aah shady - descendant of (long gone?) posters ingwe and hoyo! your views ARE the zing, the pickle, the pepper in the asiaxpat Relationships stew. i wonder if this thread will vanish before the wrath of other posters descends upon it.
since you brought it up, may i ask if you have strayed out of the sheer boredom of your mundane life? serious question.
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may i ask if you are still with any of the women from whom you strayed?
did any of them ever catch you?
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i guess you couldn't find a lady's boudoir to fall into tonight?
come on ingwe, answer the questions. ;-) quick, before the thread vanishes!
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i'm not a man with a mundane life, i'm a woman with an occasionally mundane life.
i have no idea if any of the men i have ever been in a relationship with cheated on me - from what you men reveal here, i am sure that statistically it would be impossible that all of them were faithful, so in that case it must mean they were wily enough (or, in a another generation, they would call this "discreet enough") to spare me from that knowledge.
i cheated once, out of opportunity. i felt horrible and never did it again. (can't remember the thread where i wrote about this, it's somewhere in these archives)
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what about the women with whom you strayed? did they know you were spoken for at the time, or was the thrill of playing around yours alone?
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a VERY old joke! were you married before, or are you married now?
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to be perfectly honest, in retrospect it wouldn't matter if i found out today that any of my exes had cheated, because that was never the reason i broke up with anybody, and neither did i ever leave anyone for someone else.
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i was married once before. the fault was all ours (just the two of us).
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technical difficulties over here.
well at least i hope you paid the bauble. or perhaps you were the bauble? no, i think not.
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edit please? whose bauble? my bauble? that guy from long ago that i treated like a bauble? well he did have a very nice bauble, that's for sure - ;-D - oops! hope that's not the thread killer here
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I think he meant he was the bauble and you tossed him away....but just an interpretation
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i know you're right, flabbergasted. i was just pulling his bauble ;-)
...no shady no! you're more than a mere bauble to me! you're a whole chandelier. please come back. you may be a chauvinistic neanderthal but you're a funny chauvinistic neaderthal and i like your zingers. it's so nice to have a mr. cranky-devil's-advocate in these forums for a change
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...but to get back to the original post, it's not just the mundaneness of life that can lead to straying. it's also when there are gaps in your current relationship that another person seems to fill, that the temptation to stray arises. (applies to men and women, btw.)
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well you don't know what nearly happened to me this week. a certain "gap filler" re-emerged from my past, during a particularly vulnerable time for me. good thing i am not easily tempted ;-)
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yes, i admit it felt very good indeed - nice ego boost
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ha ha ha. i can make myself wobble, thank you very much ;-)
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i truly believe that if every person gave themselves one wobble a day, the world would be a better, safer, kinder place
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...which brings us back to the original post, or at least - back to cheating.
whether you are bored with, or feeling some gaps in your relationship, there's a line you can choose to cross - it's up to you. you can "take care of yourself", or you can enjoy the mild frisson of being invited to cheat, without partaking.
or you can cross that line and cheat by involving another person.
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Its all just fun anyway I never take my relationships here to seriously. Chinease woman are just to eager to please and have an american boyfriend, and if she stole me from some other girl what makes her think some other girl cant steal me from her? Besides breakups are fixed with a couple beers and a club of beautiful and willing woman. Havent you heard the clichi "nothing gets you over the last one faster and better then the next one".
Vallient
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has anyone here ever felt non-sexually cheated on?
i have a favorite great-uncle (grandmother's brother) whom i love to death. he has carried on a special friendship with a female colleague for literally DECADES. they are still married to their spouses, and their generation absolutely does not believe in divorce. both of them are now great-grandparents (in their 80s). i assume that due to their extreme age there has been nothing physical/sexual about their relationship for quite some time...so it's all about love.
their little routine is to meet in my great-uncle's office every afternoon for "a meeting" - but the truth is they have tea, watch a little tv, maybe listen to music, and just converse. it's an open secret which they try not to flaunt, or at least put a discreet veneer on, as is the form for their generation.
what hurts my great-aunt is not the sexual aspect - she feels cheated because her husband's heart and emotions belong to this other woman. my great-aunt has the marriage, support, assets, houses, businesses...she has everything on paper. he always comes home at night. but she doesn't have her husband's heart, and that's what hurts her.
as a woman i have to say i'd be much more hurt by this sort of cheating.
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"at that age, hand holding is like sex"... :-D ha ha ha! SO true. and kind of sweet.
for their generation, the smallest gestures, even glances, were so much more meaningful.
===
knowway - that's what i mean - not in reference to the age but as to the kind of cheating: the non-sexual, emotionally driven kind would be more devastating to me.
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rats
19 yrs ago
knoway!-I am glad to know there is a man like you here :) your wife is lucky ;)
shady- don't think cheating is the appropriate way to put back the 'zing' in any marriage. Why did you divorce? Who divorce whom? It seems you haven't learnt wise after two marriages, too bad!
Vallient- your post disgusts me, no wonder there are so many people who dislike the Americans, it's not only because of Bush- but people like you.
Vor- indeed it's the saddest thing. Did your great-aunt loves your great-uncle? Does she also have a secret lover? Too bad divorce was such a taboo. It might have saved lots of graves and bitterness, your great-aunt deserves to be with someone who truly appreciates and loves her.
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Shady, you seem to dislike women, from what you have said so far. It seems that you must have been very hurt in your youth. Is that a fair assumption?
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rats - yes, my great-aunt is (unfortunately for her) still in love with my great-uncle. actually, he offered her her freedom so many times in the past. he said he'd go through with a divorce, give her everything, say it was his fault (which it is) - anything to set both of them free from such a marriage. but she has always refused, partly out of love for him, partly to punish him, by withholding the thing he wants - freedom.
no, she definitely doesn't have a lover of her own.
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rats
19 yrs ago
knoway! :)
vor- ' partyly out of punishment...'- think I would have done the same if I were younger. But as one gets older, he should know the cleverst way is to move on. Cos while punishing him, isn't it a torture of your own as well?
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yes, rats - that's exactly the tragedy. whilst punishing him, she's remaining in a painful state as well.
as i said earlier too - that generation doesn't divorce as easily as we do nowadays. even if my great-uncle offered, she refused, so he accepted her decision, even if it meant continued pain for everyone concerned. <:-(
i guess my great-aunt would rather remain a married woman, albeit an unhappy one, than a free divorcee. you've got to admit, at that age (approaching 80's!), to start over again - must be daunting.
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rats
19 yrs ago
vor- as approaching 80s, maybe it all doesn't matter anymore. Of course i am not asking her to get divorce now. I hope she is 'rich' in other aspects of life other than her sad love life.
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Wow! It is not easy to say at that age, but I am sure she made the decision at a far earlier age, HOWEVER many would have taken everything and left the man. There might be more there than not wanting to be divorced and punishment....
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Shady, I'm not presuming to know anything more than you. In fact, the more I learn, the less I know. Sorry that we all seem to be picking on you. A bit of idealism in all of us wants to see one of our friends in an ideal light.
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Susan put it right-sometimes the more you learn the less you know. I wouldn't flay shady for his experience.Things happen. Life happens. But flaunting it is another story.
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