EAST MEETS/CLASHES WEST?

I have been working in Hong Kong for almost and year now and my boyfriend from the States have recently moved here to be with me. i felt really selfish for asking him to move here, so I waited for him to suggest it. We both discussed the fact that he really doesn't have much to lose by being here (mediocre job, average rented accommodation). If anything, this would be a fresh start for him and a potential opportunity for a career change.


Before the actual move, I made it very clear for him that he should put away enough savings to survive on because it could be some time before he finds work here. He took my advice, well, sort of, and brought about ten thousand Hong Kong. He's managed so far since he's staying with me and doesn't have any real expenses. He's upgrading himself at the moment by taking a couple of courses (which I've helped him pay for) and going to job interviews during the week while I'm at work. He does the occassional chore around our flat when he's not too "drained".


We haven't had much in terms of a social life because I am trying to be considerate towards his limited finances. When I suggest doing something and even paying for it, he would say somthing like, "That's okay, I'd just suffer," However, recently, he is no longer refusing such offers. I hate to say it, but I feel somewhat taken for granted.


Some may call this love, or simply helping someone in a time of need. You see, what makes it difficult is the fact that I have been brought up with VERY traditional Asian values (though I was born in America) and the men should "take care" of the women. I mean, my immediate family is keeping the fact that he is staying with me "hush hush" because they are ashamed of the fact that I am letting a man live with me for free. I find myself lying to them each time they ask about who pays for what. I know that Westerners think it's completing fine to support the guy if the situation calls for it.


So, my question is, should I continue picking up the tab because this is what TRUE love is about or let him know that he has to stop being the charity case in the relationship? If it's the latter, how can I do so and not sound like coldhearted.

Assuming that your man is serious about you and is seriously looking for a job, why don't you wait until he finds a job and see how things turn up? We all need support sometimes and, I think, this is the time for you to help this guy/man of yours provided he's genuine. (I wouldn't suggest you waste your time on something that wouldn't work out though).


As for your traditions and matters relating to your parents, little said about them, the better. Because they'll never accept the fact that things are changing in our world and that we have to change some values accordingly. Stop lying to them and let them know that you're old enough to take care of yourself; i.e., if you can really take care of yourself. Goodluck, my dear!!


ShaQ

hrmmm.... I have been brought up with very British values and I am afraid this would not be acceptable in British Australian culture.


You two may be very much in love however you do not move to another country with 10,000 Hong Kong dollars and expect to have someone else support you. Perhaps he should have located a job before he went to HK.


Having said this: my mother worked three jobs while my father established his successful business, so if the two of you have love between each other, and he is serious about making a new and successful life in HK then I think it is wonderful, have some patience and perhaps success will come.


If he is a lazy B*sta*rd who is too "drained" to participate in life then I think he should go back to the comfortable arms of uncle sam.

I agree with Yrogerg. It's not a matter of east and west clashing. It's a matter of not being taken for a mug. What's he doing with his ten grand? Is it gone already?

And why is he too drained to help out around the house? How long has the situation been going on for?

Be careful. With some people, the more you give the more they take. But maybe you are offering too much, if you really feel resentful stop offering.

Rougue, Agree and if he is ready willing and able I have no problem with him being helped out for a while. I am about to undertake a similiar move myself for similiar reasons, I have already been offered two jobs and have an interview on sunday for the job I really want. I have been job hunting now for about a month. I wish both the parties to which this thread refers the very best and I believe that where there is a will there is a way.

rouge - to answer your question, yes I have worked in several different countries and have always managed to find a job without ever beng supported by someone else. I know I'm very lucky. Not trying to judge anyone in that situation, but just warning the original poster there are a lot of scroungers out there. I supported someone for about 8 months in a similar situtaion and when he finally got a job it was a case of "what's mine is mine and what's yours is also mine." He came back from the supermarket once and asked me for $47 for "my" stuff - after 8 months of having everything paid for him. Priceless. Anyway I am probably biased, based on this experience, but I would warn any woman who is not married not to share her hard earned cash unless she is 100% sure he would do the same for her.

yes i agree with royster doyster. how did he get a dependant visa if you are not married and just bf/gf? i think u are full of s@#t asian belle!!

Well if you've read the movie director Ang Lee's story,he was jobless for a few years while his wife worked hard to support him and their kids. It was a dark period of his life and he said his wife often cried because of the stress and hardship.


Some traditional women do actually support their husbands but you have to know if the man is worth supporting.

asianbelle- give us an update!!!!