you want a "nice, simple relationship without any drama...that feels good and connects at all levels". rouge, unless you meet your karmic twin in the next week, this could take years.
if you're serious about breaking your cycle, then you have to change your objective in earnest and work from there, starting with yourself.
you need to take a long hard clear-eyed look at your history, IF you really want to change and control your future. you say your past relationships broke up because "the realities of building a life together would hit" you...what exactly do you mean by that? did you break up, or did the guy(s)? what were the exact reasons given?
when you are clear and honest about the actions and behaviors that led to your past break-ups, STOP acting/behaving that way, AND don't date guys that act/behave that way. easier said than done, but definitely doable...IF you are serious about changing your relationships.
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oh sorry - i didn't answer your main question: yes, attraction is absolutely necessary, before and throughout a relationship. it is the nature of the attraction that ideally evolves over the course of the relationship. i shamelessly admit that i liked the look of my honey the moment i laid eyes on him - and was able to cop a feel of his lovely broad shoulders and chest when i hugged him at the end of our first meeting! - but i know that it is his sense of humor, generous heart, and huuuuuge...brain (;-D haha) that will keep me with him when we are sitting side by side in our zimmers in the nursing home. hopefully he feels the same about me, when all my "hotness" is gone and i am a toothless - but charming - old crone. <:-)
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tia
19 yrs ago
Rouge: Yes, if you have had a bit of a time with relationships, pehaps it is a good idea to enjoy singledom for a bit.
If you know what you want in a relationship, do not settle for less. Is attraction important? In some ways, but like everything, beauty fades, so you should make sure that you have common interests and goals.
When I met my b/f, did his attractiveness blow me away? Honestly...nope. But after spending time talking with him and getting to know him, he became much more attractive.
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you're doing the right thing.
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Hey Rouge, I feel exactly the same. I dont want to jump into a relationship just because I am attracted to the person and while the rest of the equation still remains a question. He has to be right enough. Because I am tired. I am tired of getting into a relationship and going through the heartaches and disappointments. Although it is always tempting to have a short fling, but I realise that it will takes a toll on me...it will put me back to square one. I would rather enjoy a peace of mind and look a the real one.
To answer your question, attraction is definitely a crucial factor in a relationship. However, there are other important factors as well to keep a long-term relationship.
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tia
19 yrs ago
If you are not feeling it in your heart that you can be with this guy, then you should not be. If you know and believe he is a bit of a player and not committment ready, then don't pursue it. If you can keep it casual, then great, do that.
You said that LDR is out for you and you need to have a relationship that makes you feel good. If he is leaving, best not to get involved.
I think you have made the right move.
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the only downside I am seeing is, you've had 10 years under your belt, but only one relationship (barring any side quests ... of course). Experiencing more can give you a wider perspective, but at least you are now clearer on what you want.
Attraction is important, but that can't alone be a deciding factor since you've practically spent 10 years with this guy. Great eyes, broad chest, etc., can't hold any relationship together unless the person is *very* superficial.
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perhaps DallasCowboys meant to reply to xtal75's "Looking for a Partner" thread
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evohe
19 yrs ago
Mmm JC : I would love to see some of your new acquisitions ... :-)
You are always grouarrrr. Beware men, when JC unleashes her power. La chica has mui mui tiger en el motor.
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