Posted by
kalyanbb
18 yrs ago
Fatal attraction...just remember...you loose ur integrity..its not worth it..
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hi nuovavita, i have a question for you: if your bf were in your situation (a female friend of his was coming to visit him, they like each other a lot but never went past friendship before), what do you think your bf would do?
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take it easy, whateva :-) i totally respect your high standards of fidelity and behavior in relationships - you are always consistent in your views and that's an admirable and rare quality - but let's see where this thread goes.
i give brownie points to nuovavita for being honest (i think!) and for putting herself out there when it comes to ethical dilemmas and interesting questions, i.e. she had one some time ago about money and relationships, who pays for what - the thread was really enlightening.
this could be a good one too. remember: she hasn't cheated yet, but she's admitting that she MIGHT because of her thoughts.
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blaze
18 yrs ago
So what is nuovavita asking us? Whether she should sleep with him? She already said "I know it's bad but... it seems I will do it". If she's made up her mind, why ask any further?
You're a grown up nuovavita. You don't need our permission, girlfriend.
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See... this is what ticks me off. I've been cheated on before in the past and I think it would have been a lot less hurtful if it had been an impulse, one night stand thing... but my ex cheated on me when his ex-gf came to town to see her "old friend".
What hurt most is that he knew something might happen if she came to HK... but he still met her anyway. He planned it and went ahead and did it.
It was intentional!!! He purposely did something that he knew would devastate me... how much did he love me?
How much do you love your bf?
You don't deserve him.
Don't do it.
You don't intentionally hurt those you love.
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amen to that last line, joyfulone
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blaze
18 yrs ago
Hey, we're all assuming that everyone will want to do what's right. But there're people out there who only care about what they want, even if they know it's wrong. No point going on and on about how terrible such an act would be... these people love themselves more than they can ever love someone else.
nuovavita, are you looking for encouragements and reassurances here that you're not doing anything wrong, that you're just human? Sorry, you're unlikely to get this here. If you want to behave like a ****, don't be surprised to be called one.
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There could be the fact that something is missing and you don't realize it until the opportunity to do something sexual with someone else occurs. It could be a lack of control when it comes to temptation.
We know its wrong to cheat on a spouse/boyfriend, etc. But sometimes the heart doesnt always listen to our head. We all know what is wrong, and what is right. But in some situations that area isnt just black and white, there is a lot of gray there also.
No one wakes up one morning and says, "I think Ill cheat on my spouse or b/f today." Maybe in a relationship something is missing, no more excitement or maybe our spouses or boyfriend are taking us for granted.
No matter how long you are with someone, we all want to feel wanted, desired and not taken for granted.
In regards to love relationships, men and women alike have to be aware that not only do we need to seek more pleasure and less pain in our lives but we also want to do this consistently and over time. So while we may desire passion and romance in the moment, enlightened men and women are also hoping to experience love
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Regis27 - good perspective, to which I would add some other thoughts: Nuovavita: Would there be any future with your visiting friend..? If he disappears back to wherever he's coming from after you've seen him, would he ever return to you..? If not, then you may end up losing everything: your present b/f as well as your distant friend. Been there, done that, got the scars - it's not fun.
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blaze
18 yrs ago
regis, nuovavita has already told us in another thread what she thinks "deep love" is- a man giving her his bank book. Uh huh, give it to me baby... give it all to meeee....
This girl whinges on and on about she didn't want to get into a LDR, how she was made to go into it, how she cannot buy herself nice branded bags now because she has to pay for an air ticket etc. Enough already. If you don't want the guy, break up with him. Stop giving yourself excuses to cheat.
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come on blaze, that's not fair - that's just one interpretation of her statements in that thread...
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blaze
18 yrs ago
Air ticket, dress, bank book, branded bags, rich boyfriend... money money money... I've never heard someone talk so consistently about money non stop before in the context of "love". Yeah yeah, relationships are about give and take- you give, I take. Who cares whether you're happy as long as I am?
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blaze
18 yrs ago
How charming... one infamous adultress lending support to a potential adultress. Cheaters of the world unite!
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blaze, why are you so angry? stick to the thread and don't impute more meaning than there is.
i'm in an LDR - as far as i know/imagine/hope, he is faithful to me, as i am to him, but i have thoughts and fantasies about other guys. i just don't act on them. does that make me a cheater?
in fact an old ex is in town this week and we have been hanging out. we had a relationship years ago, but now he is one of my closest friends. i don't feel any sexual attraction to him any longer, but we do have an emotional bond. i ask again: does that make me a cheater? my bf knows the friendly ex is here and how we have been spending time; the friendly ex knows all about my bf.
i think nuovavita is just trying to ask some questions while trying to be honest about the temptation she is facing. i don't think she's looking for approval at all.
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blaze
18 yrs ago
Come on VOR, I'm sure all of us have had fantasies of other men when we are in relationships. But this girl here is not asking us whether she should sleep with another guy or how to avoid the temptation. She is telling us she is planning to do it. She says oooh, I know something will happen this time... I will still love my boyfriend even if I do it... I know it's bad but I will do it... Why the hell is she telling us? If she wants to do it, then go. Just don't expect me or anyone else to applaud her.
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ok i agree with that last, blaze - i don't think the majority of us will applaud her IF she does end up cheating with this old flame.
nuovavita, you better give us all an update as to what ended up happening!
ciao for now to all - a most interesting weekend ahead, it seems...!
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Kek
18 yrs ago
If you truly love someone deeply,cheating should not even get on your radar.Whatever people say.
eg If you have a baby,your love would be so intense, that you would not allow anyone or anything to harm him/her.
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Have to disagree Kek - Loving your baby/kids is not the same as loving your partner/spouse. When your kids do something bad to you, the love is totally unconditional, but if your partner/spouse does wrong, then it is harder to find a way to forgive......
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nouvavita,
Glad you made the right decision. It's never easy to make the right decision. And if it helps, flee from temptation....in other words, if there's always temptation with this guy, maybe it is time to end contact with him. What's the point of having contact with him knowing that you still love your bf and that nothing with come out with the other guy.
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The posts in Relationships w.r.t. having short-term physical relationships, ONS, casual sex are so shallow, pseudo and pretentious. Stop making a show of this and hiding behinds facades and "false integrity" and "Non-existing fidelity".
The moment thoughts of having a physical relationship with someone other than your partner/spouse come to ones mind, one is already "cheating". Do it or Don't do it! Don't create posts to justify, seek support & sympathy.
If you want to enjoy life, forget all this righteousness, and holier-than-thou attitude and just have fun! Else, get on the straight path and be faithful to your partner.
In the Western Culture - Sex and belonginness is a physical and biological need (like animals).
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Hi Whateva- let's start a new thread!
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Hello, I know how that is, I was in the exact same situation before, I liked a guy very much before and he did as well, we weren't able to be together because of distance, even we did try to get along and went through a lot but anyway, it failed because of distance, misunderstandings etc. then I met my bf and we got along really good and with time goes, I fall in love with my bf, but I always wonder how it will be if I was able to be with that guy.
So one time he told me he's coming to China and would like to see me, I said OK, because I haven't seen him for so long I thought just take it easy and treat him as a friend, maybe I could discover that mystery as well. I went to see him, we talked like friends do and I didn't feel attractive to him, maybe because I love my bf?
Cherish your real love, don't be stupid, there's a reason that you can't be with him.
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