relationship novice tips

Hello,


I have rather a long history of being single a lot of the time. I am quite self contained, and just kind of liked the idea of being with my mates, and getting into various projects, and looking around.


I have had one or two relationships of course, but non really lasted >6 months or were really satisfying. Never really felt a problem with that until recently, but now i am more interested in geting one or two serious relationships under my belt, and just wonder if i am too inexperienced. I am a guy at the ripe age of 32. Was wondering, both from Gents and Ladies, what the ingredients are that have made for lasting and rewarding good times for them. Do you think lack of expereience can be made up for in any other way than just doing? How to overcome doubts.

This is probably the best relationship advice I ever received: get with someone that you share common interests with, cos after the lust is over, that will keep the relationship interesting. My husband and I love the same balance of staying home to going out, love reading the paper together and doing the crossword, love just hanging out. We dont need heaps of external input to have a great time. After six and a half years, we still talk, talk, talk. He is a pilot and I'm and ex hostie so I really enjoy hearing about his day.

C'mon guys! I'm sure there are heaps of your wonderful tips out there that can help this fellow!

Cheers georgie, I agree. Forget the tips even being for me, the good people of asia need to hear what works. These boards are full of avoidable heartache, in my opinion. I dont know, for my part, if i can circumvent a bunch of hastle and wrong-headed assumptions at this point, then thats going to help the cause going forward. I would love to be in a caring and harmonious relationship right now, I just want to know what kind of elements lead to a higher probablity of that actually occuring. FYI - my aunt met her husband in hawaii, they got married 13 days later, and they have been happily married for 37 years. her secret: its work. you have to work at the relationship, keep it growing, not just leaving it even when its good.


From my point of view, if I can learn anything now without learning it the hard way, then thats great by me. Anyway : Why not let this thread be a place where people can share what has worked for them - if it works for you, why not share it, and maybe it can work for other couples, then there might be world peace if enough people read it.


Georgie, your point about common interests was well taken. My feeling is, you've got a great thing going and want other people to have more happiness - thanks. Also Lauren, your reluctantly given points well taken. Very observant of you, you observant person you. I like observant people. Indeed my well chosen phrase "one or TWO" has a dodgy built in assumption, and 'being normal' is a good one.


So everyone: WHAT INGREDIENTS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP MAKE IT WORK???


my list:


Openness without unspoken grivences, communication, ease, each comfortable being themselves, understanding, a common philosphy and values in dis crazy world, shared humour and attitudes. communication, communication, communication.

oh..and must both love The White Stripes

understanding, understanding, understanding.

explore your sexuality ! maybe deep down inside your really not intrested in females.Some ppl feel pressured by social norms,you shouldn't worry 'bout that stuff - do what makes you happy and be yourself !!!

I am in a ldr relationship and my best advice is communication!!! talk about everything that you are feeling and also listen to your partner! my bf and i don't have a great deal in common but we take the time to listen to each other and try to understand each other!! Sex - talk about what you would like to do and give it ago!!

Also reassure just much they mean to you and give compliments when you can !!

Bf and i have been going strong for the past 18months!!

Great. That's much better!


OK...here's another great tip. Heard this somewhere and cant recall the source but this is bl&*dy brilliant....be with/marry someone kind, cos when the going gets tough, and it does from time to time, at least arguments can be dealt with with kindness. Imagine arguing with a vengeful or bit&^y or sulky moody person. Yuk.


Re: the common interest, weekends become more interesting and fullfilling. Say you both love antiques. You travel to an antique fair a couple of hours away, grab some lovely buns on the way in a quaint town, pick up a find and drive home later in the day excited to position the piece at home. Much better than the "what shall we do today". When I was completing my degree in Natural Therapy, it was sooo wonderful to be surrounded by like minded people. Always something to talk about and to be passionate about a shared interest is truly wonderful. Maybe hang around places of interest. Maybe you like art or playing badminton. Or maybe you're a church goer - make sure your lady shares your creed. Saves heaps of hassles and believe me, religion shouldnt matter but it does in certain creeds.


Did you mention shared values? Shared values are important.


More later. Cheers to you too.

By the way, who are the White Stripes? Obviously we're not a happenin' thing! LOL

doingwell: I think it's a good start already by being up front with yourself that you're ready for the "real" thing, and it's not just about physical intimacy. Some men out there really just don't know what they want. Studies have shown that generally men who are in a happily committed relationship live longer and healthier lives compared to single men. I would take Wil Smith's secret advice: He said that a relationship is like a tree, in which the branches, leaves grow and then they die and then new ones grow again. He said that relationships function the same way. He had great, fun times with Jada and then when they had kids, that was gone. But, he said that men need to understand that just because that section or part of the relationship dies, they can't spend the rest of their lives "mourning" that section that had died. Instead, they must birth or give birth to a new section/part of the relationship. And, he said that's the key in keeping a relationship alive and he said if men would know that truth they would be really happy with themselves, with their partners, and with their relationships. And, I didn't know that he passed up a scholarship to MIT to pursue acting, and that he spends one whole week every year with his mom on a vacation retreat to connect and bond with her. The guy know what he wants and know what's good for him. Jada's LUCKY! Good luck....doing well!

Nice thread, thanks all... I think I am falling in love with the idea, ideals... Good luck and spread love world x