Posted by
Ida Lee
19 yrs ago
Is it normal for a married man to put his career and friend above his family?
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evohe
19 yrs ago
Friend above family : no brainer. It is not normal.
Career : some do, but it does not make sense : you work to live and not live to work. Some people think they have a mission at work, and would do anything for the company. But really they are not married to the company.
What is the problem exactly ? Why do you feel this way ?
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I feel that way because since my husband moved to China, he becomes very workaholic. I know he got greater responsibilities but I cannot accept the fact that he got no time for me at all. If he got time, he will go out with his friend or will just eat with his subordinates or boss, he said China culture is like that, a lot of entertainment, you need to entertain almost everybody, if not very difficult for you to work with them. Is it true??
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China is a bit like that.
In Shanghai and Shenzen (I assume HK) the working day is from about 7am to 10 pm, even if you are only in the office 9-5 yu are on call. Some of our freiends even have a phone in the toilet at home. I refused this 'conveniece'.
I find it hard to breath. You cannot procrastinate. If I think I can take 5 mins to catch my breath, coz I can do 'Job X' later, we hit another crisis, or someone calls and all plans fall apart.
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Attention cannot be quantified. Most men would not put carreer and certainly not friends over his family, but there is a different perspective.
I know a guy whose wife does not let him take anytime away from her. He used to a competive basketball player but he hasn't played in years because his wife doesn't want him to play. I invite him to play pickup with some of my friends who play 2 hours once a week. His wife won't let him. If I were him, I would leave my wife for that kind of overburdening situation. His wife may interpret such a move a "putting his friends over his family".
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Actually JC I think that is not even jealously it is about control.....I think that is even worse....how can one even live like that....
Damn it, at 1.22am I am hungry and not a morsel to eat....I knew I should have eaten after my exam....damn it all...
Sorry to get off the track, but a hungry flab just has a one track mind....
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Depends
I know ballers who have other habits, and back home there were people selling products to feed those habits. The vendors hung around the courts and for a few it was part of the lifestyle.
Maybe his wife has a presumption against hanging out with the guys at the court.
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In my group, most of the ballers are older professionals. Sure some guys participate in other recreational activities but in the gym, it's all clean and legal. Besides, it's up to the guy to show up and evaluate the situation. If you can't trust your husband to do that, your marriage is already done. Trust me, there are many other ways to get your fixin's.
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Some men naturally put there friends and work before their family.
My Dad went to boarding school at 6 (because of the war) and I think it must have trained him somehow to find it hard to show emotion. He always appeared to put others before us, including my mum. Work was all important; we never had a family holiday. Then because of the club/restaurant we owned, my dad would always put his customers first, followed by his staff, draymen were next as I recall, then the dustman, milkman..... are you getting my point??
Some men are unable to do anything else!!
I think he needs to find a partner as into their work and others as he is.... or..... live alone.
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Scut
I think I was trying to say, it depends on the guys history. Or the girls.
Lamma
Sometimes work is a substitute for intimacy for some men. This has been recognised and documented. Work is safer for men like this. My fathers generation (of Brits) was very bad for this.
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I agree with you TB. My original response was just the same point. When a woman says that her SO puts his buddies/friends/work over family it often depends on the definition of what that means. I find that it often means that if the man EVER chooses friends over family, even if it is 2 hours out of the week, it is interpreted as putting friends over family.
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Really??
They would have to be the obsessive, possessive sort then.....
Surely most women here wouldn't stop their other half going out with his mates??!!
Thanks TigerBay – I understand what you are saying about it being from the generation when work was yada yada... your dad's generation and my father must have come from similar times.... but we are both understanding of this are we not??!!
So why are there women out there who have some power to stop there hubbies?? Is it that the hubbie is weak to the will of his wife?
I've seen it with my dad (again!!) His new wife can do no wrong... the sun really does shine from her orifice according to my dad, but my mum could do no right!! He was an evil ba****d to her at times and the power came from him in that relationship, all mum had were her children....
Don't know where I'm heading with this one...
Maybe it's just some people can twist you to be a person they want to see, others get twisted!!
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Lamma
In fairness to my dad. He was stuck in a bad marriage with a very selfish woman.
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Tiger – I think I am just trying to emphasise my shock that people in all walks of life, in all capacities, try to bend people to their will.
Everywhere I look people are jockeying for poll position, to have the power, to be the one people look up to.... It makes me shudder that I have to exist in this rat race, where it's almost expected that you do this to others!!
What happened to being fair and good in all that you do, where has the drive for simple satisfactions gone??
Oh yes! It went with the 80's and the big boom times of power suits and ambitions being encouraged at every turn.....
It just upsets me when I read about people treating each other like poo.....
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