Posted by
donnajames
19 yrs ago
I am 43 and my boyfriend age 35 just left me for a 22yr who doesn't work and she moved in with him and his mother i now that he did me a favor but I am hurt
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lulu
19 yrs ago
I am heart broken as well. at one time i thought i have bright hope that will have someone for this new 2006. but now it seems he vaporise...
just want you to know, you never alone.
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New year is the most common time for break ups. It is a time when we take stock of our lives and think about future.
New start for you too, it is tough, but it is a new opportuinity.
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lulu
19 yrs ago
sorry donna james > what do you mean by now he did you a favour?
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He did her a favour by breaking up with her - he was obviously not the guy for her.
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lulu
19 yrs ago
oh i think so, you should start to hate him instead. hahahah.
Anyway he is too young for you. what do you expect him in the future? so it is better he left early and show his ugly face.
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lulu
19 yrs ago
it's better than dragging along lah...hatred does not mean you have to take revenge or kill him. Just wish him all the best and remember his ugly side, that's better....
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I wouldn't say hatred necessarily but anger, yes. Anger can be a great motivator, the danger arises when you are unable to let go of that anger.
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I disagree. You can be angry with someone but not hate them.
Anyway, it's all semantics. A person will feel what they feel.
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shaq
19 yrs ago
A wise saying goes like this, "a set-back is only a set-up for a great come-back", and I've always like it. Perhaps, your bf leaving is a blessing in disguise. Put a positive spin on it, and move on with grace and confidence.
Donnajames >> I agree with most of the advise/contributions so far. Don't habour any hard feelings. At the end of the day, you'll only hurt yourself with a raging anger. Open your eyes and look around .... guys who deserve your heart (i.e., if you have one) are all round you... peace out!!!
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shaq
19 yrs ago
I can't agree with Nemesis more.
Stuff happens and when they do, we deal with them, learn from them, forget them, and look forward. Smile, just as Nemesis does .... Go gals :D.
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lulu
19 yrs ago
no matter what, just leave it aside and move on.
I am heart broken as well cos someoen push you up for hope and expectation and pull you down to the bottom, it is even worst.
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tia
19 yrs ago
I have to agree that anger and hatred are different. I have been angry with people I love and it does not make me love them less.
Hating people is like burning down your house to get rid of a rat. Does you more harm than good.
The opposite of love is not hate, but apathy, the act of NOT caring. Hatred is negative caring and a good way to rot your insides.
Donnajames: I am sorry for your loss, but yes, it sounds like he did you a favour. Better earlier than later when it was even harder or after marriage/kids/mortgages. A small consolation, I know, but there is often something better around the corner.
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lulu
19 yrs ago
yeah angry with someone does not help, i miss them more. I think i start to think they are a jerk or their ugly behaviour i will feel better.
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tia
19 yrs ago
Hoyo: What make you think she is NOT attractive? I know many beautiful 43 year olds!!
Beauty is not on the outside.
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It seems with Hoyo that beauty is the be all and end all...
Why think someone has to change to find a 'better' person??!!
Surely the task is to start liking yourself again so that others can too!!
.....honestly!!.......
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lulu
19 yrs ago
donna> you are beautiful, and keep yourself beautiful. He is just 35 year old selfish little prick that do not deserve your love.
Move on. Is that better? :)
I also say this to myself, i am 39 too, and i am single so no worries!
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There you go again, but the point isn't that what you are saying is wrong.... it's just that what you are saying is not positive enough and therefore not encouraging or welcomed!
You keep talking from your perspective which is 'one' male. You talk boldly of what men want and you appear to speak from your own experiences only. Sometimes (especially on this forum) people don't want to hear harsh possibilities for their future. After all, it is they who are in the middle of it all and using any means possible to help them focus on the situation in order to see a way out of it.
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Desperate Housewives put 40+ women back into the What's Hot category Hoyo. It is not that they were never previously hot, or esteemed, but lighter hollywood films just preferred flat chested juveniles with no brain for a while
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shaq
19 yrs ago
DOC >> You're right! Any generalization here will be ill-motivated (with due respect to Hoyo).
Some of us found a high degree of beauty in oldness and, for that matter, older women. The lady's chances are as bright as any other lady at any age. All she needs is confidence and a sense of self-esteem.
Peace!!
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Thank you all for your advise the reason I said he did me a favor is because he showed his real colors I know the pain will stop but right now I am barely making it we were together for 4 yrs and did everything together and to find out the person you trusted would do this to you is devastating I am in alot of pain but thank you for your thoughts
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Dear Donna James,
Wish you well and hope you'll get over this soon.
You'll have my spiritual support to mend a broken heart.
Take good care of yourself!
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Guys, I agree with most of you there that many posts from hoyo are annoyingly harsh and some are simply annoying (like "check your mail box!"), but I have to say that not all of them are silly. Sometimes he gives some good points. The thing is the way he puts what he wants to say.
For example, when he advised donna to concentrate on her body, change her wardrobe, etc. I did not inteprete it as his implication that donna was not beautiful. To look fresh and good looking is our daily care and need, be it women or men. But in this specific context of donna when we were comparing the age of the 2 women (given by donna first), I think the advice was appropriate having agreed that the maturity and wisdom of a woman below / over 40 is very attractive but if it's accompanied with freshness and novelty, is it more beautiful?
It's not that bad to hear another point of view. Isn't that the main purpose of all of us on this forum, to seek for empathy and get some inputs from different people?
And we all give our comments based mainly on either our own experience or of those we know, hear about. So there's nothing wrong with hoyo giving harsh comments based on his own bad experience in the past.
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It makes for juicier reading I suppose.....
Okay Hoyo, you're forgiven (in a manner of speaking)
but let's not be so gender biased eh???
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Donnajames - I experienced the same pain as you but from a guy's perspective. The woman I loved for four years and planned to marry abruptly left me for another man simply because he has money. It was the same kind of hurt you are feeling, the disbelief kind. You tell yourself how could your partner throw your precious love away for something as superficial as money or outer beauty in a moment's notice?
Time will heal the heart, and you'll find someone out there that's better than your ex. Cheap cliches but all true. Keep on journeying through life with a positive soul.
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