Posted by
lammasita
19 yrs ago
I have given myself the crash course in "dating don'ts" over the years, but would like to hear of all the things that worked!!
Of course, it would be nice to hear of other dating don'ts too!! I wouldn't feel in such a minority then...
...you remember the fluffy jumper saga??!!
Please enlighten me on your bloopers and successes, but not too mushy though eh?
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I knew those!! Luckily, I've never done it either!!!
Come on Pink Tulip and Expatchina what have you done that has worked in the past??
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dogs can be real ice-breakers for first dates, if it happens to be an outdoor activity. but not to say go buy a dog to match your fleece vest for your first date. for both single parents, bring your kids instead :-) but that's kinda tough, how many "date-able" single fathers are there?
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Before we go over old ground....
..I know about not eating or sucking bones (couldn't do it anyway), not eating bacon sandwiches or spaghetti or crab and sweetcorn soup. I know about not spouting undying love after the first compliment, or thinking someone that asks you for a shag in a bar actually loves you!!
I have learnt from the book of Ax and am craving to learn more...
.....Tell me do...
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Undercovabratha - man boobs!!
Another Ax member with these appendages!!!
Or merely the same with a new name??
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avoid ordering food with sesame seeds.....but if you can't, at least request for white ones :-) but what's with sweetcorn soup?
oh, here's one, whenever offered a mint, just take it! whether u think / know you haven't got bad breadth.
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Sweetcorn and crab - the crab bits dribbled down my chin making me look very attractive!!
I just don't go there anymore...
On the note of mints...
I was on a short flight from Paris to Southampton and had this man come and sit next to me. We had been seated in the emergency exit and so had something to start talking about. It was immediately evident that, as nice as this guy was, he had really bad halitosis. I reached down to get some mints to offer him only to find that my bag had been whipped off to an overhead cabinet because of the emergency exit!!
That flight was 60 minutes long!!!.... :(
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I like Air France - the flights full of men!!!
...arrogant, garlicy men granted... but interesting to watch nevertheless!
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try to engage in a positive conversation, nothing heavy on first few dates,the easier way to find common ground is movies / music you love, share a few jokes and also your passion in life, but most important is to listen to the date instead of talking about yourself all the time.
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lammasita: didnt u wish u had gills then? i once sat in front of someone with stinky feet who took of his shoes!!!!! it was HCM - SIN flight.....ewwwww
talkg of which i worked with a guy who had notorious breadth and he would overlook my shoulders and make comments on whatever's on my computer screen. we always offer him mint but he never took it!!! once someone put an oral hygiene flyer from a nearby dental clinc in his in tray. didnt work either. don't even start with how to tell another colleague she has B.O. yes, it's a "she".
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UCB (your shortened name under...)- I don't 'do' garlic as it makes me ill...
and from your last comment I am SURE I know you!!!!
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Good advice Ame!!
Show-n-tell - very funny!! Bad feet is horrid... my mum had had a new carpet put in and her friend who had notoriously bad feet came round to visit shortly after the carpet was installed. He naturally went to take his wellingtons off, in order to save the new carpet from getting dirty...
Well the smell that came from his boots AND his feet made us all go green, so mum asked him to put his boots back on!!!
Screw the carpet!!!
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the colleague w body ordor story - imagine this, my boss asked me to tell her to do something about it. i tried subtle hints such as,"...personal grooming is essential for a sales n marketg person....such as make sure you don't smell." she went, "...ha ha ha...don't tell me i do? ha ha ha..." i tried EVERYTHING even to the extend of getting her a proven effective n expensive deodrant. but either she didnt use it or the deodrant failed on her.
on that note, what would you do if your date whom you really like had bad breadth or/and body odor?
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Undercoverbratha -
...had to drop her!!...
Had you picked her up to dance with then??!!
It's not nice to drop people you know!!
I don't think I could get past the smell to continue dating - I'm shallow, I know, but my olfactory lobes are highly tuned and it would not do to desensitise them!
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show n tell - which deodrant were you talking about? I think I would get one for our office assistants as he AND she has a death calling BO... if that deodrant failed, then a gas mask is in need....
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K_E - oooo....don't remember coz it was a while back and i think i got it from a clinic...one of those pharmaceudical brands. but i was told that that indonesians use this very effective "local formula" which is fairly cheap. where to get it in hk is another problem. maybe just go straight with the gas mask.
question: which is more of a fatal situation? Partner with B.O. or like on the other thread, farting?
O.
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agree....i once spent the night with a guy who has a slight B.O., not fatal but if u get close enough.....anyway i kept trying to keep his arms closed but he kept trying to "cradle" me to sleep as, quote, "the way a woman should fall a sleep is in the arms of a man....." u can imagne how much sleep i had that night.
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SNT - then have to dig out the White Pages... the OA just pop into the office... where is my roon spray! Help!
Answer - B.O., farting is just a temporary thing but BO is more permanent... same goes for bad perfumes 'gag"
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UCB - why bother with the uniform then? :-)
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KE: or have a gill transplant so u don't have to breathe thru your nose.
yeah, maybe someone should tell Bahoo on the other thread that at least his situation with his wife isnt as fatal as B.O. It's not the end of the world.
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ShowNTell - you seem to have a plethora of stories related to smell...
...tell us more, they're so funny...!!
Oh and BTW - you KNOW UCB has a thing for uniforms. I reckon he was whipped by matron at boarding school, and THAT incident is what drives him nowadays...
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LOL!!!!!!!! don't even start, i bet UCB has a schoolgirl uniform fettish too...ewwww....
this isnt really funny but once went on a first date with this guy i really fancy. as we were driving back to his apt in his spanking new lexus....i couldn't help smelling sudden release of sulfuric stench. the next thing, he was rolling down the car window.
ok, everyone knows this trick right? if u had to fart in an elevator full of people, do it silently and then pinch you nose n go, "oh, how inconsiderate! who is that?!!!" hahahaha....
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or may a House Maid uniform with a pink feather duster?
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yeah...i bet it's his fantasy to be in one! hahahaha
hey KE,so are the he & she OA a couple? i mean why torture other people, they're such a good match for each other.
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and...always make sure the ladies wear the non-stinky shoes n guys have clean socks. my fav jap restaurant is the real authentic type where u have to remove your shoes, but i never suggest that for a first date, in case he didnt have clean socks. also you never know how the first date might end, what if he/she wants to invite you to his/her apt? u know how it is in asia, you have to remove your shoes....of course not mention if you're being invited to the apt, your socks better not be the only clean n presentable pair on you.....he he...
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likewise give your apt a quick cleanup before you go for the date. even if you're a "no sex on a 1st date" person, he might really need to take a piss when he sends you to your doorstep. better to be prepared.
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vibe
19 yrs ago
A few more general don'ts for the men:
1. Don't be too much of a nice guy. It's no secret women aren't powerfully attracted to "nice guys".
2. Don't convince her to like you. If she's not interested, she's not interested.
3. Don't look for her approval. This doesn't mean treat them badly, rather, just don't seek approval.
4. Don't try to buy her affection. This says "I don't think you like me for who I am, so I'm going to try and buy your attention and interest".
5. Don't share your feelings too early.
6. Don't be shy asking friends for help. Collectively they've experienced things you haven't, and you're no less of a man for asking for insight.
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lulu
19 yrs ago
Any helping tips of making you feel like dating anymore?
I do not feel like dating anymore. I feel like folding up myself! ...
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lulu, don't fold yourself...how about thinking of it as a free meal? save yourself a frozen tv dinner one night? or...at one point i used to think of dates as networking for my career. 7 deg of separation, you never know who they know!
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don't eat mussels, I literally almost choked on a mussel lip on a date - it wasn't really an attractive look....but apparently it wasn't a turn off either ;-)
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what about slurping oysters.....that must be a huge turn on! LOL
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SNT - no, the OA are not a couple, but they are equally annoying.... not just the offensive BO... =p
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KE - the more they should get together
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Do it. get a atractive look but not sl..ty
talk and pay attention when the other party talks
don't do... do not ask for spagetty during dinner
do not sleep with him in first date.
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Reminder to both sexes - wash down "there"! Give it a good scrubbing!
I once went out with this girl who stank badly - even after having a bath and with her legs closed the stench filled the room. It was most off putting and got to the point where I couldn't face it anymore (I'm trying to keep this clean). Enough was enough, I had to ditch her using a dodgy excuse. I couldn't exactly bring up the subject of "you've got a smelly vag" so had to use the old one liner "I'm not the right guy for you".
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TMC - are there not anonymous sites for telling people things like this....it sounds like the poor woman had a yeast infection...there is probably a medical reason for that.
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Set a duration for the date, if you guys havent met before, at least it avoids you buying unecessary time and if things go cool, you will look forward to next date.
Don't go too much on first impressions and give both a little more credit (time) to get to know each other, unless a HUGE turn off arises.
Take your time and use it wisely. Cheers,
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old macdonald perhaps you could go and search on the internet....women get yeast infections.....
http://www.msu.edu/user/eisthen/yeast/
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Don't use your tongue to pick your teeth after a meal.
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kids (and even ex-spouses) are considered baggage IF you are not up front about them from the very start. best to be honest about personal situations from the get-go. saves everyone time by weeding out undesirable candidates immediately.
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jeffasia you sound like a prince, but for a chick it is a waf-fer thin line between doing the grab for the purse and letting the guy you meant it without getting all bra-burny about it.
Also boys another turn off(this really happened folks)is when you are on a date with a guy and he says "I think you are beautiful, and I know my girlfriend will think so too.."
I am all for a bargain but that ain't the kind of two for one gig I am after thanks very much
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Very true, and if he asks to meet you early on, say 5 or 6 o clock, you know that he is not sure so doesn't want to waste an entire night on a dodgy date.
I also had a date a while back with this guy and we got on really well, but it soon turned into the drink-olympics, we had a great time but I think I lost him after the 10th jager. Ho hum we are good friends now, but I wonder....
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And that's half the problem!!
We know all the friggin' tricks and yet we all still play them...
This thread, as funny as it is, has shown me that I am not the 'dating' type!
I can't concentrate so hard on my self to be able to "mimic his actions", "flutter my eyelashes" and innumerable other things one must do in order to get the 2nd date!!
It's not me...
...to be honest, I agree with the principle that "there is someone out there for all of us", but it just seems to me that my bloke lives in blinkin' Antarctica or somewhere else equally remote!!!
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or in your home country!
Yeah, for me first dates are as they work out - not that I would start picking my nose in front of someone, or start farting, or flirting with other men.
For me it is just about two people having a good time, and getting to know each other a little better. Where are all the rules in that?
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I agree Flabbergasted!!
Why the need??
But it's all the competition... and if you're a weak, cowardly man who desn't know what he wants, then of course you're going to go for the whole shabang, not the natural as-they-come sort.
Nice to hear from you...haven't heard you in ages!!
How have you been??
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Lammasita,
I do remember that you had a worst first date ever, or something, and that was with the fluffy jumper, but mine was like this.
He picked me up at my house, and proceeded to run all over the house without my permission to check it out, he even opened the fridge door (yeah, I was totally flabbergasted), we went to a restaurant and he chose the lowest cost dish, while I just chose what I wanted, stole a half bottle of mineral water from the next table, went on and on about right wing politics and how he hated everything that wasn't blonde and Ayrian(I am not blonde), and then when the bill came and I had had enough, he wanted to me to pay more as my dish was a couple of Euro more, and then he didn't have enough cash, so he simply said you pay. I just said to the waiter - I will pay for mine, I am sure he has a cash card as he works for a bank.
Added to that he asked to have an antique ceramic dish he had seen in my house, as he thought I could just replace it easily on one of my frequent trips to Asia and complained when I said "absolutely not", because he reckoned it was 'as cheap as chips'. HHHmmmhhh! I don't know what was worse, his racist right wing policies, or saying that my ceramics much have been cheap!!!
I think that my story of choking on the lip of a mussel was far preferable to this date.
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Lammsita, I have been really very busy, a bit too busy in fact and am slacking off as I write this. Actually I have not seen many people around for a while....everyone must be asleep or bored with the slim pickings on AX these days!
Will be busy for a little while longer, have to really get some things in order....work, work, study study makes flabbergasted a dull girl....a dull girl in need of a good waxer.
How are you? Is there going to be a SHAG night next week?
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What does that acronym stand for!!!??
Oh yes! On the note of the fluffy jumper - it was actually one of the good dates I've had!! I'm not telling my worst ones...
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Vulvic made it up....it was something about a singles awareness gathering (forget what the H was for!)
It just made me think of worse dates. I went out for a drink a few months ago, and didn't actually realise it was a date until the guy kept trying to play footsy with me under the table all night....
I have worse stories....but that story with the guy and the mineral water (it was in Europe for all those girls that think all European men are knights in shining armour) has to be simply a waste of time. Going on dates and having a great laugh, and a good time, erstwhile finding out the attraction is not there is not a waste of time. Process of elimination, rather!
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Yeah, that Tutti, and that is the point we were making earlier.
I guess we call it a date for an easy and quick way to describe the situation...I remember years ago this friend used to call it dating and it always struck me as a really antiquated way to express it. Perhaps I use it now as I am antiquated!
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going on a date does not mean thinking of getting into someone's pants on the first meeting. As described above by myself, it is a way to get to know someone and have a good time - a good time as in a few laughs etc.
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I think I am going to have to choose a new moniker....I chose flabbergasted after I was absolutely flabbergasted at something unmentionable on this site.....
and now everyone is calling me flabbers, or flab, or flabby....not a really attractive sound....just like my Dad when he sees me used to say 'Nice to see MORE of you'.....
;-)
But no offense taken fruit loops....(it is not just you actually - Lammasita also, but she realised and apologised in the same sentence...and someone else....I am sure other people have been thinking the same thing !!!)
Signed by Ms. Getting flabbier by the second.
My new moniker should be Chinese Fighting Dog....
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jeffasia - sadly I do not fit into Bourneman1971's age category..... ;-)
But yeah, that struck me as a little odd the critereon and the description, but some are just not so good at putting all their fantastic attributes into words....
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Do be polite, especially on a first date. It it when you're well into the relationship that you can crack jokes on each other's hygeine.
Don't be late-EVERY FRIGGIN TIME.
Do respect each other's space. Even if your date is so hot that you've mentally undressed them, it might not be the case for him/her. Constant PDAs can be a nuisance.
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I can accept tardiness, but not as a habit. I once dated this girl who basically made me wait for an hour before she was ready and made up some dumb excuses.
On the second date, she also made me wait for an hour and a half. By the end, I just left and she actually had the nerve to call me, wondering where I went.
People, and especially women, who are late like this need to realize that it's an insult and a lack of respect for another person's time.
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Jeffasia - funny comment about Bourneman - I think I had a joking dig at him somewhere along the line... also, I too don't fit into his age range!!
DalasCowboy - The lateness thing - I totally agree with you and I've had it first hand too!!
These women aren't just late for guys!! My friend kept me waiting 3 hours before she was ready!!!
I was getting really frustrated after an hour so you can sense what state I was in by the time we got out. When I asked her why she didn't start to get ready until really late, when she knew she would need that much time she just said "Oh! I didn't realise the time!! ha ha!"
...not amusing...
she never got that it was rude and bad manners to keep someone waiting that long.
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I had this friend who waslike this for everyone, one two and three hours late to get ready for the local pub juts up the street. Now I am telling you for this place preperation only was to remember to put clothes on, and clothes would do, because it was really nothing special. In fact it was a dive really.
People used to complain, but when I weeks visiting her in her own country, I had such a bad time, because all the hours late, kept us out of places of interest, doors had closed or were closing by the time we went there, or once I was so hungry I was faint before going out because I had to wait so long.
I just became so irritated in the end that I left. She still cannot understand to this day, and she herself gets annoyed with people who harrass her about lateness. Her family even told me that they lie to her about the time because they cannot stand it, but in this way they are encouraging her to keep doing it, but I guess it is the only way they can actually cope with it.
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