Posted by
effiruz
19 yrs ago
Has anyone ever experiencing a close friendship with a best friend turns very sour after the other party finds a partner? Please share your experiences with me.
I used to have this very very close best friend. She is my sister, my friend but now ever since she went steady with this guy and get close to another gf, she somehow changed. And im feeling very very sad
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How has your best friend changed ??
Friends always change when they introduce new people into their lives
If your not feeling included be patient, they ususally come back when the honeymoom period cools, this new boyfriend is really exciting for her, be pleased for her :-)
Keep yourself busy with other friends and try to include your close best friend, even if she doesnt always do things with you she will know you want to do things with her which is important
I have been through the same with friends and we always say that its about knowing that no matter how busy we are with new friends, life and relationships its always the good ones that we can ring after 3 months and talk like it was yesterday
I miss all of my friends since I became an expat, when they do contact me I feel left out, but its normal, it makes it worse as I havent made any friends here
Lots of hugs and dont feel sad
xx
Be patient
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Well i am happy that finally she found her happiness. But nowadays, it seems to me that im like a 3rd party in the friendship she had with my other gf, whom i introduce to her 1yr back.
And now my bestfriend seems like having this character judgement towards me saying things that is untrue. it seems to me whatever i do or say will create conflict btw us. Now our friendship becomes from bad to worse. We are always bickering which is not normal. When i try to express to her how i feel, she always took the wrong way. Even by smsing her that i miss her, can cause such a formal reply. i feel that she is a stranger!
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well I had a good friend for 25 years, our friendship turn `light` (cannot say sour) after she got married with an African guy she met for only 8 months. She was too much into him (first real boyfriend) and i thought he just married her for passsport reasons.
She also works in China now and only back at weekends. Her hubby lives in HK and take her house for the whole week!!! I cannot talk to her much, everytime she comes back she just like to talk about her hubby, and say how good
and how hard he try to make money...i am a bit fed up so i do not talk to her much and talk to her only when she calls me.I also want to give her more time for her to stay with her hubby...
just being nice..
Sometime i feel like i loose a good friend cos we been so close for so long, sharing all our history, but now she changed. I did feel a bit depress but i know people need to move on and grow up, she is happy , its fine.
when she was upset and suspect her hubby got an affair, she calls me and complain about. I feel pretty sh*tty cos i lost patience on that...anyway, now we talk less and less...oh well....
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i understand how you feel cuz im feeling the same way too. before she become like this, we are so close that i feel finally i can find a soulmate, sister and a friend in her. And i love her so much that i treasure our friendship. Even after i got married, never once i put her aside. she always been a part of me and im thankful that i got a hubby who fully understand that. In fact, he treasure her as a good friend and a sis.
my hubby and i were discussing abt this the other nite. Why things have to turn out this way, so drastically? She ever mentioned to me that things change and we need to adapt and now she have a different priorities. fine agreed BUT i believe that changes doesnt necesarily needs to takes place. She let changes takes place in us. She can have bf, good career, different set of friends but that doenst mean our friendship have to turn out like this? it doesnt makes sense.
The last conversation i had with her was pretty bad until i tell that maybe we should just end it all. No more contacts cuz the more i see her like this the more sad and depress i become. its difficult to simple ignore the changes in front of us rite? is that wrong?
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My friend has this situation with her cousin, the relationship is very "light" now but if her cousin ever has a problem with her partner or just wants to get back in touch she will be there for her.
Maybe its time to back away from your friend, let her get on with her life but let her know you are still around should she wants to do something......
My friend also has a boyfriend that she really adores despite him being a cheat more than once and treating her very badly, I think the same of her boyfriend as she does her cousins, for some reason she has become very needy from her friends to seek our approval for him, despite wanting to beat him severely for every time he has been nasty to her and made her feel bad, Im the angel to them both, I like him only while he makes her happy! She knows this and we are both comfortable with this truce
Just because you introduced your friend to this other GF doesnt mean she has loyalty to you
Have you tried to tell the other friend how you feel, try to indirectly have a conversation with her, let her know you know her game about the untruths you think she is saying about you without accusing her, maybe if she knows your onto her game she will stop or cool it down a bit
On the other hand if you have known your best friend for a long time she should know what is true if she really knows you
Either way time it may be time to keep a little distance, despite how much it hurts you, its hard to be on the outside of someones life that you care so much about
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Yes fully understands what ur saying. I thought she knew me but i guess im wrong. Im like the bad apple in her eyes now. That is why after thinking it thru, i decided to totally back off. I believe in Karma. it happens before to me. Friends that im very close with start to treat me like sh*t moment they got new friends or bf. years later they come back looking for me, not the other way round. God knows the best. What goes around comes around.
I leave to fate to decide whats best in store for is. maybe years down the road, she will realise what she's missing and finally realize all the sacrifices i did for her.
now my concentration is on my own family and trying for a baby.
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Im sure deep down your friend knows how much you love her, for now concentrate on the BABY making, good luck, dont feel sad, as long as you are comfortable in your mind that you tried your best there's not much else you can do
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sub
19 yrs ago
These things happen, just a little bit like boy/girl relationships, as friends we can also fall "out of step" with each other.
It can be so hard to get it back too.
Back off. let it go.
I bet you anything in 5 to 10 years you will find each other to catch up and wonder how on earth you ever fell out of touch. It may not be that long even, it depends.
I had friends which became 6 monthly contacts and now are still my closest friens.
Recently i got back in touch with a girl I was "bestest" friends with, and it soured a little, similar to you (we were just TOO close and it didn't fit where our lives were going). We haven't seen each other for maybe 10 years. She hasn't changed, just lovely. I really think we will be good friends again now, but in a different way. We both are marvelling at HOW we fell out of touch, but I remember similar feelings to yours, I think we needed to do our own thing at that time, be free. Super close friends can sometimes, without meaning to, try to keep you in a pigeonhole, and sometimes you need to evolve and roam free.
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Hi Sub,
sorry to hear that. Anyway im getting used to the idea that my friend can no longer be the same person she used to be so i just adapt to that changes. Now that im married and trying for a baby, that will be top priority. Sometimes its funny how the person closes to you can hurt you deeply
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oh i got a text from my good friend yesterday, told me how good her hubby came to China to see her in Valentine's Day. I feel happy for her but i feel very sour too...well she done no harm to me, she just too happy...and me ? may be jealous...
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sometimes jealousy gets in the way more than anything else. i admit that im happy for my best friend but im jealous when she's closer to my other gf whom she just get to know. It is not a bad thing cuz to my opinion it means that i care for her and she means something to me.
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rats
19 yrs ago
effiruz- I was in the same boat, esp I have been out of town for quite a while. I am now at the bottom of my friends' priority :(
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rats
19 yrs ago
tutti- probably close to that one as well :)
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Its ok girls.Along the way, we might make new friends, things happened for a reason. Not everything we want will go our way. Sometimes we just have to pass thru an obstacles.
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tia
19 yrs ago
As horrible as it is to think about, perhaps, some people are just meant to stay in our lives forever. People change, situations change and therefore, their needs change. We may have fit their life and their needs at one point, but now, well, it's different.
I went home the other summer thinking I needed to cut a few friends out...but imagine my surprise when the ones i thought about cutting ended up being the best people I spent time with and those that I thought would be good, turned out to be rotten apples. Funny that....
At the moment, I have one friend who is seriously giving me the sh*ts. Really, do I need an email from you, BEGGING me to GUESS who gave her great phone sex for Valentine's Day? Is that not private information? Do I CARE? Do friends have to share EVERYTHING? No...I think not.
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Agree with you Tia. But you what pisses me off. When they have someone in their life and their happy, they forgot abt the ppl etc best friends but when they quarrel with their bfs and things just doesnt seems right for them they seek solace to the ppl that they hurt the most - their best friends. sucks isnt it!
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rats
19 yrs ago
It is hard to swallow. (close to) friendless and having a bf miles away make me feel so pathetic.
sigh......
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tia
19 yrs ago
Rats, ya know, for all the chickies in the LDR thread, we could get together...we're here if you need us.
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I think we have all had close friends that have grown apart. It is sad when it happens but eventually you make new friends and move on. I had a very close girlfriend whom I spoke to everyday. Things changed once she got married and I accepted that. Sometimes relationships just die.
Good luck in your future friendships.
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rats
19 yrs ago
Vulvic- I know, as said, it is just hard to swallow. And when one's getting older, it is getting more difficult to meet new friends...
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That's a good point. However, would recommend the old chestnuts:
1. Join a team
2. Take some classes (saw a thread about Tango classes that sounded good.)
3. Join a womens group or one of the Chamber of Commerce socials.
There a plenty of ways to meet like minded people the trick is to get yourself off your sofa and out into the world. I know at times, this is not the easiest thing to do. Be brave!
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rats
19 yrs ago
vulvic- I am brave ;) lol.
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Ha ha ha! I'm sure you are!
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As the cliche goes, people come to our lives for different reasons, at different seasons (and some stay with us for a lifetime). When we have learned what we (both) need to learn from each other, sometimes, people/friends drift apart. Change is a constant thing and it holds true even for the closest friendships.
Like you guys, I had several very good friends whom I haven't spoken with for ages. There were no fights, no disagreements..I think we outgrew each other little by little, and a mutual fall-out was the natural course. While it is nice to have good memories of what we shared with them, we all have to move on and meet others (which I'm not very good at, admittedly..).
Rats mentioned about the difficulty of finding new friends as we get older. True for me too. I find that as I mature, I am more discerning of the kind of new friendships I get into. I think it's because I've become less tolerant of petty and shallow conversations among acquaintances that most of the time I don't make the effort to increase the friendship-possibility notch a bit...
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i agree. i talked to a colleague of mine today, we knew each other for 6 years,we did not talk much but just occasionally updat each other. She got married, got kid and a happy family, but she still lost sometime. She said she do not have many friends so she like to meet me once in a while and she feel comfortable. Strangely, i feel i am more open to talk to her tonight rather than those firends i meet at the usual dinners. Thou familiar friends sometimes i feel pressure to speak, I am not sure why, life is just getting difficult more when i grow up.
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