Posted by
blaze
19 yrs ago
I've taken a year off from dating since my last breakup. I was terribly lonely and unhappy in the first few months... but slowly, I learnt how to be alone, made a few friends, picked up a few hobbies etc. I also thought a lot about about life and relationships and it's been great. I'm a lot more sorted, balanced and have a much stronger idea of what I want in a relationship.
Of course, I've met men who were interested in me in the last year. I took my time getting to know them... and deciding whether I like them. Somehow they were all wrong for different reasons- long distance/frequent travelling, personality differences, inability to click well intellectually/ emotionally, lack of physical attraction (sorry but for being shallow but some degree of this IS necessary) etc. Of all those I kept in touch with, I remained friends with them, though I still have to discourage them once in a while.
The thing is, it just hit me, I have lost the ability to get excited over a guy. I have also lost the desire to get into a relationship. It's not exactly a "problem" now, as in I'm not unhappy about this. But I do wonder- is this normal? Has anyone been through this and bounced back to having an active dating life?
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Sounds like you are doing fine to me! The reason you are not getting excited over blokes is because you haven't met any exciting blokes. Your 'crap' radar sounds like it's doing a good job of filtering out the dross.
Instead of worrying about this, carry on as you have, enjoying your time alone.
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I agree with Vulvic, sounds to me as though your crap radar is working great. I think mine is not doing so good, perhaps I need a software upgrade from Europe to Asia?
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I believe you can get free downloads from
www.dodgethelosers.com
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Hi Blaze - I feel exactly the same. No one seems to excite me enough to plunge into a relationship. No urge to get into a relationship either. Yet my life is packed and I am not complaining. I find that it is fine although there are times when loneliness creeps in. But why settle?
You should just enjoy every minute of your life than worrying about not having a boyfriend. Sometimes it is better to be single and being in a relationship. See here I go again....
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As mentioned above, this is just a phase that you (and the rest of the human race) have to go through. Learn and appreciate all you can about the positive changes happening in your life right now, and believe that tomorrow will be a better day.
And,
you don't have to apologize for including physical attraction in your criteria, because if to you, it DOES matter to SOME degree, no one will or should judge you for it.
I think you're on the right track, Blaze. Good job on finding the right balance in your life, and being able to sort things out.
Stay positive!
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sabng
19 yrs ago
I have the same feeling, maybe sometimes it is better to be alone rather than to be attached in a relationship, especially you are not sure if he is the right person. I am going through the same stage, I really think you are doing the right thing.
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Your year-out must've done wonders as I suspect you now know exactly what you want, be it for a fling or for life.
May be it's just your sub-conscious telling you that you don't need to settle for second best or a not-so-satisfying compromise.
Sounds pretty good to me - just go with the flow & keep feeling good about yourself & your life.
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blaze
19 yrs ago
Actually a number of guys I've met aren't creeps... some of them were in fact very sweet. Just that they weren't right for me. I'm still friends with a couple of them.
I think the year out has been great. I recommend it to anyone who's been going through an endless round of bad relationships. The time-out has given me space to understand myself better, what my issues are and what I need in relationships. It has also taken the edge off some of my fears, and dare I say it, desperation to find a good man. Nowadays I understand why slower is better and is no longer rash and impulsive. And I'm a lot more self-sufficient than I used to be.
Nonetheless I miss the comfort and familiarity of staying in for a VCD/DVD on a Saturday night and a lazy Sunday morning doing crossword puzzles in bed with someone. There isn't a guy I want to be with right now of course. Just that I get such pangs every once in a while. Thankfully they pass away rather quickly in the morning...
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i felt the same way too... until i met my present guy :) hes awesome.. and yep very much least expected
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lulu
19 yrs ago
i am very much feel the same, not interest in meeting men first or now not even interest in meeting people. Like to be by myself most of the time and somehow even feel bored of meeting new friends or start a conversation. I think this is not right, but then i do not want to force myself.
I'd known and met so many nice single women around and they are all younger and more eager to meet people than me, I am glad to see they still have dreams and fantasy about relationship, but i do not have any, I do not know why.
So which is worst? When you still have feeling on relationships, crying screaming and whinning about relationships or not able to hook up someone? Or you felt nothing, even after you met those guys you really loved for the all these years? I think the latter is worst.
Now i think dogs is better than any men, but i even do not have a dog, so never mind. :) take it easy.
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