Posted by
annebin
18 yrs ago
Maybe you need to chill for a bit about this whole "talking" thing..
Do you expect to be told everything as they happen? Is it really a big deal whether he calls or texts you at 11pm or at 1130am?
By the way, what kind of "serious talk" do you have in mind? You might be scaring him off with all these great expectations..
Give each other more breathing space. Instead of staying 3 nights a week, why not sleep over only during the weekend when he is more relaxed.
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crickey moses
you kid yourself.
Manicar, you told him not to ring so much.. I'd take that as a drop in interest if I were him!
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Right on with staying over only during weekends, but re the MSN thing, you can just casually raise the topic. He had, and still has other friends (maybe online too) before he hooked up with you, so no need to plow through all the details of who he chats with and about what.
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nande
18 yrs ago
You rejected him by showing no interest in the apartment thing and that was him trying to include you in his life and probably on a 24/7 basis.
Then you reject him by telling him not to call you.
No wonder the guy is chatting to others who do not reject him and then wonder why...
This relationship is damaged and beyond repair. You had him and rejected him he will never forget his hurt pride.
Girls men are very subtle and show signals in strange ways be nice to them. Please them dont tease them.
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nande
18 yrs ago
Him asking you to help choose a new apartment was a man of few words discussing the issue.
And yes he does feel regected else why now does he feel he cannot talk to you but is quite happily chatting to others?
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nande
18 yrs ago
Apologies for wrong choice of words maybe view would have been better but whatever it was it was him wanting to include you in his life. You rejected and hurt him which is why he did not mention it the day he viewed it alone and only mentioned it after you bought up the subject.
I however obviously know nothing about men and certainly you know nothing about yours. i only proffer my take on the situation.
Good luck to you him and the girl he is choosing to chat on mSN to rather than you.
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here's my point of view from the little i know about men. I agree with nande that he probably got hurt by you not coming to see the apartment, coz him asking you to join him in looking for the apartment means he wants to spend time with you, or ask for your opinion, which to him is probably a big deal because its his way of expressing "i want you to be part of my life" (in his own way).
and since he probably felt that you're not interested, then he wont tell you about it.
about the calling, i believe some guys take it when you tell them "why dont you just call me once a day" as 1. she's okay if i dont call him all the time so that's good, 2. maybe im bothering her too much.
msn issue, no idea so will not comment
about talking, i think whether a guy is talkative or not, if he is an relationship he's comfortable with, then, this will not be an issue. He will talk whenever he wants about anything under the sun (well of course, unless he's tired, maybe different).
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I think he has gone to his "cave". Mine's in there at the moment and we have been together for years! Have you read Women are from Venus, Men from Mars (something like that) by John Gray. Explains all about the distance thing and the best thing for you to do is to allow him some space. Still scratching my head about why you didnt accompany him to the flat. I suspect he wanted your involvement and not just a tag along friend. Maybe he wanted to ask you to move in while you were there. Perhaps he's hurt. These males can be a bit on the sensitive side you know! Keep us posted and all the best to you!
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agree with wendy, you should read that book, gives a perspective on how different women are from men which in some ways can help a relationship.
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blaze
18 yrs ago
When a guy starts talking less and less, it could be because he's tired or stressed from work. But it could also mean he's retreating emotionally from you. You need to have a heart-to-heart talk with him on what's bothering him.
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nande
18 yrs ago
Slow day and too hot to play...
Day 1: Boy meets girl.
Week 2: Boy likes this girl so much he introduces her to his parents.
Week 5: Girl leaves country. Boy misses her and goes to find her and wishes to be introduced to girls parents.
Week 6: Boy gives girl key to his place...
Everything is rosy and boy tries harder.
Week 12: Boy asks girl to check out a new place. Girl says no thank you I'm not interested.
Week 13: Boy has stopped trying to include Girl in his life, does not talk and hides his personal messages. Girl gives him a funny look.
Week 14: Boy misses girl tries to make ammends. Girl says no need to call me.
Boy still misses girl and wishes to introduce her to his old friend.
Now in my humble opinion if the roles of the above were reversed most men wouldd run a while and most women would secretly be picking out babies names.
But in this case the boy thinks he has found the one, but the girl is either running scared or just not that into him. But I know nothing.
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good summation nande. well done
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nande
18 yrs ago
OK... deep breath... my ADVICE is that b/f who I profess not to have any idea about and could not possibly know but appears to be a nice guy and only started not trying harder when his advances were rejected. But is in his way and imho still attempting to make something out of this relationship even when rejected again. Thus I advise poster to accept that guy likes her, alot but I obviously know nothing and she should not worry only enjoy his attentions and try not to reject him futher and maybe attempt to read between his lines, think too much about his actions and the signals he is putting out and as stated before to think about pleasing him rather than teasing him.
After all there is no need to bait a caught fish.
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nande
18 yrs ago
Actually I said the relationship is doomed and stand by that comment. This guy is going to give up soon especially when it all comes out over drinks with friend. He's trying but bloody hard work, as most of the poster here will agree.
Now where's that Cosmo column I must finish...
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nande
18 yrs ago
And this thread rather unfortunately will be deleted if it gets too personal. Said the confessed neurotic opinionated yet occasionally appreciated slut.
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blaze
18 yrs ago
nande, aren't you reading too much into the situation?
manicair, it's normal to struggle a little when you're trying to adjust to each other in the beginning of a relationship. But it seems to me that your emotional needs are different. You're a girl who needs more attention and expect the boyfriend to talk a lot, call her at least once a day etc. Nothing wrong with that of course. Just that your boyfriend is not by nature communicative. You need to consider then whether you can accept this or how you can adjust your expectations. You also need to stop texting him on things that bother you and talk about them directly instead. Doing the former only creates more misunderstandings. It would also help not to be too sensitive and read too much about him not telling you about the apartment, not returning your message till 11:30am. It creates more stress all round and makes him want to run away more. Good luck and keep us posted on how it goes!
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Hey, lets stick to the subject at hand here and no personal attacks please!
manicair, hangin there, and when in doubr, do nothing....he is in his cave. I will try to find a couple of links for you. You are simply a lady who loves a guy and now he is acting a bit abnormally and you wanna know why. Keep smiling and do something nice for yourself. When my husband is in his cave, he comes out when I simply look after myself and do my own thing. That doesnt mean ignoring him tho. Any attention he construes as needy and this pushes him away. Men can be soo fickle ;)
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life is only as complicated as you make it to be
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blaze
18 yrs ago
manicair, some people are opinionated and always think they're right. When they give "advice", it is sometimes more important for them to establish that they know more than to be constructive/helpful. Best to just ignore them. Chin up girl!
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Oh my god!!! After reading all that!! It's offical... Women are hard work!!!
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Things to do (whether he's hurt, in his cave, or not interested in the relationship anymore)
1. Be sweet or extra sweet to him. Do things that will make him feel better, special and loved but not to the point that you will look needy.
2. Observe how he is reacting
3. If nothing changes, then talk to him and sort it out
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13th apostle, what is the answer? nothing useful in any of the threads above. that really hurts.
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Kids are kids. They love presents irregardless who the giver (Santa or not, doesn't matter) is, so long it is the kind of presents they are craving for.
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Forgot to mention it seems to me your bf is the Santa and you are the kid.
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nande
18 yrs ago
Presents like an adorable girlfriend being there for them and wanting to spend time with them and talk to them on the phone when they want to here her voice...
And what was the question in the thread anyway?
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nande
18 yrs ago
Found one:
"I just want to know is there anything 'I' can work on in this relationship!??"
But you really do not want to know my answer but it is 'Yes, alot'.
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ManicAir - i knew it wouldn't work out, its destiny between us!!! lol
read back to my predictions a few months ago - we were made to be together!!! lol
.....how are you doing by the way? its been a while...
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Well congratulations to you. cheers :)
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nande
18 yrs ago
Good luck to the both of you and no doubt we willing be hearing more soon...
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thank god the whole shenanigan is over.... BTW, the 13th apostle, I am a woman.... I made that comment bacause a lot of stuff this woman said gives me a headache...
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nande
18 yrs ago
It aint over til it's over and that will be soon...
and I totally agree with what you said... and wanted the time to say bf trying, gf indeed trying...
and I am sure 13th knows and does agree to for what I know which is nothing valid.
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ManicAir - thats two strikes now.
Next time, you're out.
I am just a man. My heart can only break so many times..!!! lol
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Manicair is a band???? Funny, I thought it was a brand of nail and beauty products sold in Watsons. You learn sommat new every day!
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This is such quite an amusing thread at the end of the day... :) We learn loads from each other.
Manicair - very brave of you to put up this posting when you know you are going to get a lot of good and "sh*t" advise out there. :)
I can't help but think... if this happened now, it may happen again. So keep communicating and give each other breathing space. Don't forget you have a life before you had a serious relationship with him and he had one as well. If something bugs you "ask" but ask in a "non blaming way". This is in fact harder than it sounds.
3.5mths is a short time and you have a long way to go. So take it at a pace which is comfortable for both of you and think positive if you really want this to work.
I think you did great to just communicate and not second guess what he is doing... but communications isn't about conversations, it's also actions body language etc.
I always think that the toughest times in a relationship comes when there is a big change in either of the persons life. For example, moving to a new place, new job, getting married, baby, death in a family and so on.
There's more to come.
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hi manicair
long time no speak. Glad to hear that you found yourself a nice man.
Be careful sweet though....sounds a bit like the more you step back the more he'll want you. Perhaps you've been too nice so far and he's just a tad too secure of your feelings towards him! Worth considering ?
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lulu
18 yrs ago
may be manicair tired of all the negative comments like the posters, then she want to end this thread !
I would do that.:)))
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