I met him about 2 months ago. We've had 5 dates before we slept together. Everything went well at the first stage and it was great fun to be with him. But eversince we kissed and have sex, he begins to ask me for money, though the amount is small. Once after clubbing, he asked me for taxi money to go home (We haven't slept together yet at that time). Once he came with a taxi to my place and he called me to say that he doesn't have enough cash with him and asked me to go downstairs to pay for his taxi! When we go out for dinner etc., I always ended up paying more. For example, if a dinner costs 210 HKD, each of us pays 100 and then he asks me to pay the 10, claiming that he doesn't have changes with him. This doesn't happen just once or twice. It has happened quite often.
It is not that he doesn't have money. He always travel here and there. Though we have never talked how much we make monthly, I am pretty sure I make much more money than he does and I guess he is aware of this.
I am Chinese and he is European. I spent several years studying overseas and it is totally ok to me to split the bill with boyfriend. But I am not that generous as to pay extra every time (It is not about the money, it is about the feeling!) We are of similar age and both of us are good looking. Has anybody experienced or heard similar things? Any advise?
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Oh better stop paying for him.Think he trying to seduce you and without coming out much.Ya stop paying and see how his reaction.
knock his head
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DTMFA!!! Seriously!! If a guy is that cheap at the very beginning, it will just get worse!!!
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To bendy52:
I said we are both good-looking and of similar age so that people won't get the wrong image of old ugly woman with cute boy and hence the the boy asks the woman to pay more.
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Thanks for all the advise!
My instinct is that he is very spoid by his ex-girlfriends. As he is good looking, some girls might do whatever he wants to please him, no matter it is Asian girl or western girl. So maybe he thinks it is quite alright for girls to pay the extras. Every time when he asks me to pay for the extras, he spoke in such a natural way that I would feel gilty if I don't pull out my wallet.
Anyway I have made up my mind to leave this guy. I will learn lesson from this experience. If next time I meet a guy with similar behavior, I will simply dump him asap.
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I have similar experience with you. I have been going with my bf for 4.5 years, but we are not living together. He is not good at managing his finance and always spend his salary every month. I would say he is a person who is very generous to himself but stingy to the others. I feel very insecure when I am with this person. When i go out for dinner with him, if i pay for this time and he usually pay for the next time. But the thing is I usually pay for the more expensive one. As November story said, I feel guitly if i don't take my wallet out. We went for sushi last week, when the bill came, he asked me to pay for it as this time is cheaper. The thing makes me feel bad is not the money, is just the feeling. He bought a car, and I have to responsible for the fuel every month. I understand that it costs a lot to own a car in hk. He has to pay for the rent, carpark and the bills. He makes more money than me, but why I have to pay for the fuel..that's because I ask him to drive me sometimes, so I have the responsiblity to pay for it. I would say I spend on him every month is more than he spends on me. I am a bit frustrated with this relationship, I am not a materialistic person. But just feeling very bad if a man can't satisfly me in all aspects.
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November Story-Do you mind lending me a few bucks until payday? Ill pay you back, for sure. PM me.
What is up with these guys? You didnt meet them at the HK Jockey Club did you?
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He makes you pay for petrol because he sometimes drives you places?????
I agree with JC, why are with him this long if he makes you unhappy?
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He wasn't like that in the first 3 years...but anyway, I have decided to leave him as I can't stand it anymore.
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I no longer want to hold a talk with this person any more, though many of you suggested. It is very difficult to change a person in the short term, and I guess a person will only change for someone whom he really cares. If he really loves and cares about me, he would not ask me to always pay for the extra bills in the first place. And he is not bad at managing his finance. He carefully puts away money every month so that he can go for planned vocations. And whenever the bills comes, he either says he doesn't have cash or he simply pull out a 500 or 1000 HKD paper and claim he doesn't have change.
And as each person is different, it is very difficult for me to ask him to pay the extras in a 'natural' way. When I go out with friends, just like Rouge said, we always average out in the end. Friends are people who share same value. If his common sense doesn't include this value, I guess he is even not worth to be my normal friend.
Somehow I think there is one thing that I should learn from this experience. He actually exibted stringy personality from the first moment that we met. It was me who keep ignoring all those signals. We met each other in a club. My friend, also a girl, bought one around drink for him, me and herself. He happily accepted it and didn't buy one around back. Once his friend called him and he missed the call as he was in toilet. When he found he missed the call, he was very upset, saying "sh*t, I cannot call this friend back as he is in Shenzhen. I don't have IDD on my mobil phone. I have to wait for him to call me back". So basically his Chinese friend in Shenzhen has to make long distance call to him and he won't make any long distance call to his friend.
So girls, learn from my lesson and eyes wide open!!
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I found this movie in the archives. Check it out!
http://www.grapheine.com/bombaytv/play_uk.php?id=1376018
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lulu
18 yrs ago
there are lots of horrible stingy men in Hong kong, no matter western or chinese. They like to rip girls off cos they think we earn some money now.
I met many of these guys, so cheap...
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I thought this guy was stringy........
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Well, I suggest you find another boyfriend. Even I am goodlooking I would never accept if my girlfriend or date try to pay for some dinner.
Several times some girls wanted to pay 50% but I never accepted that idea. As what I am thinking he is not really interested in you.
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Secondly, if he make you feel guilty it is a kind of manipulation.
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Wow I'm hearing more and more of these cases!
NovemberStory- very wise to dump him and learn from that lesson.
KFK - Great link!! Love it!
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mrgoodlooking:
May I know your nationality? I have dated some English and Australian guys. They never let me pay even if I insist. But the problem with them is they are seeing many girls at the same time...
I agree with you that he must be good at manipulation. As now I think back, in many situations he can say or do something so naturally to make me pay, he must have done/practices it many many times before on other people...
knowfreekinway:
funny movie...maybe that's exactly the situation of stringy men...
Aijin,
thanks for the advice. Now since I decide to dump him, I don't need to ask him any more. But he did once ask me previously to pay for his flight for vocation for his Birthday in December, though in a joking tone.
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Yah, those are funny videos. Not sure why it is cutting out half of my text on this site though.
November, glad you dumped that clown. Unreal! No shame.
Don't guys know that if you want a great woman to fall in love with you, it takes a lot of generosity, especially in the first few months. After you've got the ring on her finger, bring out the crescent wrench to tighten up her allowance. I mean c'mon boys! Duh!
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Ha, another trophy guy story... Been there done that and it's so not worth it.... The guy I went out with was also very good looking, i mean girls turned their heads when we walked down on the street and my straight guy friends made comment on his looks... But he was a tight a** and counting pennies... i paid for lots of things for him and he hardly did... So congratulations novemberstory.. You got out early!!!
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To Novemberstory: Doesn't sound like a relationship to me - sounds like he used you as his personal ATM.
Onwards and upwards I say.
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I can't believe this, you know what? he doesn't care about how you feel, guys always try to act like gentleman in front of the women they like, but this guy is unbelievable. I understand the split bills thing, but not like that. it's not about the money, it's about his doesn't care
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get rid of guys who try to borrow money - start of trouble - one guy one know try to borrow money from me to gamble - he is a pilot, a father who has two kids.. gamble his house away and became a bankrupt - with SIA airlines
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get rid of guys who try to borrow money - start of trouble - one guy one know try to borrow money from me to gamble - he is a pilot, a father who has two kids.. gamble his house away and became a bankrupt - with SIA airlines
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If a guy got financial problem or unemployed for over 2 years and ask his gf to borrow 100k to pay for the rent and his gf don't have so much money that guy ask her to borrow from her friends. Then what should she do ?
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Hi, Tennis gal,
Thanks for your opinion. However it is difficult for me to justify someone's behavior if he is generous to donate money to charity but is very mean to friends around him. Suppose, my bf, oh no, should be my ex now, also donates money secretly. He is actually taking advatage of my money to save more of his money for the donation. I would still dump him in this case. If a guy is kind to the whole world but is mean to you, what's the point to be with him? As to your second example that he offered a good fortune while you two were splitting, I don't know much about the background so cannot comment. But if you were already married at that time, I think he is supposed to give u 50% of his assets.
Anyway I think instint is important. If you feel your husband is a good man, he is a good man. In my case, I don't trust my ex any more. So that relationship is finished.
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very well said, NovemberStory, i totally agree with you.
my mother always told me to marry a generous-hearted man. it's not about finding a rich guy to fund your shopping, but rather about a man who truly has your welfare at heart, who is generous in all ways, with whatever he may have - his time, his heart, and yes, if he has it, his money and resources.
before anyone slams my mother - my father came from a poor family - educated, but poor. but my mother, over the protests of her family, saw something in his character that assured her he'd always take care of her and their children. they made their success together, and despite any material crises they may have had along the way, dad always made sure we were well provided for, and mom did the best she could with whatever was available. i guess that's the true meaning of the vows "for better or worse, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad..."
anyway NovemberStory, glad you have moved on and listened to your instincts.
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NovemberStory,
"If a guy is kind to the whole world but is mean to you, what's the point to be with him?" -
Good one!
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I also have the same experience recently. I met a guy only for a month and he asked me to lend him a thousand when the last day we met before he had go back his home country for holiday. A week ago, he was calling me for tranfer $$ to him. I'm just trying be excuse and haven't rejected or not. Should I ask him on the phone for reason or should I stop talking to him or seeing him when he's back. I just wonder why a guy would ask a gal for only dating few times for $$?
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HK J Lo: this is horrible! Now I feel my ex is like a saint compared to your bf!
Girls: I am wondering if this has something to do with where the guy is from. Should we disclose the nationality of the stringy guys so that next time when we meet someone, we'll be careful if he's from the stringy countries?
My stringy ex. is from France. Previously I also saw some German "friends" who are kinda of using friends' money. Those Australian and English men that I dated so far are queit generous.
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yeh stingey I mean, sorry for the typo
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yeh rouge, I agree you to a certain degree. But I still think there is a culture thing there. Maybe that also relates to each person's family background and financial status. It would not hurt if we just share some experience - it's good to know, though not necessary, to apply to our future dating...
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Get rid of that guy! He will certainly find an idiot that will have no problem paying for his company. To my understanding he is a Gigolo, he has money to buy a car and charge you for the gasoline??? excuse me but if that was going to be a problem to him he should have kept his bike!
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