sex in trouble = marriage in trouble?

Not sure who to turn to for advice, but just like to see some genuine married couples for their opinion. I have been married with two young sons for 8 years. We are on the whole happily married however as my wife is about 6 years older than me I think we are two very different person when it comes to sex. Personally I like to have regular sex about 2-3 times a week depending on work load and mood like all couples. However in reality although we have sex 2 times a week , it is the quality of sex that I am concern, wanting to satisfied my tension and don't want to upset me she literally just (please excuse my language) "open her legs".

What is the point in that (I ask myself)? I get so fed up because ok I get tension released , but I think we all married couples know it is about making love and admiring and enjoying each other physically and to feel that "both are desired" I mean to put it rudely how is it different for me going to a massage palour??(Not that I have ever been).

Ever since we have had children 7 years ago she has been this way only on the odd occasions (probably once a year) that she would say "desire" phyiscally inclined to me.

Is this a normal married like when we have kids?

I tried talking to my wife, she said she will try to improve (and she did by just opening her...) but that is not what I want..


Please advise as it is driving me mad and having negative impact on our marriange...

Cheu01,


FOREPLAY and ROMANCE

When you say "regular sex" does it normally involve foreplay? Do you take time out to get her in the mood? For women, stimulating the mind is the biggest turn-on. How do you initiate sex?


CHILDREN

You didn't mention if you had a helper to look after the cildren. Does your wife work, or is she a stay at home full-time mom? 2 young boys can be a handful and if they sleep late, it can get difficult to set the ambience for some loving down-time.


COMMUNICATION

Outside the bedroom, how do you guys fare? Sex is an expression, a way to communicate. Do you both still experience the connection in the marriage? You mentioned that you have spoken to your wife re this, but did you mention how it made you feel?

I thought mine was bad, we don't make it even weekly, but at least when we do, it is pretty good.


Try going out for dinner and leaving the kids at home, that always helps spark things up (unless we get into an argument - easy to do when overtired as we working parents are). But remember if you get TOO drunk you can't really do anything later except crash out.

dude u definately need to do something abt this, try and find out what stops her from being easy and less hung up.

Sex is definately a free ur mind state and u need it as u need a glass of milk daily.

thanks all for your advice


yes foreplay is what I am interested in, in fact I enjoy foreplay with her, however, she just wants to "get it over and done with". Used to be once every week, she will allow me to touch her below to give her "high", but now its once every two weeks - even then she dosn't like to be touched very much or kissed very much just the vital part to get it on high and then that's it. Sometimes it's like pressing buttons, everytime we have sex, its so predictable and for me I always like to be adventurous, but she just want to get it over inorder to please me and go to bed :-(( Really sad (and we have a full time maid, my wife does part time work -15hours week, my children sleeps at 8pm so after that she is very free - so the only reason I can think of is that she is not intersted in sex at all...shame...

I sometimes can't help but think if other wife or woman are like that - I know I have see "desparate housewife" but that is TV right, I wonder if that is "married life" and that I just have to face the facts of life.. ;-((


The more I think about it, is not just sex, she is a good cleaner , good cook (when we didin't have the maid) and a good mother but she never buys me things on valentines or anniversaries (but she does expect me to buy or else..) she dosn't really talks to me unless I talk to her first, you see everything has to be initiated by me...and if for one incident I don't, then she complains I don't act like the head of the household... I don't know what is wrong ?!!?

Do u want to create a club with this matter...?

She sounds incredibley unhappy to me.

Bamboozle2 - MAny thanks for you practical advice, actually someone else did mension similar advice and although I've heard it before, but sometimes it takes someone to spell it out. So thanks it does give me some ideas what I need to do - you are correct, she cares for the family and myself but just she is constantly tired when it comes to s*x.


Thanks all for the advice I will let you all know if it does improve..