All manufactured drugs are really dangerous, and I have a brother who is living evidence of that danger.
Added to the fact that she is initially endangering herself physically, she is also damaging (what should be) what you take care of the most; the brain. (Tell me that everytime I wake up with a hangover!)
While I am not a anti grug lobbyist, and have been known to indulge, I have also definitely seen the ill effects of drugs of all kinds.
If she is denying the ill effects of drugs then perhaps you could try to get her to read literature on it.
How old is she? Maybe this is why she will not listen. Some people of some ages think drugs are cool, but they are not really so cool, and either is too much alcohol.
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I think she has to sort it out for herself.
Some people like to take drugs because it allows them to behave badly, they have fun, and in the morning say to themselves 'it wasn't me, it was the stuff'.
This is escapism, bit like your drinking. Your drinking will not help the problem.
If you think you love the girl, ask her out on a date, if she says no walk away. Move on don't waste your life. If she is getting high and potentially compromised with 20? guys, she may not be a nice girl.
If you do not have a crush on the girl, and you are concerned as friend only, then staying sober and being there for her when she falls over is the best thing. Sometines in life the only way to learn is to get hurt. You are not her dad/husband/brother.
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there's nothing you can do if she ain't going to listen. If I were you I would just let her be.
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Being her bestfriend, are you aware of any underlying motive why she wanted to do drugs in the first place? Does she have problems that she wants to escape or is it just out of curiosity?
When you are both sober, have a talk. Not about her taking drugs, but about what her current state of mind/emotion is. More often than not, being drug dependent has major underlying issues behind the addiction. If you think it is just for fun, give her research materials to read and let her decide how to run her life.
The thing is, if you believe you have done your best for your best friend and she still won't listen, let her fall, allow her to learn her lesson. But be there when she wants to pick up the pieces as she gets up.
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so where did she get it? she should have rehabilitation program...or report to police those friend giving her those tablets...its okey as long she can control her self on drinking subtitute the alcohol some amount of water...she can avoid of pass out...
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She sounds like a typical headstrong 16 year old to me.
It's lovely that you are so concerned but if she has reportedly said she doesn't like you (could have been in the heat of the moment and taken out of context) then I would definitely leave her to her own mistakes.
One thing I would NOT do is tell her parents... it will only lead to loads of worry and mishandling from them (most likely they are of a generation that does not understand these 'new' man-made drugs) and the result would be you would become an outcast with the whole family and her hate for you would grow and spread through her friends like a ripple effect... and who gets hurt?
YOU!!
There are loads of programs on the effects of too much ectasy, which would be better for her to watch than expecting her to read a load of scientific literature, but I wouldn't go overboard just yet.
The less emphasis you play on her taking these drugs, the less attention will be paid to them and so hopefully she'll get tired of the 2-day downers for the price of one nights ecstacy!!
You be the cool one and don't let the drug taking bother you - your fear may be the fuel she is looking for to light the fire...
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I just feel you are making a mountain out of a molehill.
I have to ask you if you are the same age??
Only because, being some-what older and having gone through my teens, I know only too well the desire to have a little 'drama' in your life.
But in the case of drugs, a drama is really not the thing to make when she's already taking e's weekly. If you persist in telling her to stop, you may actually drive her towards the one thing you fear - her taking harder drugs.
I just wonder how she can afford it.
I still wouldn't tell her parents at ANY resort - if it does start to affect her school life, then surely her parents will recognise a change and start to ask questions... I wouldn't lie to them if they asked me, but I certainly wouldn't offer the information.
I'm just looking out for you Kurtz, there is no reason you should become enemy number one, because your friend is too weak to look after herself properly...
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First of all I want to say, tell her not to take any of the red fella's that are getting around, they are great but very strong for the unexperianced. Maybe you should offer to sit at home, with her watch a movie and relax and pop one.
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but don't tell her NOT to take the red ones... that's like a red rag to a bull!!!
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I'm confused...!... there's a 16 year old taking ecstacy at lest once a week and the advice given is "don't make a mountain out of a molehill"... FWIW I think you should either tell the parents now or if you wish to wait, give it a few weeks and if it looks like they haven't noticed of their own accord that their daughter has changed, then tell them... if they're responsible parents they should notice.
What kind of friend are you to her, to compare being cast out by a few 'friends' who may not agree with you helping another friend with allowing her to possibly ruin her life (ecstacy can easily have that affect).
Her parents may come from another generation and may well not understand, but put yourself in their situation and wouldn't you want to know that your own flesh-and-blood was ruining their life...?.. if the parents really are that out of touch, then they can also see the educational literature from the KELY support group, etc and learn from that too...
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lulu
19 yrs ago
Geez, there is some serious issues here.
Kurtz> i am in my late 30's and i could be your mother! What i can say is, tell her parents and let them find some proper ways to deal with her.
I think you are not strong enough to take this responsibility. If their parent are out of touch, seek some professional help before it is too late.
I never tried drugs in my life and i definitely want to know if my daughter is taking any!!!
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I agree with Sailing Home. The advice about letting her be a headstrong 16 year old is utter crap. Yes ,we've all been young but not all of us were popping E's and getting felt up by a group of losers in our teens and it's certainly not something I'd like to experience now!
Granted she may be experimenting and having fun but I have seen a couple of hits of E escalate into a heroin and a stint at rehab - all before the age of 17, or in the case of one friend, an overdose at 18. This is HK and a lot of kids have a ridiculous allowance out here, usually given out of guilt because the parents are hardly around.
Kurtz - I urge you to speak to your friend again, if she won't quit then talk to her her parents before things get really out of hand.
The fact that he folks haven't noticed any changes in her behaviour really worries me.
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No worries JC, lol! Yeah definitely differing opinions on this suject.
My point of view:
I have never done drugs save for a couple of puffs (which hardly counts these days.) The reason being that I saw friends of mine screwed up on drugs before they turned 16. This was enough to put me off. Added to which, my Dad is a cop and VERY aware of drugs, altered behaviour etc. I also head an exceptionally nosey Mum so even if I wanted to , there was no way I was going to get away with taking anything.
That said I did get legless on cheap cider and rum a few times and each time was caught. The folks reasoned the hangover was punishment enough and my Mum would force me to go shopping with her in the busiest markets she could find when all I wanted to do was stay home in bed and die. Again, a great deterrant for getting smashed in my teens.
My parents never put the hard word on me about taking drugs but they did talk to me about the effects and the risks. They trusted my brother and I and we never let them down. I guess we just didn't need to get off our faces to have fun!
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I never did or done drugs in my life, but I had allot of information form parents of the efectes of taking them,
I'm 32 and kids of 12, 8 & 7 last saturday we where invited to their primary school for a seminar about drugs, and the pictures and information that they saw there was hard for them to digest and I think that tey will think twoice before they say yest to any offer.
However I think you as best friend must inform her parents before is too late, if you really like her or feel for her why wait till their is nothing else to do for her.
I'm coming from latin america and I grow up seen kids distroy by drugs, you should do something about it now, good luck and if you need more info please let me know I can give you a very interesting web side to see for yoru self.
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JC - Yes, I had a few friends that did rehab in Phil and it was horrific by all accounts. Hard enough to handle when you're an adult but indescribable when you're 16. That said, these were the 'rich' kids who had cash to splash. The fact that their 'bit of fun' escalated into a serious problem shows that the parents were absentee from their child's life. Very sad.
Yes, the 'market' trick is a winner! I swear she used to take twice as long running her errands just to make me suffer. It worked though. To this day I cannot face a wet market without dry heaving.
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Just for the record - I think it was my post that has been misinterpreted with the 'let her be a headstrong teen...' - it wasn't said as that, I was just stating that that is what she sounded like.
The 'mountain out of a molehill' has also been taken out of context and was directed towards the apparent consuming concern from Kurtz.
Yes - it is VERY sad that someone so young is able to get hold of and try these class 'A's, but as many of you have stated, they have a much larger allowance than many other teenagers from different countries and it seems they also have a lot of unsupervised time on their hands. I had no allowance, and could only go out if I had someone to get me back home, or a place to stay that my parents checked up on!! But I still managed to dabble (once I was at Uni).
I was showing worry towards the parents attitude if they were to be told by Kurtz, but if Kurtz knows the parents well enough to know they are open minded and able to handle this situation without bringing the rebel out in their daughter, then go ahead and tell them.
Again, personally, if my parents were told, they would probably try and lock me up in rehab somewhere and wash their hands of me saying it was a residue from the days of drugs causing brain damage!!
Do you see where my alarm at letting the parents know comes from!!?
Vulvic - I definitely agree with you on one part. If the parents haven't noticed a change then it is indeed very worrying. However, this is a 16 year old speaking and he may not know that they have in fact noticed and are finding the best, most subtle solution to help their daughter. I would like to think I would notice a change in my daughter, having seen people under the influence...
Let's hope they are already in touch with the KELY group.
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Lammasita - The difference is that when you dabbled you were an adult and as such had a bit more nouse about you.
This girl is 16, no doubt pampered and priveleged with the zero street smarts. Moreover, she is a child.
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sub
19 yrs ago
The risk you take as a friend is that she can easily just avoid you if she doesn't like what you have to say to her. It may be more important that you stick around as a friend.
I also dabbled that oh-so-long time ago. The friends not "into it" drifted away, or were not always included in some outings. Some of the group REALLY got into it in a big way. I only ever took it seldomly, but I was lucky.
It is a VERY fine line between taking it "socially", being able to walk away, and having a problem. I saw several intelligent 18 to 20 year olds drift off into more serious use, and waste their youth (and life!).
Another lucky thing for me was that I was already working and was really into my career, after a while i just got sick of the bunch of friends drifting their way through partydom.
So, if you are a friend, stay a friend. If it gets to the point you can't stand watching her take it, well don't go, but at least have other friendship things in common. Keep in touch with her. If her use gets really bad, as a friend you will know and she will hopefully have someone outside the druggy circle to lean on.
If she is going to continue at the moment, she will, and nagging her about it will just make her hide it from you. Tell her you are worried and don't like it, but let her know you are still her friend no matter what and would always be there for her.
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it is difficult at age like that with out income to support the habits,it will end her up doing bad things to get money and buy the tabs...even she stop and can not control herself she is easily get hook again specially when there is no proper rehabilatation.
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Kurtz
for whatever reason you have blown it.
Move on
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Krutz, you better stay away from that. Good luck to her, but she will not learn if she dont make some serious mistakes.
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stay away from your friend if she do not want to listen to you. You once try and help but if she do not like to listen, forget it.
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vibe
19 yrs ago
Wow, there's some terrible advice on here (Justin Credible an exception). Do any of you have kids, or even remember what it was like to be an experimenting all-conquering teenager?
Firstly, ecstasy IS a hard drug. This is a tough situation because at 16 kids are physically and financially able to consent but emotionally aren't ready, so you need to surround them with good influences. Es aren't expensive in HK either and on an expat brat allowance she'll have no problem with regular use, at least financially.
All you can do is make sure she understands the risks, effects, and how to best take it as safely as possible (drink plenty of water, don't mix with alcohol, etc). Stop nagging her not to take drugs, as all this will do is make her hide her drug use from you, which is the LAST thing you want. While this is quite clearly a very stupid choice on her part, it is still her choice to make and your role as a friend is to support her and make sure she is as safe as possible.
My personal experience (and those of friends) with E is that the novelty will wear off soon, as tolerance builds and come downs intensify. Just make sure she stays away from alcohol and is making decisions as clearly minded as she can.
If this progresses and gets out of hand, go and speak to KELY support, and follow what they suggest. Telling her parents would be an absolute last resort, and is probably not your call to make anyway -- ask a professional.
As I had said, be a good influence around her. Get her involved in sport and clean social activities. Plan fun stuff on Saturdays with large groups of friends, that she will miss out on in bed suffering a come-down. As for your "friends with benefits" comment -- I don't even want to entertain this. That you have this sort of an arrangement with a 16 year old is absolutely ludicrous and you are not being the good influence that you need to be. And you are righteous to condemn friends for taking advantage of women. It sickens me. Get your jollies elsewhere.
Go speak to KELY, they will be private, discreet, and extremely helpful.
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