Posted by
cym
19 yrs ago
i am finding it so hard to move on from my ex.We were together for 6 months.He just told me his feelings are dead and wants to be friends.I m a nice hearted pretty girl,my self esteem is so low!Are there any groups in hk where one can build on self esteem.I am pretty and nice n intelligent and lost now .So low and depressed.English speaking only please need help.
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hey cym
well its up to u to keep urself low or move on with life its not easy.but belive me evry one goes through this,i think try to be happy and make ithers happy things will start changing for u.there are plenty of things else than thinking of past in evryone's life.So be positive look fr brighter side and may be u will find someone better.
cheers
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cym
19 yrs ago
justin you sure are quite the MAN!Ha ha,I guess yes I am trying to move on.But in hk I find it quite lonely and then the mind starts to think again .Life will follow i guess its own path .thanks for the advise guys!!apprecaite it immensely
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ur right we should form a single group and meetup for drinks and all.anyone intrstd drop me a line and lets c hw things go
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cym
19 yrs ago
how does one drop you a line.I will be interested ??
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cym
19 yrs ago
monsieur JC your very helpful and nice!!Would like to hang with ya...Need positive fun people like you around in the city.
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cym
19 yrs ago
thanks !!im just lonely now thats all.i just have my computer and books for company.work sucks too
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no ur not lonely u gt me and justin so chill
we will plan a party soon.sorry justin i included u without asking,u seem to be nice girl,hope u dont mind.
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cym
19 yrs ago
im game if there is something interesting coming send me a private message thanks guys !you ROCK
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cym
19 yrs ago
well hope you have a good time with the BRAAADAR.Im stepping out of the city for a week.So looking forward to it .By the way sista what nationality are you ?
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cym
19 yrs ago
soul sista`s it is then !!urr the hang ups of being an adult ,cant say 20`s either coz im in me early 30`s ..scary thought!!
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u look to be a mistery girl justin.have a nice time girls.
cheers
keith
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The idea of having a night out with all those broken hearts sounds like fun. Everyone could bitch about the past and talk about the future. It could be the Expat in Asia recovery group. I would be up for it because I need to learn more about living out here. I normally would talk to my sisters and friends but the timedifference and the cost of call sometimes puts a dampner on it. So if any body want to do something lets arrange a time and place
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cym
19 yrs ago
sounds good to me.we can meet on 14th night ,lets find a venue?so happy to do this...have some and margaritas and chill!!email me..lookin fwd to hanging.
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r we doing something on 14
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cym
19 yrs ago
lets go for it !!Im game !MJC are you in as well??it would be nice to chat and start a new friendship.lemme know
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cym
19 yrs ago
hi !MJC I didnt get your email !!Infact when you told me i checked and nothing .Anyway I am game to meet any time except next week I m travelling for work.SO even if u want to hang during the day on sat sounds good to me !!Keep me posted
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Hey can you count me in too. Funny actually only the other day was thinking should form a group for those of us getting over the "ex" not to drown in our misery but to embrace the new -LOL that sounds all New Age. Anyway I am 8mths on and going well living on my own but would enjoy venturing out again.
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HI all, this is a good idea. I'd love to join the party. I'm freshly outta my 1 yr relationship and I'm so eager to get over him. I need to chill out and meet more friends instead of mourning, listening to sadm heart broken songs etc... please inform me with time/venue, thanks!
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I am up for anything - hahaha legal that is....
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cym
19 yrs ago
HI i am up for saturday .Maybe we can meet inthe evening or something as im goin out of town on sunday morning.saturday let me know time and venue..central please !!thanks look fwd then ..
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cym
19 yrs ago
MJC thats so weird that i dont get any emails at all!my inbox is empty!!huh??anyway ,keep me posted ..sounds good to me.we can meet at 6 is or so somewhere in central?
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Monday is good. Saturday day will be out. Saturday night is ok.
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The blonde hair has taken ahold getting all my days mucked up. Friday day out - all other days ok for me.
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wish i could join you but i'm coming back from trip only on monday night. have fun all! cheers!
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kosh
19 yrs ago
what happnt to cym she ws the most xitd one to go out and do smthng
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cym
19 yrs ago
hi !like i said i am not in town from sunday onwards!saturday thats tomorrow would have been great.I would certainly have loved to come.Asi really think personally for me this was much awaited.But if you guys have settles for another day cant do much ya!!aww saturday would be great.
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cym
19 yrs ago
hi nobody replied to my post!!anyway i guess you guys have fun.I screwed up again by txting my ex.I was so good for so long.Dont know what i was thinking last night.of course hes so happy to be friends and write back .but the fact that he thinks of me as a friend made me more upset.sown in the dunpsters again CYM :( Wish we oculd meet at some point tomorrow .but you guys have plans so i totally understand.cleepless and cad sym....
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cym
19 yrs ago
no worries!all yorall have a fun time and think of me !
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We will do it when ur there.
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cym
19 yrs ago
ok dear no woories see you when back im back on the 26th
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Hi Cym,
Life is full of ups and downs. My advise is to "let go" and keep busy. Busy with work, find new friends, new hobbies, etc.
Start with making small changes and then later the bigger ones. With every change you make, make sure you feel good about it and most importantly yourself.
A very wise fellow saggi once told me "why waste your energy on negative things".
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Cablejack - you should start a new thread.
I wonder about that too! I guess it's easy to fall in love but hard to "stay" in love. At the end of the day it comes down to respect. Only after what seems like "an eternity" would love prevail.
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So I guess in your case it's harder to fall in love again. Could it be that you haven't let go of the past? Give yourself a chance. I'm sure you will meet someone fantastic in this "melting pot" of a city.
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cablejack> i know what u mean. i am in the same situation myself. i am totally over my ex and have tried meeting other men. some of them are decent, nice and potential mate. however, somehow i just cant bring myself to develop a long term relationship with anyone. i am beginning to think something is not right.
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Something is not right. Something is out of kilter regarding what we all want, and what we are prepared to settle for. Somehow the modern relationship male/female situation has shifted, leaving no-one happy. There's no going back either. Just as an example, a lot of my friends/colleagues will have nothing to do with western women any more. Some of these guys are broken-down, hopeless cases, but a surprising number aren't. Somehow their needs are not being met in western realtionships. Im sure women have a list of very justifiable whinges as long as their arms, but .... some guys say theyve emotionally and otherwise priced themselves out of the market.
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yeah...i wish i have someone to think of every 2nd of the day...
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It's sad really. Bother genders fumbling in the dark (okay chortle away) trying to find some common ground
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bandiet, i agree with your statement "Somehow the modern relationship male/female situation has shifted, leaving no-one happy." but even before considering cultural factors (east vs west), i think in general the reason for the gap is because our biology hasn't really changed - that takes millenia of evolution - HOWEVER this world in which we live has changed much faster than we have been able to adjust to. the result is new, unmet expectations; constantly shifting sands in traditional gender roles; confusing sameness with equality; and general dissatisfaction all around.
however, we are off-topic. cym, i'm sorry you're feeling so low over the ex, but trust me, it will pass, and some day you'll look back and wonder what the h*ll you ever saw in him. no, i take that back...someday you'll barely remember him. ;-) meantime, STOP texting - in fact, delete him from your directory so you don't get tempted. good luck
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well said. However any change will require both sides/genders to accept there is a problem, and both to admit they have been "doing it wrong". While men have for years been told how they are useless, bastards, insensitive etc and generally will agree, most women have problems facing up to female shortcomings. "If no one wants us there must be something wrong with them" instead of "if no one wants us there must be at least a little bit wrong with us". Cym -- time to cym-ply stop texting, go and find another prey
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as a woman, i can't speak for men. i think a lot of modern-day women probably did not consider that there is a price to pay for what are perceived to be men's advantages. every role or task traditionally performed by men, which women can now perform, means one less thing that men can be valued for, by women. so men bring less to the relationship bargaining table, so to speak.
further complicating matters is the fact that women's generally traditional work (bearing and raising children + household and family management) has never been monetized, and there are millions of men NOT fighting for the right or privilege to do such work! but someone's got to do it, nevertheless. so while a woman's scope of choice and ability may widen, ironically she also risks doing so alone.
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phew, and all I was getting at was that many modern women find hey have to be brash bold and brazen to succeed as men have in the modern world, and and "I can out think, out last, out wit and out f***k you" attitude is frankly a turnoff. Everything, including the sex, beocmes lika an arm-wrestling contest. Hard to feel any tenderness towards someone like that.
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sorry again for getting off topic! cablejack, what do you do to get your mind off the ex?
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We all have to learn to be happily self sufficient and more independant I guess. :)
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bandiet - yes, i agree - if i were a man today i would be really confused, and likely feel emasculated when faced with such attitudes. that "brash bold and brazen f*ck-you" attitude is what i meant by those who confuse equality with sameness, i.e. women who think they have to behave like a man (or rather, how they THINK a man must behave) to get ahead in this world
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hit the nail on the head Harimau -- have to look inside ourselves to find contentment, any extraneous input is a bonus. Gets kinda lonely sometimes, but the alternative is an endless repetion of heartbreak and pain, or else compromise .... hey, thats a good idea
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anyway - my broken-record advice always comes down to: love yourself first, then you can love someone else wholeheartedly. and love will come to you.
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oh well, theres always the pub, and football, and the odd swerve to Wanchai. Beats the hell out of mumbling platitudes over brunch and wandering around fleamarkets (about the worst activity in the world) and putting up with time of the month craziness. Does have a certain shallow emptiness though
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ah bandiet, you are making me nostalgic for my cantankerous, funny, but often-banned friend shady/ingwe
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I c ould never figure out why he was banned so often. Seemed a damn sound chap to me and funnier than a barrel full of monkeys too. Maybe he was just a bit too different
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i loved his posts, very pointed, often hilarious, and always honest. i think he was too chauvinistic for some...but then what about all the other nasties (both genders) who populate these threads. *sigh* anyway i miss him!
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there are some surprisingly nasty people in here, sometimes
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I've always wondered about the "love yourself" phrase. Sounds kinda selfish to me or am I getting it all wrong?
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by loving yourself, i mean having self-esteem.
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we know voicefreason. problem is sometimes too much self-esteem leads to self centred, that is the problem.
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too little self-esteem leads to martyrdom, and victim mentality - that is also a problem.
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and oh cablejack > u will never find same feel with another gal. everyone is different. i have loved 2 men in my life so far and both had diff. feel. thing is i loved them differently too.
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i agree voice. i have no problem with my self esteem ( not too much, not too little). i am happy with my job and my current life style. i have no emotional baggage. so why do i have difficulty developing relationship? or maybe i do and i dont know about it myself? is that possible?
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instyle, you sound balanced and happy - who says you need to be in a relationship all the time? ;-) enjoy your freedom and stop looking for one...that's usually the time a relationship falls out of the sky and into your lap. (either that, or you'll get really rich and prosperous like my girl friend who finally swore off guys, and within a year had more projects and business than she knew what to do with ;-) )
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First think is to work out what you want, then decide how much u will be able compromise. Then decide how much u will further compromise if she had really big boobs
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thanks voice. i am not exactly looking for a relationship at the moment and am enjoying my single life. but sometimes i wish i have someone to share my life. i miss the feeling of missing someone or thinking of someone. you know someone you can wake up in a cozy weekend, make and enjoy breakfast and coffee.
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u talking to me bandiet? if u r, pls read below>
i dont need another pair of boobs, i have my own.
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we all do, instyle, we all do ....
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bandiet - channeling The Banned One, i see ;-) perhaps it's a math problem, i.e. man's ability to compromise directly related to woman's cup size, is that it?
instyle - i know eactly what you mean - that warm toasty feeling of knowing someone out there loves you, and vice versa.
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er I was actually just making a general comment instyle -- its not all about u
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sorry bandiet > i was only teasing u that's all :))
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speaking of boobs ... i think the math is true in the reverse for women, i.e. woman's ability to compromise is inversely related to size of man's man-boobs
eeeeuw! ;-P ...pardon me, now i've gone WAY off topic. good night!
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Voice Ha ha haaaaaaaaaa!!!! I've heard about that! In fact I know someone who left her ex because he started having man-boobs.
I think everyone is different so lets not get into the "boobs tunnel vision here".
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Harimau - right, let's not go there, and sorry for any gross visuals i might have triggered ;-) (ok, one last comment: i told my darling honey that *I'M* the woman, so *I* wear the bra in the relationship, period! now, down on the floor and give me 20! great preventive against man-boobs, those push-ups...)
but back to the topic...i guess the self-esteem came up because cym said that after her break-up she was feeling pretty low in the self-esteem department. it is challenging to find that perfect balance of self-esteem again, somewhere between selfishness and self-abasement, in the aftermath of a break-up.
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I dun know how u look like ... but the visuals ain't pretty!
Think after a break-up u need all the self esteem you can take! But it is important to think think positive and stay thinking positive.
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cym
19 yrs ago
Today after so long i can truly say we have to love ourselves wholeheartedly.Before we can find someone to love us.Its a doggy dog world,we need to take care of ourselves and enjoy the simple things in life.It took me a long time too.The memory fades away,after a while.No contact is the best.In the beginning I waited for that call.I never happens.Someone new some day will show up when u least expect it,as of today its been 4 months.Im happy doing my thing.Just bein chilled!Feel free to get in touch with me if you need me to advise you .XXXOXO
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I'm so happy to hear those words Cym. You're doing well... :) Don't look back and count the months... just look ahead for good things to come. Maybe we gals should just support each other.
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