Posted by
KAT8
18 yrs ago
Been there, done that, not seen the movie though.
Honestly, there is no future with him and his wife. He is in love with this man but loves his wife. That's what my husband told me and guess what? We are going through a divorce. And believe me even if he does stay with her and have kids he could still leave her for a man. If you want to you can pm me.
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qtpie
18 yrs ago
hmmmm - a very bad position to be in - I don't envy you at all.
All I can say is that I was once the bearer of that kind of bad news and ...put it this way... I was shot as the messenger
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e.r.g, what a horrible position to be in! unfortunately, you can do nothing except have one last talk with your friend's husband and implore him to come clean with his wife. then avoid both of them like the plague. unfortunately your friend's husband has made it impossible for you to pretend as if nothing is wrong.
your relationship with your friend will only come to grief if you are the bearer of bad, unsolicited news. what is certain is that no one will thank you for trying to "fix" a situation this huge.
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KAT8
18 yrs ago
Thanks elvish, yes the shock of it has worn off as it was totally out of the blue. He really didn't realise he was gay until he met his partner. I guess I cannot stop someone living their life as they were born to live (and somehow got waylaid). Yes he has to tell her, he may be confused as well or he could be bisexual. However whatever his inclination he is still cheating on his wife.
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I caught my very close friend's husband (who is also a good friend), cheating with another woman-- he admitted to it, pleaded that I not tell her because he knew he would never see his children again. Told him that if he doesn't come clean I will tell.
But, I knew my girl friend had suicidal tendencies, so I never said a word. I guess there's really no easy way to say it.. T'was maybe after 6 months when she found out.. Their marriage is now annulled, and years later still I haven't told her. Maybe I will. But then again, maybe I still won't.
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qtpie
18 yrs ago
agreeing with voice - the best thing to do is to try to convince him to come clean
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qtpie, by "come clean" I think you mean the husband should take a shower before he gets back home!
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lulu
18 yrs ago
well i think i will not tell her. Just forget it. Better let her find out herself. This is not wise to interfer with other couple's business. It would look so stupid sometime...
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I would pressure her husband to reveal the truth before your girlfriend got herself pregnant - sounds like a "Friends" story comes true.
Look, your girlfriend is fighting against something she physically does not have. If it is a woman she is dealing with, may be a baby or some remedial actions can help with the relation. I agree it might not be appropriate for you to tell your girlfriend, but please pressure her husband to tell the true before an innocent third party is involved.
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qtpie
18 yrs ago
Lol - FS - I said "come clean" not "get clean" :-)
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elvish girl, sorry to hear about your dillemma. From my point of view, I guess (and agree) you already know what you have to do. Go and convince your husbands friend to tell your good friend the truth, else you will tell her. I don't think its meddling in "couples business" (maybe??) but in the end, she is a good friend. Just be there for her coz I'm sure your support will help her get through it. good luck.
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e.r.g. sounds like you're absolutely doing the right thing... keep pushing him to tell her (however he chooses to do it), and give him an ultimatum, that you will tell if he doesn't.. otherwise this could go on too long and more and more people will get hurt (maybe even their child, should they have one!).
your thinking is sound too, have a consellor involved and also be able to step in to help the wife.. but does she need to know that you are the main reason he is coming out now...?... she may not be turning to you very quickly if she knows that you've not told her immediately upon finding out... only you can be the judge of that, as to what kind of perosn she is.
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Hope this guy is taking precautions with his secret gay lover, otherwise your good friend is facing some nice big health risks from her double dipping husband. For that reason alone I would tell her asap if the lying cheating scumbag doesn't have the balls to fess up.
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you're a good friend, e.r.g. your friend is going through the worst possible time of her life, so her head won't be on straight for a while. just let her get all those sad, toxic thoughts out, especially about having a baby with her soon-to-be-ex. that is waaaaay down the road.
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