The curse of looks over substance...

Hey all,


The header kind of gives a clue on it, but I'm really wondering what other guys would do in my situation if they are completely honest. Women's inputs are obviously very welcome too.


At the moment, I hang out with 2 women that I like a lot and am thinking about going to the next level with.


I'm 27 and live & work close to Shanghai. I make a decent living, but I'm not paid the kind of ludicrous ex-pat package a GM at at a Fortune 500 company would make. As far as I can tell, people like me well enough and I look fine, if not spectacular. That's just for background info.


The first girl is fairly typically Shanghainese in the way she acts. She is 29 now, so she's been around long enough to know fake from real. She is a real looker for sure, works out regularly and always dresses nicely. She's quite independent and intelligent too. Now here's the rub; she is incredibly picky, self-absorbed and inconsiderate at times. She gets plenty of attention, especially from men with money, but most give up about halfway as she is such a perfectionist. Whenever we go to dinner, she naturally assumes I pay and if I ever wanted more than just friendship, I'm pretty sure she'd expect me to pay for a lot of other stuff too, just to prove I cared. (The debate about the logic in this has been held to death: I don't bother asking why people think like this anymore, just know that they do)


She's not a gold-digger as she wouldn't even consider me if she was (she has a good idea of what I make) and she actually appreciates that I've been able to put up with her for so long! we met about 6 months ago). She even admits she can act very spoilt sometimes. Her current boss and some previous ones tried to "bribe" her into sleeping with them; her reaction was to tell them to F*** off and then to look for a new job. (Her current boss didn't take it very well and is very unfair to her now, so she'll be leaving very soon) She wants her own career and wants to get an MBA, so she doesn't want to sit around the house or go shopping and spend money. And if she is still a little difficult or cold with me at times, she treats me much better than just about all the other men that cross her path, most of whom are not even given the light of day. Suffice to say, if it would be difficult for me to win her over, it would be hell for anyone else, even if they have tons of cash to spare. She admits she feels for me, but is still not convinced I am going for her 100%. (which effectively was true)


Then there's the other girl, who comes from the Phillipines. She is the same age as me and culturally, we are much closer together. There is not a spoilt bone in her body and she has a kind and warm smile for everybody. I enjoy talking to her a little more and she is definitely more considerate. She is not stunning like the Shanghainese girl, but she is pretty in her own way. She's also a tad chubby, which she really worries about a lot. Really she is just very sweet and the kind of person you'd want to confide in.


Ok.......by now, some people will be saying that it's super-obvious I should be with the 2nd girl out of the two. Except....my ego and superficiality get in the way. I kind of look at it like the pride of driving an Audi as compared to the pride of driving a Ferrari....it just isn't the same.


With the Shanghainese girl, I won't have to break the bank (as some girls would expect), but still she will assume I take good care of her, even tho she will keep working herself of course. I think she will change her attitude a bit and be nicer (as she already has), but it will not neccessarily come naturally to her. And there will always be things we won't understand about each other (even though I'm fluent in Chinese). On the plus side, it's a great feeling to have a girlfriend that looks like a model. When she decides, she really does decide and I'm pretty sure that she'd quite simply scare off any and all competetion.


The Phillipina girl is really a good friend and she just makes you feel warm and fuzzy, but I just seem to be missing sparks. I'm sure we'd have great fun and she'd always be forgiving and supportive. There is, honestly, less competition for her, but even so, I'm pretty sure she'd be loyal.


So......what would you do in my shoes? I know I will sound superficial to some, but....this is just being honest.


Anyway, thanks for the thoughts.

hey squall, only you can make the choice, despite whatever advice you get.


However, I can say I married a girl exactly like your first one...unbeleivably gorgeous and every guy wanted her. After spending stacks of cash on her including removating her breasts, big diamond rings etc, she left me for someone with stacks more money. Its not the money she was after but the lifestyle that he could offer. I make loads of money too, but I am also working hard long hours for it and studying my MBA to meet long term goals. That left her looking for someone to keep her company...and gorgeous girls never have to look far.


Im summary, go with your heart, forget your ego, it will only lead you down the path of grief my friend.

Squall, seems to me you're choosing between bad and worse. The shanghainese woman is high maintenance and doesn't treat you well. the Filipino woman is a great friend, but you're not that attracted to her.


Keep them both as friends and keep searching for the right girlfriends. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Why do yourself and the woman a disservice by settling for a flawed relationship from the beginning?

thisis a GREAT thread - very good question.


i agree with aqquarian & rouge, but knowway gave the best answer...know what i mean?


Squall, stick with girl #1 and learn something.


btw, you can spell neither the country nor the nationality of girl #2

Mybad, I need to learn how to spell. Went through a sex change three times already, so even Canada won't take me anymore.


Why get into a relationship that's doomed from the start? Dunno..... I thought I had mrs.right several times before, possibly because I didn't actually know them all that well, but something always went wrong once the truth started surfacing. Now I've actually taken my sweet time to think about things and get to know them well as opposed to just rushing in.


Maybe I should just keep looking, but these were the only 2 women I really liked after having dated many over the past year....

When I was a supermodel, I used to try to date men with brains, but I found nobody with brains was attracted to me because they assumed I was superficial person with silicon breasts, then I started a new tact and just dated men who wanted to date me......and now I am confused as they are all fat, old and balding, and have perhaps been through three sex changes as has been suggested above. I discovered that I do not want to date them.


What should I do? Write into Ann Landers?


Please help.

Hi Squall!

Pick neither. You're still in the confused state of mind. Give yourself another 2-3 years because this is gonna be the future you choose. Somehow, my instinct tells me that the shanghainese girl is definitely not for you. Look around and hope you find somehow more considerate and thoughtful if you ever wants to get married.

As a lady myself, I get compliments for my above average looks from M/F but at the end of the day, I realized people choose friend with good attitudes which is very important cos I would too.

Just a reminder looks are not everything!!

Good luck!!!!

Why not date both of them and see how they work out as girlfriends and not just friends? If girl number one really does change keep her. If she doesnt or she starts cheating dump her and keep dateing girl number two til something better comes along.


Vallient

Vallient

Is this thread a wind-up??? Haven't laughed so hard in ages.

Eh?? A threesome with Will? Who's Will?


Personally I think you should forget them both. The fact that you need to ask a bunch of strangers whom to date speaks volumes.

Not William Tell now?


Vulvic you have been on holidays haven't you!!!


AX was really quiet and boring for so long and now we have ear rubbers, member posters, and men trying psychology tests on us like "in this scenario would you date hot selfish chinese girl, or poor but loveable Filipina?" (The true answer to that is all women who said "Neither!" were correct...)


However other things are sending me mad today and I get on this site sometimes to help myself realise that I am indeed quite sane.

Flabbergasted - yes I have been on hols but look what I have been missing! I haven't laughed so much in ages.


Indeed, if ever you need to confirm that you aren't the nuttiest of the bunch look no further than AX!

Actually, I know what to do.... just wondering what other people in this situation do / have done.


The thing that bugs me really is that I can only spend weekends in Shanghai these days as I'm about 2 hours from there during the week. This severely cuts down on my opportunities to meet interesting people as there's a lot less people (and virtually no ex-pats or people who have ever been outside of China) here. I guess it's more boredom than anything else.

so what is it to be?


Look for a third option?

If you are bored, just enjoy their company for now, but you don't need to make a life change out of it.


And never, ever underestimate the dark side of a Chinese Woman scorned! Be warned! I am not saying all, but defintely some! And you will have never seen such underhanded evilness.

Are there only 2 women in the whole world? You need to date more.

Why are you pressured to decide now? If at this point you have uncertainties with both girls, continue hanging out. There's no rush to take the relationship with any one to the next level.

This is just too funny.

Do you really think your choices are choices?

Look at what you wrote.

Do you think you would pick one over the other?


It sounds like you are trying to distract yourself from the fact that you are really bored and TV isn't doing the trick.


Hobbies?


Travel?


Don't use people because you are bored.

hey squall, there is no choice here. what makes u so sure that the 1st girl would really stick with you? and what makes u too sure the 2nd girl would also stay with u if she finds out she's your 'not stunning, chubby" other girl? hmmm... try ditching them both and look at yourself.. maybe a lit more maturity is all u need dude. good relationship is not based on looks, it's something deeper than what the eye can see..

Agree with Menthos.


Do yourself and the women a favor-- stay single and unattached until you find someone whom you can love unconditionally.

I think you don't wanna choose any of them,just don't know where to put them.


It is said:when a man wanna do sth,he just needs one reason,but if he doesn't wanna do something,he will have thousands of excuse.

So Squall-whom did you choose? Or did you choose neither?

Hey Squall,


We are so so much to know what you decide on this thing````be nice and tell,pls``


Good luck