Posted by
Pritt
19 yrs ago
Is it a stupid thing to get back with an ex who cheated on you?
Broke up with ex last Nov when I found out he cheated on me. He has recently been in touch and wanting to get back together. I know I liked him a lot and have done so much to get over him since the break up but was never success - I even tried having a shag buddy and ended up liking the guy but somehow it didn't work out...
So now, can one trusts a person that cheated before?
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shaq
19 yrs ago
One can trust no one when it comes to getting hurt etc. This is because, as human beings, we're bound to make mistakes (that may touch on sensitivities of others); hence the adage, 'to err is human and to forgive is ...'.
We can, however, try to accomodate people and forgive. Everyone plays the 'fool' sometimes; there's no exception to the rule .... so one good song says. So, if you think this guys is showing some remorse and regrets what he did, please forgive him. Afterall, nowhere is completely cool. Go ahead, give the poor guy a chance and love again. Buddy-shagging will end you nowhere, but somewhere disastrous. Peace out, my dear!!!!
ShaQ
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I agree with shag too, no one can be trusted when it comes to getting hurt. You never know what will happen tomorrow. Should always give love a try! Good luck!
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lulu
19 yrs ago
hey darling, who call you stupid? your friends or yourself? Why you so bother with that? If you think you still like your ex, just go back! only yourself can make the decision and bear the consequence. You have to know he might cheat again, will you get hurt? will you be ok this time? its all depend on you.
Even the reason that spilted up with him is not because of he cheats, he might still cheats in the future, right?? Therefore, you have to decide yourself, no one will say you are stupid or you smart.
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you want to forgive him, so go ahead. it could have been first and last time he ever cheated - for your sake, i hope so.
just go into your reunion with eyes wide open. if it happens again, at least you won't be surprised.
more importantly, you will have forgiven another person for making a huge mistake, which is just as valuable an ability as being trusting, loving, and generous-hearted. good luck :-)
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Pritt
19 yrs ago
To be honest, I've already forgiven him, but I'm not sure whether I can trust him enough to get back together. I know I like him, but I also know I will get very hurt if he cheats on me again, and him being in Shanghai and me being in HK doesn't make things easier either - there're just too much temptation in Shanghai.
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shaq
19 yrs ago
There you go. You know what you want, so go for it.
No one can give you 'problem-free' relationship, not on this earth. That's why one should always be ready for disappointments and hurts; you're less hurt when you're prepared. You can only take a risk. Achievers and/or successful people always take a risk.
We can all get involve in your decision making on your issue but, as someone said, remember that you'll bear the consequencies of that decision alone.
Let me leave you with this, 'quitters never win and winners never quit'. Are you bold enough to stay in the game of love??? I bet you do! .... :P
ShaQ
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There will be trust issues involved if you decide to take him back. Forgiving him is the easy part, but him regaining your trust back is the challenge.
He is away in Shanghai, where you claim there is a lot of temptation. Do you honestly feel that your relationship will survive the long distance? Easier said than done, but can you forgive AND forget???
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shaq
19 yrs ago
Monsieur JC >> How're you doing?
'Saying no more' demands one action, 'doing no more'. But, can we? Humans are only fallible, hence the need to see beyond mistakes, especially non-life endangering ones.
I'll advise acceptance (if one desires) and working towards trust and good moral developments. ..... Gee!! I'm talking too much :P
ShaQ
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shaq
19 yrs ago
JC >> Hahahaaaa ....... 'ex is an ex for a damn good reason...'. Perhaps, you're right. Cheers!!
ShaQ
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Pritt
19 yrs ago
Heart saying: Since you still like him, might as well give him an other chance, be postive and be brave, and trust him again.
Head saying: Once a cheater forever a cheater, getting back together will only mean getting hurt badly again.
I think I would want to get back with him, but only if I can be sure he won't cheat again... but how can one be sure about this kind of things, especially when one is miles away...
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shaq
19 yrs ago
Can one be sure (about a human being and what the future holds)??????? Definitely NOT. You just have to take a risk (if u care and can) or forget it all ...... period!!
ShaQ
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sorry pritt, there is no easy way. if he wants to get back together with you badly enough, he'll prove it. your decision is whether or not to give him the chance. actually it's a nice position to be in: sit back and watch the boy prove himself. however, if you can walk away today and not regret not giving him the chance, then just do so and move on. as you said earlier, you have already forgiven him.
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Pritt
19 yrs ago
Don't think having shaggy boys would help in my case......
You may call me old fashion, but except for that 1 and only shag buddy (who I ended up having feelings for), I've never slept with any other guys except for those that I had a relationship with.
That's why I was shocked when my ex cheated, just didn't and still don't understand how he could have slept with others and yet have a relationship with me...
I truely have forgiven him, but just don't know how much I can trust him again.......
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Pritt> You have both been changed by this and any new relationship between you is just that - a new relationship. It cannot be the same as it was because you have both changed.
Would you enter a relationship with someone (pretend it's a person you just met) who you knew cheated on his girlfriends? If you would, then consider getting together with your ex - but treat it as new one not a continuation of the old one. If you would not, then pack up your baggage and toss it out of the window and find someone you can trust, you deserve it.
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sabng
19 yrs ago
My ex cheated on me, I took him back because of love, he cheated again. I found out again, and broke up again. Since then I find it very hard to trust anyone anymore. Does anyone not cheat in SH?
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He can cheat you today, and he will cheat you again tomorrow...YOu can never change him, so better to change yourself...
1. if you think you can stand for it, if you two are heppy together, just ignore those cheatings...Just close your eyes some time, life will be easier.
2. If you really can't stand for those cheating, find a replacement....Never think about him again.
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Folks...this goes ditto for the women also! They cheat just like men do.
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Pritt
19 yrs ago
"btw: I think it hurts more when it is done to a man... "
Aijin - why is that? I think it hurts as much whether it's done to a man or to a woman. It's done more often to women doesn't mean it hurt less.
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Forgiveness is good, but always remember: Leopards cannot change their spots...
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Pritt
19 yrs ago
Just to update you guys...
Met up with my ex over the weekend (he flew down to HK) and we are now sorted...
We are not getting back together, a relationship without trust is not a relationship. I still like him, but I don't want to be in agony everynight wondering whether he's sleeping with someone else. I am too selfish to share my man.
Anyway, thanks everyone for the advice :)
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good for you, Pritt! wishing you a great next relationship.
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I do not think you are stupid. You just love him. I met my husband and had a 3 year relationship before I found out that he was married, YES, MARRIED and had a kid. We decided to continue the relationship because he said he loved me. over 3 years have passed. He is married in his country with his wife and here in China with me. I do not care. His wife does not know and will probably never find out. Life is the way it is so you have to take it the way it comes. I sometimes feel that I do not trust him but I love him and he helped me when I got pregnant. It is a shame my kid is not his.
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Things worked out well I think. We keep in touch and if he ever decides to leave his family I am here for him. I am in a relationship now with my kid's father who happens to be married. I guess I can't complain. I am not alone. Everyone respects me. I am happy.
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Hii Pritt , you are not stupid at all ... There are much more stupid women out there who are like MINGG03 .
To MINGGO3 , I an an expat living in singapore and I have always heard facts on how those women in China tries to break familes up. These woman ( like you MINGG03 ) normally goes for men whom they "think " they love . Whether or not these men are married is not an issues. Many a times , these women goes after $$$ and they will try to seduce and con the married men till they left them dry to their ass.
Well, honestly speaking MINGG03, YOU ARE THE MOST STUPIDEST WOMEN ON EARTH I EVER KNEW .
To Pritt , Don't give up yet . Try and make your relationship work . Wish you best of sucess !
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lulu
19 yrs ago
Hey sunny times, it always takes 2 to tango. Not those women are not stupid, they are smarter than those expat guys think with their little head down there.
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Ming isn't stupid and has in fact probably weighed up her options and chosen the best one in her position.
Women will automatically do what is economically best for the child. It's the dilemna that binds all women, work or raise a child?
Perhaps in the grand scheme of things, she's made a wise choice..marriage may not last for eternity, but motherhood does..
What we see as audacity, I think they see as necessity to get what they want or to get where they want. They understand universal laws that men will fall.
Now why am I slogging away at my deadend 9 to 5 job.. because if I start stealing peoples' husbands, I can't use the economics excuse or pretend to not know the language..
I think 'morals' are really getting me nowhere! I wish I had no morals and could better myself and upgrade from husband to husband.. it'll help my bloodlines for generations to come.
If you're in the 60+ 000 a month salary range, please mail me: I'm western, very sexy.
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13th Apostle, I reckon you misunderstand my statement. I had been in the relationship wiht my husband when I found out that he was married. He told me he would not leave his wife because of his child so although I told his wife I would disappear from their lives, we kept in touch. It was after some time that I got married but my boyfriend is married so could not marry me. So I make a call and he came to China to marry me.As I said everyone wins! I have a cute white kid and am very happy. My kids father supports me and I went back to work.Can't complain, can't I?
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The 13th Apostle your statement is so true!! The sad part is that once stupid men mess up they do not realize the consequences of their actions. I lost my husband with someone like MINGG03, years of lies, pain, disappointment and betrayal ended up just as in books but as they say: WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND. It is a matter of time before debts are paid and people that this girl and my ex, get what they deserve. My son should have to be raised alone. People forget that appearances don't last and we all get old but if there is something that nobody wishes is to be left alone by the only ones who actually loved us for what we "pretended to be" bot by our wallet. Cheers for us who learned the hard way and best wishes on Mother's Day!!
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KAT8
18 yrs ago
So Mingg03 what has the wife and the child back home won? What has your child with a father who is married won? What has the family of your kid's father won?
Great that you are happy and you have a cute white kid but I don't think you have won anything.
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nande
18 yrs ago
M03: good luck and I hope all goes well whatever others may say... some people are quick to judge, to put their own experiences to yours but you understand and are comfortable with what has gone before and will no doubt follow.
Please stay true to your desires and what you want and need... x
And you did win alot and more and well done... IMHO
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