Posted by
rats
19 yrs ago
There is a post here questioning if career is 'that' important to men.
I have seen men give up their career and come to HK to be a ‘English teacher’ , experiencing a new city, get a easy –high paid job (though boring) and most important, to be more near to the beloved one.
I have seen women just get marry and move countries, it seems career is nothing to them and they are satisfied of being a housewife because they find the one the love. Also women gave up their relationship because they are too happy for their independency and career, or simply think it is their 1st priority to remain ‘financially independent as ‘modern women’. They have so much to offer and relationships come to the 3rd/4th in their live after career/own family/friends…
(Off track a bit –guess that’s one of the main reasons for the happening of so many LDR ?)
I would also like to ask a silly question here ---If love and career are mutually exclusive, what would you opt for?
Man – will you feel miserable to give up your career/family and go to a foreign to be a language teacher (Chinese/English/French/Arab…you name it)
Or start over from the bottom of career ladder again?
Woman- will you feel inferior/stupid/insecure to give up your career/family and to be a housewife depending on your bf/ husband? Does it bother you when you see your friends who are not intellectually better than you moving up their career ladder while you are doing housework?
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i don't think one can simply generalise into 2 groups: man & woman. there are men who are happy being language teachers as you've mentioned and career women opted to stay behind for the career they build. such a discussion could go on n on w/o any conclusion. it's all about what individuals want, what makes them happy. besides at different stages of your life, priorities change.
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tia
19 yrs ago
It is a little infair to assume women give it all up to be a housewife as well. If I moved to be with the boyfriend, I would be starting over at the bottom of the profession and working my way back up as well.
Would I move if it meant becoming a housewife? Honestly, no. That is not a life I would want and anyone who wanted to spend his life with me would know that and not ask that of me.
My relationship/friends/family are far more important than my career, but at the same time, I know that *I* need the career on track to be true to myself and my relationship with myself is also important. It's not selfish, it's self-knowledge. If I cheat myself, somewhere, someone else will get cheated as well.
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rats
19 yrs ago
Show_N_Neil - I am not expecting a conclusion and each individual has different thoughts. It is just great to collect different opinions and if lucky, to see what the majority thinks...
Tia- It was just an assumption, doesn't mean it has to be. Just the question has been fixed to a specific situation - i.e. IF the two (career and relationship) are mutually exclusive. :)
Btw, starting all over takes a long way, luck and courage, and sometimes the situation is not all up to you.
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i'm with you, pumpkin! after i'm done with my plans for world domination, i wouldn't mind settling down as a love-slave/domestic goddess! ;-)
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rats
19 yrs ago
Pumpkin- domestic engineer, you make it sounds so professional and temptable :D
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:-O it's NOT?! hmmm must re-examine the love-slave/domestic goddess job description
;-D
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Reviving this post..
Rats, in answer to your last question if women will feel insecure/stupid/inferior giving up their career to move with husband to another country---my answer is no.
After a high-flying, stressful career, shifting gears and becoming a housewife/ lady of leisure :-)is such a welcome reprieve. I see it as a phase, (and enjoying every minute of it)cos I know I will want to resurrect my career again.
Most of the time, our perception of events make all the difference--I don't see it as giving up something for my husband's career. I see it as an opportunity to focus on myself, our relationship and having the time to learn other things (leisurely). It has its ups and downs, but I appreciate all aspects that come with the job description.
WRT friends overtaking me in the career ladder, why should I be bothered??? I'm climbing a different ladder now, and if they work hard and work smart, I would be more than happy to see them get there.
In the meantime, back to sorting socks..
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tia
19 yrs ago
Good advcie Annebin! Something I should listen to. I know it would be a big change. I have made big changes before and survived, so why would this be any different?
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Right on Tia!
The way we accept and react to any change, whether big or small, dictates our happiness and contentment. While it takes a lot of courage and optimism to face changes, you've done it once and succeeded (and not just survived), you CAN do it again.
Stay happy :-)
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"If I cheat myself, somewhere, someone else will get cheated as well."
That's such a wise statement Tia, thanks :)
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To answer the silly question first, I think I want it all. I think everybody does but at certain points people make concessions for limits of time, energy or confidence. I'm 24 by the way, so I have to be careful balancing ambition with reality.
And as to whether to men career is really that important, it's not about men or women. But I know a man, love him deeply, for whom career is the number one priority. Success. So much so that much of the rest of his life becomes a savage garden, once created never tended. I don't take it personally but it still very much affects me. For him I mostly feel sad that he's so isolated because either he doesn't balance better or he's driven to prove himself but may not have picked a broad enough criteria of success. Maybe if he had that balance I wouldn't be flying to Beijing May 22nd, the day after my graduation for the indefinite future.
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rats
19 yrs ago
annebin and pumpkin- maybe the key point is - you two have already had your high fly career and I am just a beginning. I am only having my first job (Note: not even a 'career')about a year ago. So I am more seriously bothered by those questions. If I had my time, I wouldn't mind giving up my high flying career for a period of time and trying to enjoy another stage of my life. annibe- you have mentioned it, afterall, you will resurrect your job. What if it's no longer feasible?
HelloBeijing- what's your story? You mean if your bf weren't that much into his career, you would stay in your home country to be with him and would give up the idea of flying to Beijing?
Back to the silly question, of course we all want it all, and it is stated clearly my silly question is based on the fact that if career and relstionship are mutually exclusive. So your reply didn't quite answer my question :)
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Personally i cannot do that, it just a risk. Relationshion does not gaurantee a living. May be marriage, might prove a bit more security.
but if i like that country and i know i can manage to survive there, even by myself, I will think about that.
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rats
19 yrs ago
rouge- so you think one should fist secure a job under any circumstance?
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rats
19 yrs ago
rouge- it is not tempting to be a housewife. I wouldn't if I have the option :) Your friend can easily expand her social ciricle with the time she has. joining charity, learning a new hobby, or set up little busniess without worrying not earning enough (as you mention her husband is rich). It is all about attitude ;) Then you touch another sensitive topic - you can only be happy when your husband is doing well? Poor family can't enjoy their simple life and have true happniess? um... I doubt...
don't know why- thank you very much for sharing your story, it definitely helps me :)
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Hi Rats,
My career has taken a backseat by choice and I'm currently enjoying my new "job". If and when I decide to resurrect my career, you asked what if it weren't feasible?.. In my mind, there will always be opportunities to learn and grow in whichever country I will be. For me, a career is not only about earning heaps of money or power lunches or benefits. They are important, but equally valuable too, is being able to maximize my potential as a person, continuous learning and fulfillment in what I am doing.
While I do not expect to pick up where I left off in terms of my career, I am optimistic that there are many opportunities out there to explore. I can step out of my comfort zone and will even cosider starting from the bottom again.
When I was in my 20s, I wouldn't also consider being a housewife. I felt that the world is out there to be conquered! What's important Rats is, you follow your own road. If deciding to focus on your career and letting relationships take a backseat at the moment will ultimately make you happy, go for it!
WRT your question of having both? I would say it is possible but both you and your partner would have to work together to achieve it.
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rats
19 yrs ago
rouge- you'd better tell your friend , being bored is not the reason for having babies. And one can never get bored if s/he is smart enough. You sounds nice and smart ;P maybe you can give her little hints so that she knows how to occupy herself?
Annebin- I argee with what you said. Maybe the difference is, you have had it all (career wise) so you are content and happy to leave it for something more enjoyable- taking your family and kids. :) letting the relationship take a setback makes me sad, but not having a career upset me as well. I am being caught in the middle.
And I just wonder how one preceive such a siutation, male or female, when those two issues have to be mutually exclusive. Should we follow our brain? or should we follow our heart? :)
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rats
19 yrs ago
rouge- 'been there, done that' <--that's exactly what I don't have :)
That's why I always think of 'what ifs', though it is not typical me.
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rats,
The "been there, done that" stuff are not always made up of positive experiences, but nonetheless, they help mold the kind of person you are becoming.
Forge ahead, be bold, and do the things you feel passionate about! Forget about getting hurt, about failing. If and when you stumble, get on your feet and march on. Stay positive rats!
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rats
19 yrs ago
rouge-btw, if having a kid is really what she want, not just because of boring, it is ok. :) Godma, sweet, be prepared to spend a few penny for the baby shower :P hehee
annebin- Thanks, I am usually positive and I know I am a 'champion' :D
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rats
19 yrs ago
tutt- but taking care the baby will ;)
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rats
19 yrs ago
rouge- I can tell, all the babies are so adorable, sometime I wish there were 'baby-rental' services :P (anyone wants me to take care their baby now???? (baby-sitting?))
Your friends baby is blessed to have two loving 'moms' in his life as well :D
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Last year I was here studying chinese, enjoying life in Shanghai.. Then I met this wonderful girl who is now, my girlfriend. I was to go home to Australia to work and be with my family and friends.. We, early on had this discussion and the fact was, it was easier for me to stay in Shanghai than her to come to Australia. Note that earlier she had two wai guo boyfriends that (to me) used her while she was here, and then left after a few months with a silent promise to come back (and never did).. So she didn't want another foreigner to do the same thing.
To me, career and opportunity can be found anywhere around the world as long as you can see it.. People usually go through days without noticing what is going on around them, especially those great opportunities.
With all that in my mind, I followed my heart and it is the best decision I have made thus far. Will it last? Who knows, but I'd rather try and find out than go home wondering if it could have or not.
Cheers.
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rats
19 yrs ago
One Drone- thanks for sharing your story. :)
You are a living success of following one's heart ;)
May I ask you one more question, though one can success in career anywhere as long as he can see the opportunities, honestly speaking, in which country can you pursuit your career a bit easier, i.e. more opportunities? probably in China?
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