I’m a runner, quite outdoorsy and adventurous. It’s not to easy to find a woman of similar inclination… the reality is that I spend most of my free time on weekends, and some evenings, running or engaging in some sort of physical activity. If I date someone who is not an outdoor nut, or doesn’t enjoy similar outdoor activities, then I won’t have much time left on weekends to see her, not to mention I’d feel sad not being able to share my passion with my significant other.
What is the right recipe for a successful relationship? Should people:
-Share the same/similar hobbies so they can enjoy them together?
-Have diverse interests so that you can introduce each other to new experiences?
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I would say the first and formost ingredient of a successful relationship is your mutual love / feelings. You jsut cannot try to find the significant other based on your hobbies. It comes at a later stage of a relationship.
That's my 2 cents.
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it all depends whether you have feelings for the person. Sometime i think finding your other half cannot be all about "on paper".
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Rouge... i hear you about morphing into one person... and soon you're wearing matching jackets and hats... and it's all down hill from there, but I also share your opinion that common hobbies are (or have been) important to me.
The challenge is, when we discuss weekend plans... if I want to go running, then play tennis and then hiking the following day... and your plan is shopping, followed by tea with friends, and movie after that... when do we get to spend time together?
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Funnybaby, of course you are right... but, running and exercising is important to me... so, do you think one can be happy in a relationship where you DON'T share your primary hobby and use of free time?
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tia
19 yrs ago
SOME shared, some separate. I would think that 24/7 togetherness would drive some people mad. I would never expect my partner to share in everything I do,nor do I want to share in all he does. We need time to do our own things.
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Strange, one of my answers gone disappear, it should not an offensive one, right?
Cyber> i think you could share some degrees of interests besides running and exercising. It's all depend on what your prime hobbies are what thing you would like to share, it all depends on what you think.
For me, i would like someone who into watching movies and travel around with me. If they sacred of flying, i will stop going out with him in the first place. Do not want to upset each other in the latter days.
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Pritt
19 yrs ago
Share some degree of interest would definitely help, and don't think it's necessary has to be an exact match. Even if she's not too interested in the same thing, I'm sure you can use your charm and lure her into it.
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hey there, we are on the same boat!
im a runner too, used to spent my weekends on hills training and weekdays' nights either training, learning, reading or tutoring. Met a couple of nice guys, but turned out that we shared not the same interests and they thought me too preoccupied with my life and hobbies and they are not interested anymore because I am basically not free for them! ;'(
So, I 100% understand your frustration.
I tried to do the things they do (develop diversed interests) and participated in wargames (either BB, paint ball and got myself bruised, but hell lots of fun :P), and go to orchestras (never did it before) and I liked what they like, but they still do not share my PASSION and yeah, split then...
So, I guess it's not a matter of share of interest but if you are willing to give that person more of your time and sacrifice some of your hobbies for the oen you are interested in...
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yes, Pumkin u r right, compromise~
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Arethusas... i feel your pain. it's tough when you hobby takes up a lot of your time and energy and you can't share that with your partner.
I guess that is what makes running and fitness different than, say, a love of museums. Most people don't go to museums 4-5 times per week and twice on weekends. So, you don't miss out on the same amount of time together.
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hey cybersprocket,
Indeed, my friends always tell me i need not worry anything about dating and having a relationship cause they all thought I should shift my priorities... but... now that i trained less than before, i gained lots of pounds...
Life is... realli tricky... I can only laugh it off... haha
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JC, that emans Im so fat that I am ashamed to go out and show myself!!! ;'(
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What happened to Ann Drogynous' replies?? Have they been axed by the Ed?
I was looking forward to a fight, virtual as it would have been...
On the note of the thread, I learnt the hard way that it is important to have some things of your own to do. I completely stopped doing mine in favour of doing the activities my boyfriend wanted to do... needless to say, it was NOT the thing to do, so now I do not drop my things for a bloke, but I do think that a compatible partner will naturally be into some of the same activities as you, which is good!
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Ed
19 yrs ago
Removed - ban will be next if I see comments like this again
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Cyber
The running thing is more than a hobby if you take it seriosly, as you appear to. It demands a lot of time and dedication. I have seen marriages broken by the 'obsession'.
On the other side of the coin, a freind of mine took up running very seiosly in his mid 30's. No girlfriend understood.
He eventaully ran off with another runner from the athletics club. Although she was actually married to a non runner at the time.
They have since married and had kids and share thier passion for running.
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Tigerbay, I'm not sure I'd call running MORE than a hobby, but it's certainly one of my more beloved activities, and I do it often.
In the year that I have lived on HK, I did date a woman from one of my running groups for about 3 months. It didn't work out, but we remain good friends. Unfortunately, the running community is not that large (read, few choices, and if it ends badly, you have to see her at the running club every week...), buti do think this is a great base for a relationship as you have a commong hobby and can spend time doing it together, but also introduce each other to your other interests.
I did the HK marathon yesterday and there were 39,000 runners... where are are the intelligent, funny women who I chased in the marathon hiding???
Anyway... I started all of this, because I have a friend of a friend who i find charming and attractive, intelligent and creative, but not at all athletic. I have toyed with the idea of asking her out on a date, but worry that our relationship would be fataly flawed from the get go. Though I hear opinions on both sides, i'm still leaning toward a preference for someone athletic, preferably a runner.
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many women like myself, i'm sure, would love to run to keep fit. however, due to the way our bodies are, being top-heavy, it's actually one of the most painful and exhausting ways of staying in shape...i guess the female runners you've met don't have this problem????
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It's a huge bonus if you CAN share the same hobbies with your partner/date, but not necessarily a "SHOULD" kind of thing. In your case, since you are on the dating plane, I agree that it would be a good foundation (but not necessarily fool-proof) to enjoy some common interests.
I think a balanced mix of doing things together and pursuing individual interests make for a healthy and interesting relationship (of course on top of the 2-way communication, mutual respect, etc..)
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Asianbelle: I can't say that i ever dated any of my runner friends who were "top heavy" though I once trained for a marathon with a woman who had to wear three bras to keep her parts in check. I felt bad for her, but it didn't slow her down any.
Rouge: i'm happy to share interests other than running/sports, but as I mentioned, I spend a good deal of my free time doing these things. So, if the woman is not athletic, it means we'd spend a lot of our liesure time doing separate activities.
As for meeting women at the gym... I do have a membership at the gym, mostly so I can go to yoga class... but honestly, I have never met anyone at the gym. I guess I'm too much of a wimp to chat up atractive girls at the gym. Sigh.
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personally I hate gums... i was on the treamill for 3 months ( twice a week, 60 minutes per session ) and then i found... I couldnt bear hiking thru McLehose Trail 4-5...
I'd rather run alone late at night for a whole our, feeling the breeze / the cold (?!) and just enjoying myself without ppl staring at me, hehe~
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Nemesis... the woman you refer to, from earlier in the post, is NOT a closet athlete for sure... in fact, she self admittedly hates exercise. I'm good friends with her roomate, and have invited them on easy hikes before, and the woman in question has never attended... when I ask the roomate why, she reminds me that she hates exercise. :(
I do agree though, that communication is probably the single most important ingredident in a successful relationship...
The rest, in my mind, is like a venn diagram, the two circles of your hobbies don't have to be the same, but there should be some area of overlap... me thinks.
Arethusas: I agree with you about the gym... i just can't get excited about running in place. I feel like a hamster on a wheel. Though I have had a gym membership for years, 99% of my actual cardiovascular exercise is running outside. There is something addictive, calming, serene about it. You just can't get that in the gym, couped up with a bunch of other yuppy fitness nuts.
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JC - LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
Yeah, see, my akwardness at the gym is well founded. Not to mention the gym gives me a complex... i am neither fat, nor lazy, nor BADLY beaten with an ugly stick, but at the gym, I feel seriously inadequate. There are always cuter, fitter, more muscular men than me at the gym... i look at an atractive woman and think, why would she want to talk to me?
Inferiority complex attack over... OK, i'm alright now. Schwew.
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Nem... that's the point, i DON'T pick people up at the gym. I never have, and honestly, can't see myself doing so. I rarely go to the gym, and when I'm there, I feel a bit akward, for no particularly good reason. I tend to go in, do a yoga class, and then escape. Silly i know, but so it goes.
And finally, Rouge, the difference between been badly beaten with an ugly stick and nice looking is the difference between tammy faye baker and Jennifer Garner in my book. ;) Your results may vary.
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Oy!
OK, i promise... next time I go to yoga, I will try to smile at people and say hi, and not look too GOOOFY.
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oy! Oy! OY!!!!!!
stop you are killing me.
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ew!!!
I had real problems in Ecuador... couldn't understand why I was so lethargic.
Don't think I would choose to feel that way on purpose.
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So who's going to Franz Ferdinand tonight??
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uhhh, what is Franz Ferdinand?
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A group of musicians playing for one night here in Q.ELizabeth stadium... I think.
The ticket was nearly 1000 bucks for standing!!
Hence me not going either (said the dog)
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Franz Ferdinand is Glaswegian
http://www.hkticketing.com/Ticketek/eng/event/nswcms_event.asp?id=395
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