Why lie about lunch?

Can any one shed light on why it is necessary to lie about who you went to lunch with?


Hubby claims he went out to lunch with a male colleague, and a female client. Trouble is the receipt for the meal shows 2 meals only! Not clever!!! I asked how much dinner was and just had a look at the receipt. So tip for you men out there who are lying too, don't let suspicious g/f & wives see ANY receipts ;)


My question is, why even bother lying about who you go to lunch with? I understand the point that he thought I would get jealous if he just went out with the female client (yes she is a young thing, don't know about the pretty bit though :)) but I never have stopped him going out or been like a mad possesive woman.


My thoughts are, if you lie, there must be something to hide right? Call me disbelieving or weird now, but if he'd have just said 'I'm going out to lunch in a posh nosh place with a female client, but I'm going to pay because it makes me feel like a gentleman' then I wouldn't have a right to be angry. BTW clients would usually pay for lunch because that's how things are.


So......any comments? Maybe this is what you call yellow fever???

hotwheels, you know what you have to do: ask him directly about that lunch. you are jumping to conclusions - although your conclusions are reasonable, and i believe a woman's intuition is right 99% of the time.


try not to start with "why did you lie about lunch?" - start with "how was that lunch with [colleague] and the female client?" let us know how it goes...!

p.s. clients do not pay, not for lunch, dinner, golf, what have you. i never pay - i know my banker/lawyer is going to get it back eventually through fees anyway.

Yes confirm the lie was a lie so that he cannot change his tune with excuses after you reveal the bill was for two

amen, 13th apostle! ;-)

Sorry folks, let me clarify, I think it was too late to be logged on last night! Maybe I am going looney and can't think straight...


When I saw the receipt, I immediately confronted and questioned the obvious 2 lunches, and because I backed him right into a 'no where else to turn and hide' corner, he was so shocked that he had to admit on the spot that alas, he did lunch with 'she' and admitted to lying about the male colleague being present, when asked "why" he said he didn't want me to think "stupid things, exactly what you are questioning and thinking about now!!!".


If I was a typically touchy,woman who goes through everything, and phones 10 times a day, I can understand his reasoning, but I am honestly not like that, I don't really call him at work and never get up tight with him going out doing his own thing. Maybe it is Hong Kong and 'yellow fever' is highly contagious!


Who paid is not really the issue, it was expensive I think at $550 per head, it is the lying that my issue, and that hurts not the money.

Although have to admit he has never suggested going to lunch together in a posh place on a working day. Lunch with me is more like local noodle bar. Sounds like sour grapes now, 'She got to go and not me....' But that is not my focal point, it is the LYING to me like I am some silly wife, who has no brain cells.


Anyway will catch up tonight, and have a good day!

$550 per head?? That is quite a lunch.. was booze involved?

Don't jump to conclusions even though it looks bad hotwheels. To be honest I have told a porky pie in the same situation and it's because my other half gets a bit paranoid about me dining or drinking a deux with other chaps. It's always perfectly innocent but he assumes they all want to go to bed with me. So on occasion I have invented an extra female companion and all fragile egos are preserved.


It would bother me if he checked my receipts though.. that's bordering on invasion of privacy. Besides, if he is really cheating he would probably be a bit more careful than that.


ps are you fairly new to HK? "yellow fever" can be pretty offensive to some, so be careful using that term, and anyway I don't think it applies in this scenario.

Well, you should feel lucky that you find the bill of lunch and not a bill from the hotel!!


Well may be he do not want you to think too much so he lied, means he still cares. Think you need to understand your hubby a bit much. By challenging the bills doesnt help, just make me want to be more careful next time.


I will really offensive if my hubby check my bills.


Pay for a client's lunch is normal. I always went with lunch with suppliers, sometime may be even alone, order loads of stuff and he pays! :)))

Firstly, apologies about the 'Y. Fever' term used, yes it is not fair and offensive. Right you are Chiriqui- am fairly new here. Just heard the slang and thoughtlessly repeated it. Sorry.


Observatory - I am truly not jealous type just don't like having wool pulled over my eyes. Would you? If he wants to cheat then do it, just don't expect me to pick up the mess and be there after. Shouldn't be greedy now should he!?


'Checking the receipt' does sound bad, but I am not the usual stereo typed 'go through all his stuff'woman. In fact, it was done right in front of him, (was getting some small notes out) and it just happened to be in front of my eyes........Yes Elvish Raven Girl, I think there is a God! It is not a regular haunt of mine to check his receipts, maybe I should now after this episode, Just joking, I will not bring myself to that level.


CrickeyMoses!- I actually think you are right about the fact that he regularly lies to me, but don't think it is because he is scared of me, more accuratley because he knows he shouldn't being doing whatever it is and can't face his own conscious. He is definitley not scared of me- WISH he was though :) because he showed no remorse and din't even apologise, he was too busy trying to dig himself out of the hole, though in the end he realised he couldn't.


FACT - Men are not scared of women, if they do not care how you feel about things after a confrontation like mine. A scared bloke would be begging forgiveness and scared that the relationship would be damaged, not saying quite agressively "well what do you want me to do about it now, so you know the truth!" True, that I am no push over but I don't use the F**K word when my kid is sitting next to me, unlike him. No one wants a 'scared' husband, everyone wants an honest one though, I bet?!


Elvish Raven Girl - tahnks for the advice, I am not an Ostrich type, so no worries, would rather be divorced than kept in the dark. I know the lunch date was initiated by her, though he chose the place, (no wine just one c*cktail, don't know whose!) He knew she was a bit of a 'flirt' and was warned by friends she is a user/player and knows her 'way around' to get business done. Maybe it was supposed to be the start of something exciting for him, or he was just interested in 'business' (the latter I foind hard to belive because she is no top nod, but just quite junior in the field)


Intuitively, I know he has not (YET) had an affair, but I feel emotionally conned. I don't go hanging out with men, and when someone does flirt or show an interest, I am quick to say that I am married with children. Why can't he be the same then? But oh yes I forgot "It's jsut business!"


I know he feels flattered probably, with female attention, and that is female fever in Asia, but no excuse to lie still.


KeiMoChi- I like that! Though I think you meant it as a sarky comment, but that's precisely the whole point though of what I mean. If 2 people are not honest, and don't trust (I certainly have no trust in my hubby now) then what does the future hold? "Asking where I've been" part not me though, as I don't really ask, because if you're gonna mess around, you gonna, but just have the balls to admit it. You can't have the wholecake and eat it!


Lulu- who paid is not important, just can't cope with the lying, but in a way, finding a hotel bill would be easier to handle- divorce mate! then find myself a toy boy!


Never posted a thread before, but it is all quite addictive now! Thanks all.

Hotwheels - you sound like you have your head screwed on and not the naive little wife. I would heed Elvish's advice, get hubby to take an interest in you and lavish a bit of money and attention on you. I really do belive in couples going out on 'dates', sounds a bit daft but if you both make plans to spend time together raher than let the daily routine take over, you can often rekindle things.


Jester's advice though harsh does have some truth to it. I disagree that 'all' men cheat but the percentage is high out here. There is no need to keep a beady eye on your hubby but do be aware to any changes in his behaviour.


Good luck.

I'll second that Nemesis. Same goes for men who think they are God's Gift just because they cheat on their wife and get away with it.. yep very cool, zzzzzzzz.


hotwheels - good on you, you sound like a sensible girl, but if that man didn't even apologise for his lousy behaviour then he needs to learn some manners. Slap him into shape.

Hi all,


Jester- Have now realised you are Mr.Cynical too (sorry , bit slow on these kind of sites!), I read your thread before then, and yes you are SAD to have been cheating on yr wife, but I am glad you still have a happy marriage and still live in HK, I seriously mean that. But how does yr wife cope, or is she one of the 'blind eyed' ladies??? I don't mean to be sarky, just am interested to see how it all works out with hubbies who DO seem to have the cake and eat it?! Starting to wish I was a man in HK now, must be so much more fun ;)

That is if you can get over your own conscience, or maybe the s*x is just too hot to have a guilty conscience!

Yes I suppose I am quite new to HK, been here for about 6 months now, I like it here but FF is a worry, together with pollution, food scares, etc, just part and part of the parcel I guess! Like all things in life as long as you know what you want it will be all right I believe. I personally don't think moving away will 'cure' any deep down desires for hubbies to cheat on their wives, after all where there's a will (or wil*y- excuse the pun but can't resist it!) there's a way :)


The 13th A- Ta mate, thanks for summarising my note, you understand my thoughts now. What is napalm though?


Vulvic and Elf - nice advice, but can't do it alone can I? If his heart's not in with you, there's no point. Maybe when things cool down, but I need to build the trust back into our marriage first.


I had a long (I was calm) chat with him whereby he was jsut VERY QUIET and low key this time, but Chiriqui- he still hasn't actually said the "SORRY I won't do it again, you mean the world to me blah blah blah" (you know like they do when you are dating am they are so worried of getting dumped ;)) But won't bother 'slapping him... bcos you know, it is not worth it! Have just told him what I want out of our marrige and if he has other things in mind, then just let me know and cut the cr*p! He just said "you always escalate things" so I just had another heart to heart which he was feeling quite guilty after I had finished, but still no sorry though?! Just going take it as it comes, anyway, going to go home soon (jsut with kids for summer)so good time to have a break from each other, and he can 'let the snake out of its cage all he likes for the 6 weeks I am gone and pretend to be single, but I just say this, don't expect me to me your Mrs. when I get back!


Incidently, went out with some girlfriends last night, and low and behold, yet another one bites the dust! Love letters, secret email accounts, flowers (from the woman to her hubby!!!) 'business' trips...... the poor thing, and I thought I was having problems. So girls, just keep an eye on your girlfriends and make sure you are there for them because we are not all strong when it actually comes to the crunch.


Must start a new thread on Hmmmm 'Why do men like to eat the whole cake all the time and think they can get away with it!' or "100 reasons Why men stray in Asia" What do you boys think ! Nah, too boring for you guys, you boys out there all know the answers, just the women can't figure it out!


Hope everyone had a good weekend, with your wives and hubbies (&kids) that is ;)

Jeez Hotwheel, if I was him i'de lie too, look at the song and dance you are making about this. Poor bugger. he has no choice but to lie if he wants a moments peace

It sounds to me as if she has more than a little suspicion about her husband. It may sound trite but a woman's instinct about these things is not often wrong.


Would you still be so harsh on her if it turned out that hubby was doing the dirty on her. Or would be a slap on the back for the boys?

I'm with Bandiet too, Hotwheels. From what I can read we're talking about 1 receipt for 1 lunch - and you're already talking about divorce. Sounds like you have significantly more serious underlying problems and you're looking for a way out of the marriage...?

Hi all,


Maybe I am just too black and white in the marriage dept, but at the end of the day, it doesn't have 'to lie and conceal' in the wedding vowels does it!


Men will always stick together, human nature.


ERG- Thanks for the support.


Martin7- You are right about the fact that there are other factors involved too, but I am certainly not looking for a way out of marriage - don't know any women who want to break up their family deliberatley when they have young kids. For some things in life, 1 X evidence is quite more than enough to do damage. I am asking fo divorce over one receipt, but am simply spelling out what I can not put up with- I don't see what's wrong with that. Or maybe like ERG says, maybe we are all supposed to play dumb and blind!


I do not feel bitter, or betrayed anymore just glad that I am not ignorant about things.


Hope all you men who cheat will think twice about your wife and kids at home (esp if the wife is 'fragile') and hope all you women out there are wise and strong, and should you ever post on the site - be clever enough to ignore the unfair comments that make you sound crazy, and just take notice of the sensible, understanding replies!

i agree with you, OV, especially if it is a couple's regular, agreed-upon m.o. when it comes to managing expenses.