How To Deal with Mom?

Hi,


I am having many arguments with my mother for the past 3 years since living with her. I had to move in with her since I was unemployed at the time and due to being a single parent as well. Some of the most annoying things she does is telling me to do something while I'm already doing them. For example, when I'm doing dishes, she would tell me to wash this and wash that. I could see the dishes laying around and I will ge to it when I get to it. There were times that I buy groceries that I like to eat but she makes comments like, "don't buy these vegetables", "we just had these a few days ago". I bought them because I like to eat them and am not tired of eating the same thing over and over again. On other occasions, she's always making bad comments about my ex husband while my child is in the house. I know she hates him and I do too but I cannot go back in time to change that. I've asked her not to talk about him and she got hystericak saying that I'm helping "outsiders" instead of her, my mom. Yes, we are of Chinese nationality. This is one thing I really hate being a Chinese. The elders are alwys saying that this behavior is not respecting the elders. I know that having a kid at a fairly young age was a mistake but I really am tired of listening to her talking like that in front of me and my kid. I just want her to stop being nosy and let me do the things I want without her having any comments about what I do. I know I should move out of the household, but it is not an option right now because rent is too expensive and I don't get child support (that is another story). If you've had situations like this, how are some ways you cope with it? I've tried just steering away from her (ie. not telling her about thigns in my life but we had an argument over that--she said that I don't tell her anything about me and that I should because we are family).

You need to set boundaries for personal space and tell her that there are llimits to what you prefer her to talk about in front of the kid, not in a confrontational way but try to be reasonable with her. With stuff like dishes and food - sorry my friend but while you're living in her house, you've got to suck it up and do what she says. I don't know what it is about dishes but I've lived with enough people to know they can drive people beserk. It's honestly just easier to do them.