Okay, I read it -H.J.N.T.I.Y.

Went today to buy that book that everyone seems to be quoting here: He's Just Not That Into You.


So I went to the book store, started scanning it, discovered that it was only about 200 pages long, and viola~in no time, I'd read it all and was, um, a good bit depressed!!!



Basically, there are THREE major points that the book seems to be making:


1) Guys are chicken and will almost never tell a woman to her face that he doesn't want to date HER [this is the point the AUTHORS want to get across]

~or~

in some situations the guy DOES tell the woman and she excuses him/his behaviour.


2) Guys need to pursue: biologically/God Ordained/ evolutionarily/however you want to label it.

This wasn't a book about false eyelashes or false behaviour in women, but a guide to convince women to not make excuses for men…especially men we want to date/are dating. I found many of the examples relevant... I have seen women make excuses from "he's too busy" to "his wife is mean to him." [go pick a thread, almost ANY thread here or in Women's….]



So far, so good.


However, the more I thought about it, the more I began to realize that there was an insidious, yet subtle message also running as an undercurrent throughout the entire book:



3) Guys can play all of the games that they want to, but women should be above that, be more intelligent, and should be taught [by the authors] to see through all the B.S. that men dish out.

This is like "A Field Guide to the Birds," where men are the lesser species. I tired quickly of the Oprah-babble that says we women are all "go-girl" beautiful and brill and we Deserve the RIGHT Man. Okay, yes, I want to agree with that part... but the delivery was somewhat gender biased!



Finally [and HERE is my question]-- doesn't this mean that MEN can behave any way they want and women have to be the adults in this world?



Oh-as a note—when and if the guy _IS_ THAT into you, he will be wonderful, perfect, call you multiple times a day [as the male author claims he does his wife] and be undeniably and permanently smitten.

Kristan


ive read the above and have indeed met the men that have obviosuly helped the author write this book....lol


I comprehend all that you are saying but unfortunately im gunna need more than my current 3 brain cells in order to respond on this one.

Kristin, Hi,

I dont think that one should be guidelined by the guy himself, but to give him the necessary freedom (but, not too much) in order to develop in terms of (platonic)friendship, relationship, love or just hypocritical exchange (you know the "hi" and "bye" kind).

There are a lot of situations, that the gal can control, but again, it does take two to work it out. There's no guaranteed formula unfortunately.

Advice for the gal will be not to focuss all of her attention to 1 guy, and be wise to plan her time to stay busy with other guys, interpersonal activities, work etc. At least she wont be disappointed THAT much if she finds out the truth.

N.B. It's also very important to stay realistic as some may be carried away and have huge expectations, which easily lead to disappointment.

I've read the book as well but what the book says is pretty much something we all know fairly well and we all know what we are supposed to deal with those scenarios.. my motto these days have been "u can't control how you feel but you can control your action, follow your head not your heart"

what's cajones?

even while I am not a man those two words together 'lance and cajones' really kind of sounded very painful...like an accident waiting to happen...

Um... people??? Could you answer my question? I'll knock out the blather and just repost it here:


[quote='Kristin49998']

that book that everyone seems to be quoting here: He's Just Not That Into You.

[HERE is my question]-- doesn't this mean that MEN can behave any way they want and women have to be the adults in this world?

[/quote]


Oh-- and as a side note, I didn't buy it.. I finished it in the bookstore...

yes, men can behave any way they want. and women can use their brains and judgement and intuition, and choose to accept or reject men's behavior.

Well, some men are like big children and need to be lectured.

Take your pick...a boring lecture? or a seductive lecture? or the nagging kind? how abt something in the constructive way?