Posted by
Imma Star
18 yrs ago
Just wondering what people's thoughts are on this. Do couples having sex on their first date ever wind up in an enduring and meaningful relationship?
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Building a long term relationship has nothing to do with having sex on the first date...
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Well yes of course, at that stage love is not even in the picture. It is a lustful act, sure, but that can stem to love, no? I'm just wondering if there are any couples in long-term relationships that started off this way.
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sex on the first date is not an indicator of a lifespan of a relatioship. If you click mentally and emotionally and continue to have great chemistry it would last.
Otherwise, if all fails-it's just another failed date.
Couples that do it on the 1st date-all you can surmise is that they are VERY attracted to one another.
But is 1 date enough to get to know, and love someone enough for both to decide if it's going to be for the long haul? Not likel-So whether or not you have sex with someone on the 1st date, you'd still have to answer that question.
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That's what I figured, rititt! Can either party ever get over the fact that since they're both promiscuous and hence unable to trust their partner 100% when he/she's on a business trip, etc.?
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SAd to see that after all , we have not made much of progress .. most of people still have double standards when it comes to men and women doing the same deed... so, here's the question, after how many dates, will a woman sleeps with a man and not be considered as a slut??
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I think one'd be more entitled to the 'slut' title if she were to initiate sex. But say the guy asks you up to his apartment on the first date, seduces her, and obviously wants sex, then it's not so slutty. Sometimes girls just give in cuz they're not strong enough to say no, and not because they're inherently promiscuous. So it's unfair to judge like that.
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right on, Imma Star!
"Do couples having sex on their first date ever wind up in an enduring and meaningful relationship?" sometimes, yes. i have two friends who are proud of the fact that they slept together on their first date. they've been married 19 years, with a daughter in college.
sometimes you get lucky - one day you meet someone and the chemistry is so electric that you don't even shake hands when you meet, you just instinctively embrace each other. you're so comfortable that every person you two meet that night assumes you two are married, or at least a long-term item.
you sleep together on your second date, which is the night after you first meet, and before you know it, you've fallen in love with this person who asked to be taken seriously, despite your having had your wicked way with him within 48 hours of meeting!
and then you find yourself enduring an LDR with the boy, because against all odds he has managed to convince you, above and beyond that first tryst, that you two really truly have a future together.
so the answer is yes, sometimes. the story is not over yet of course - who knows how it will all turn out? i'll keep you posted. but we've somehow managed to keep this "enduring and meaningful" relationship alive for more than a year. ;-)
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no problem keimochi, i'm in manila, he's in the u.k. (it's all in boring detail over in the Women Only LDR threads)
if we hadn't slept together the second night, it would have been the third night. doesn't matter when it would have occured, it was inevitable - i had already decided i was going to have him. ;-)
meanwhile, i slept with my ex-husband after 8 dates. operative word: "EX-husband".... balzac is right!
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thanks keimochi :-)
rititt, you know what i mean! ;-) my ex and i went on 8 dates before we slept together. got engaged and married very quickly after that, had our son right away (born on 9-month anniversary, in case you think it was a shotgun wedding!) ...and sadly we divorced just a few years later.
so back to the thread, as balzac said "sex on the first date is not an indicator of a lifespan of a relationship"
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yes i know, hence the wink. but clarifying nonetheless, in case others don't get it ;-)
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wow Crickey, u seem a bit narrow-minded to me. say your date slept with u on the first date, which u initiated, u'll judge her on that one thing she did, and decide not to marry her, period?? What about her other attributes? On the flip side, if she made u dinner and baked u cookies on your first date, would you consider marrying her?
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qtpie
18 yrs ago
Crikey - well, I loved your piss-take.
The question of when you should sleep with a guy has arisen numerous times with friends and, having been forced to contemplate it on far too many occassions, I have concluded that:
- whether the girl is percieved as being easy /a slut/ not qualifying in the marriage stakes has nothing to with her having sex on the first date and everything to with the type of girl she is and the type of guy she's sleeping with.
If she is confident and classy then she's going to come accross that way sex or no sex and the reverse is also true. If the man views sex as something which should not be enjoyed equally by both women and men a like - i.e. he is sexist. If he has unhealthy attitudes about sex then the problem is his.
- to me kissing someone and not sleeping with them - is a little like ordering a starter but skipping the second course and dessert - I don't bothering going to a restaurant and ordering from the menu unless I'm hungry...
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It depends on whether the couple did it shortly after they meet or at the end of a LONG first date. The former is pure physical lust. The latter might imply strong attraction for each other. Lust and attraction can be two different things.
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I once dated a guy for a while... I waited 3 months before I slept with him.. Big mistake!! The sex was really bad!!! I wish i had slept with him earlier to find out abotu that !!
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blaze
18 yrs ago
Don't most people spend the first few dates filtering off potential partners? Surely there's a process in which you get to know a person before you decide whether this is going to get serious.
If it's all just about sex and you don't care whether you'd see the guy again, then go and have sex.
But if you think you're going to be damaged emotionally if you have sex and the guy disappears after 3 dates, then don't.
Simple as that.
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A girl meets a man in the bar, the man say to the girl " hey, cutie, do you want to play magic?" " huh, what magic?" " you come back to my place, we drink , we fxxk and then you disappear!!'
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Blaze, I agree, people do spend the first few dates filtering off potential partners. I was certainly one of em, and never had I thought I'd be one to sleep with a guy on our first date! But we did do dinner first, then drinks, but not to the point where we got wasted. Think we were pretty sober actually by the time we did the deed. Was incredible though, and can't say if it was merely a lustful act because I did get to know him earlier that evening and on the first night we met. Just wonder whether he'll ever take me seriously. I'm not usually promiscuous like this, but rather hard to convince him otherwise right?
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qtpie
18 yrs ago
knowfrick - I think that you should add at least one more to your list:
'do you believe that pleasuring your partner in bed is more important than pleasuring yourself'
I would insert this question immediately after the greetings - why waste unecessary time and effort asking further questions if they answer in the negative to this
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blaze
18 yrs ago
Imma_Star, now that you've done it, you'll just have to take the risk that he wouldn't take you seriously. Such situations are delicate and depend on all sorts of factors... how the date went, what kind of man your date is, how you carried yourself etc. It's impossible for us to speculate.
Good luck but don't do it again next time. If nothing else, it'd save you the same agony you're going through now.
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Hahaha...you guys are hilarious. OK, I admit that I really didn't know him that well, but I did feel that I knew him enough so that I was comfortable sleeping with him. I know I shouldn't have tho..
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Imma Star - Good luck to you!
Although it's not really encouraging to sleep on the 1st or 2nd date, simply to stretch time to get to know the man better (hopefully, because even married couples have troubles in understanding each other, let alone the newly-mets).
What I can tell to comfort you, is that I have been in a similar case like you, and my ex and I had a beautiful rocking relationship for 2 years.
The day after the rocking night we were meeting for drinks, and I remember very well that I had taken a risk for leading this to "bedroom only" with a future of repeating sessions so was quite cool and prepared for what to say without any assumption for a different direction. So I put out my best positive, confident, smiley attitude and thanked him for the wonderful evening, until he filled in that he won't look down on me on this fast act, but to respect me for the courage I put out there and made him even more proud when being with me.
Can you imagine how stunned I was?!
Reasons behind this were our mutual understanding, our openminded heads, our comprehension of life and earth-quaking chemistry.....ok the additional truth....we were both freaking hungry for each other!!! :)
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Never sleep with a guy on the 1st date, who would cherish the thing that he can get easily? men only appreciate that things that he put times and a lot of efforts in.
but of couse if you don't mind to get dump soon, good luck and have fun.
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i had a 3some with my bf on 1st date, not that he asked, she was my friend i invited her and things got hot and it happend , since then we nearly 3 yrs together..but with the girl we had 1st time, never again, just with other girls
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