'not to mention the war', it does!!
Example - I had a wierd teacher at evening school with what we called a flip top head. He was not only strange to look at, but had a strange sense of humour and when he laughed would throw his head back revealing what looked like many rows of yellowing teeth. The one thing you didn't do was make him angry....
Well this one evening he said something that had an obvious and coarse inuendo within it of which he was unaware... I burst out laughing and then he joined in with a look of pleasure that I was on the same wave length as him.
I could see this and so quickly shouted out to himand the whole class "No! NO! I wasn't laughing with you I was laughing at ..." and realised what I was saying. The look changed to a thunderous dark piercing one and needless to say I didn't score so highly on his course!
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yes these are excruciatingly funny. just remembered another repressed memory: literally my first week on the job as a young banker, going on a plant visit with my boss. big factory, toured the whole facility, feeling very exec-looking in my neat black chanel suit. so the ladies will know that the jacket was cropped and boxy, a super cute military style...that did not cover my rear-unzipped skirt. boss kindly informed me AFTER plant visit. aaaaaaaaiiiieeeeee! #@$%&!
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Excellent! More stories please!!! I'm sure I have many more locked away in my little brain.
Actually there was one terrible incident. On a family holiday and got rather pissed, was sent to my room by a thunderous father (had earlier told him to 'F' off). Some hours later my Dad hears some scuffling in his bedroom and turns on the light to find me, in the wardrobe, about to take a leak.
Brings new meaning to the term 'watercloset'.
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Coming out of a hotel club 3 sheets, walking along the promenade adn decide, hey lets go for a swim. 3 out of 5 of us jump over the railing forgeting the 9ft drop on the other side. But sand so what the hey.
Then 5 guys, very pissed, very loud, go skinny dipping on this winter night. So cold we come out after 2 minutes, looking landward we realised that there are several blocks of flats looking over a very well lit beach, with 5 naked drunks looking for thier kit.
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Hee hee! I love it!
I got very drunk one Sunday. I must have been all of 8!!!
It was a wedding reception my parents were having in their club, and there were trays and trays of Champagne lying on the bar waiting for someone to take one. So I did!!
This was all done on the sly and so the only time anyone knew anything was in the middle of the speeches when I knocked over a bar full of empty champagne glasses which fell with a resounding crash and brought the whole gathering to silence as they watched this little girl stagger off slurring the phrase "I need some cake!!"
In this instance I think it was my dad who was the more mortified...
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As a schoolboy I was waiting at the traffic-light on my bike eyeing a pedestrian school-girl on the other side of the road. Light goes green. I start cycling. Maintain eye contact. Hit the ground. :-(
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It was our first winter. A few of us wore our bikini to play tennis. We kept warmth by drinking vodka and prancing around the court. An hour later, one of us fainted. The ambulance came and...imagine the shocked faces of the ambulance wardens.
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Happy New Year to you all! Let's hope this year brings us fewer downs and more ups!!
Last year (two days ago actually!) I went on a date and thought I would be festive and wear this new-for-Christmas fluffy jumper.....
Well the upshot was that it seemed to shed in the heat and got everywhere and made my date very itchy. He was constantly pulling fluff off his face and scratching his nose and eyes. I couldn't believe it! Again I had done the wrong thing! I just laughed it off this time.... I'm used to it!
Well, I related this to my mum and she told me she used to be known in the Royal Southampton Yacht club as 'fluffy tits' because year she went to a posh dinner party on this yacht and thought she would look all the rage (this is the 70's we're talking abut) and wear her new black Angora cardigan. Well apparantly that got everywhere too. In all the cabins, on all the food, in everyones' drink. They were all sneezing and pulling fluff out of their mouths, she said she'd never been so embarrassed in her life before and found it hard to live down as they all then called her 'fluffy tits' whenever she walked in the club!
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XMAS Eve ...on way home at 3am...talking to a friend....gorgeous bloke walks past ...i imagine im looking real hot....i smile and walk backwards to respond to his friendly barter ....a few seconds later i smack straight into a post...hurt the back of my head and my back pretty bad....he comes running forward to me and asks if im okay.....i say im fine laughing though my head is killing.....we go on to this party...i snog him...he gives me his number ...i go home ! wow now that doesnt happen too often :)
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FJane
19 yrs ago
A few years ago, but remember it well. Was at a party and ended up getting a little drunk. Caught up with an old friend and thought, wow you're looking cute these days. We sat in his car, while he had a smoke. I don't smoke, but because I was already half pissed and trying to impress him, I thought yep, why not. My god, I was so out of it. I completely lunged at him, then promptly fell asleep. He was a nice guy, so he just locked the car and went back to the party making sure I got home later.
But as a friend said, good thing I lunged at him, he'd have never have gotten the hint. We're married now, but if I think of our first date I try to think of the next time when we caught up a few days later for a rather sober cup of coffee.
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*clap* *clap* *clap* good one, because of the happy ending: wedding bells! :-) i totally agree, some men just can't get the hint - one must literally fall into his lap. i must have stood next to my then-NOT-yet-bf for what felt like a good 15 minutes in the frigid outdoors of a february wedding in the uk (don't ask), chanting "i'm-so-cold-i'm-so-cold-i'm-so-cold-i'm-so-cold" in between bouts of my teeth chattering violently, until the great dense doofus FINALLY threw his arms around me to keep me warm.
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Years ago, was shopping in a clothes store with my BF and as you do when you browse checking out the latest fashion, I was blabbing to him and gently caressed his butt cheek, to only find out when looking up it wasn't my BF but a total stranger. I quickly dived behind the clothes rails in sheer embarrassment but I bet he enjoyed being touched up! I now always check.
Another time, I was browsing through a store and saw my BF at a small distance away. I made my way to join him, so fast I didn't notice the huge mirror and my own reflection on time that I smacked my whole body into it.
I now hate shopping!
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A long, long time ago, in a place far far away...
Christmas party at a friend-of-a-friend's house in a swanky neighborhood.
I had a great figure and was dressed well to meet'n'greet.
Pull up in front of said place; front door is open revealing a party already started. I bound rapidly across the lawn and up the steps and
~~W-H-A-M~~
bloody my nose on the glass door.
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Don't start me on that one!!
I was 13 and thought I knew more than most. My brother had brought home a video camera to play around with and then watch on T.V. (a very high tech thing to do then), so being a precocious brat and trying to be funny, I asked if the microphone was on and when told yes let off the loudest fart I have ever done to date!
Well it backfired big time when my brothers thought they would show the video to their friends and show off their lovely little sister!....
I have not lived that fart down to this day....!
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Many years ago whilst in training I was in command of assaulting an "enemy" encapment after night marching/navigating to the position. After a 15 mile meander in the dark we approached the encapment and with great stealth,miltary position and lots of aggression launched our "attack". Problem was we attacked a bunch of girl scouts tents, lets just say both groups needed to improve their navigation skills, they had wandered onto our training area in Wiltshire and our map reading was not quite as it should have been. My very young squaddies were delighted if somewhat embarrassed and after getting over the shock of being attacked by Britains finest the teenage girls were much taken by my lads. Needless to say the news got back to the Officers mess and they tell me that the tale of the "battle of the buttercups and daisy chains" as it became known is still told during navigation training today. As it happens my second in command had been navigating that night but as CO it was my cop. To this day I hate followings map directions that I have not personally prepared and am always amazed at the some of the crap directions that are faxed/emailed to me by suppliers, hotels, sports venues etc.
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I love this thread, glad to know that I am not the only one to make a tit of myself (literally).
This New Years Eve, looking very glam and sexy in a black floor-length evening dress, very low cut with a diamante decolletage. Am on the dancefloor with my gang and in a frenzy of excitement, I burst out of my dress. After exposing myself to all and sundry I flee to the ladies and return with my modesty secured by two safety pins and a couple of staples.
Needless to say, I soldiered on and danced until daylight.
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just remembered the funniest moment!
A few friends and I met up for a fun weekend in Singapore some years ago. After a great BBQ party by the pool, throwing ourselves fully clothed in it, it was time to carry on for the typical pub crawl. One by one, we returned back to our friend's place to crash. In a drunken stupor and as you do, the last one got peckish and heated up food in the microwave, ate then went to bed too.
The very next day with still a hangover from hell in the afternoon, we decided to re-heat something fast to satisfy our belly and before going out again. To our horror, there was a suspicious p** hair right in the middle of the microwave tray. How the hell did it end up there, that was our question and sure enough, we just pissed ourselves so bad there was only one perpetrator in the house!
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I was asked to give directions back in Chichester. I had been taught to maintain eye contact when talking to someone. Well, in carrying this out, I was pointing blindly behind me whilst giving the said directions and my index finger went right up someones nose.....
I don't know who was more injured; me with my wet and glistening finger, or the poor bloke with a painful nostril??!!
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Nemesis - sadly I did not look nearly as glam our Liz however I'd had rather a lot of champers by that point so I didn't really care!
Lammasita - fingers up noses??? Not sure if I want to meet you now!
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It was a long time ago!!!!
My finger is clean now....
I still think that one was better for me than when I was stretching my hands out and inadvertantly grabbed a strangers package!! I was clenching my fist around this strangers privates before I knew what was going on!!
This time I KNOW he was more upset about the whole incident!!
hee hee!
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Oh it happened to me too. But the guy that i "grabbed" was my professor. I never looked straight into his eyes ever since....
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Lammasita - I reckon you are a closet groper. All this 'accidental' touching up of strangers sounds far too coincidental to me.
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