Posted by
joyfulone
18 yrs ago
Some of you may remember, about a year ago, I was coming out of a long-term relationship that became abusive. I'm still dealing with some unresolved feelings from it... rejection (my bf stopped loving me and became hostile, for a still unknown reason), rage, low self-esteem etc. I know a lot of it is irrational. Most of the time I feel ok, but sometimes these feelings come up.
10 months ago, I started dating a friend of mine that I just adored... we'd both liked each other for a long time and when we got together, things seemed perfect. He spoiled me rotten and treated me like a princess. Now, I'm deeply in love with this guy and it seems to me that his feelings for me are fading. :( Not long ago, he was bringing me flowers, asking me to move in with him etc... and now he doesn't call when he says he will and is spending more and more time with his friends and giving more and more excuses to not see me. He says he loves me... but I don't feel it anymore.
How do I tell him how this is making me feel without seeming clingy or needy... because I REALLY feel clingy and needy these days. I know there's nothing wrong with me and that I have a lot of great qualities... but these old feelings of rejection and not being good enough are coming up again and I'm starting to feel really down.
Should I let him go? So confused...
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shaq
18 yrs ago
Knowing that nothing is wrong with you is a good start. But I must also say that you feel rejected because, perhaps, you want too much from a relationship or you 'fall in love' too quickly.
As to whether you should let him go or not, I'll say you didn't have him in the first place. Being a friend to you, I believe he was trying to help you out from your previous 'broken' relationship and things turn to the 'forbidden path'.
These are only opinions from hindsight; You may wanna sit down with him and trash whatever is happening out. Lastly, let me say 'it's always safe to love with your head involve ... reliance on the heart is never enough'. Goodluck, my dear!
ShaQ
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lulu
18 yrs ago
Joyful> nothing you can do. You cannot rely on men to give you happiness. Men is different animal from women. They are pretty straight forward, when they are lonely after drinking, feeling horny, they will think of women. When they got friends around watching World Cup or having a guy nights out, they totally forget about you, even your name. I think you have to live with the fact that they cannot give you love ALL the time and ALL your life. Try and face the reality, take it easy and move on.
This is no point to argue or explain or resoning, they are men, not 100% are like that but 95% of them are like that. You think you feel hurt about that? You will continue to feel hurt, the only one that can let yourself out is YOU.
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prize
18 yrs ago
My advice hun, go out on a girls night and make damn sure you look your best. Remind him why he got with you in the first place. If he has really stopped noticing you - even after you chat about it - then move on.
Why waste your time on someone if they are not willing to waste some time on you?
In truth you love him loads - so are probably latching on to him a little more than vice versa. Take a step back, chill out a bit and stop worrying so much. The honeymoon period was gonna wear off at some stage - but theres other stuff to look forward to. Take some time out yourself and enjoy time with your friends... having seperate interests is healthy.
Honey - just because someone doesnt love you the way you want them to, doesnt mean they dont love you with all they have :0)
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Prize, wow! Thanks!
Actually, I'm planning to go out with my friends tonight - he wants to get together... but will make him miss me and enjoy my night out with friends... get some perspective!
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Perhaps one thing to think about is that this guy may just be your re-bound relationship. If you started dating soon after your other relationship ended, it may be that you need to take some time off dating for a while.
Hope things work out for you.
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I see what you guys are saying... but with my other relationship, it was OVER at least a year before it was over. it was just a matter of getting him out of the house (long story). i had no feelings for him when he left. Didn't shed a tear - actually felt relief.
I had feelings for my current bf long before we got together and he felt the same. Neither of us knew anything about the other's feelings until he asked me about last Sept. soo... I really don't think it's rebound. I knew at the time that it might not be righth for me to start dating then but I really didn't want to pass up the opportunity we had - didn't want to look back and wonder "what if"?
Anyways... I've been thinking about it a bit more... I know he feels stretched really thin these days. I live 45 min away and he works quite late at a job that's really strressful. Then he's got friends, World Cup etc. to think about.
so, I don't know. I guess I'm afraid of repeating past mistakes. I don't want to be a doormat - just be around whenever he feels like it. But at the same time, i don't want to not be there for him if he needs me.
Ijust feel like I don't have my head on straight enough to deal with this.
I wouldn't mind just giving him some time to sort himself out if I knew this wasn't going to be a regular thing. What to do... sigh!
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How very diplomatic and sensitive of you Regis. Do remember that not all of us enjoy footie, some of us prefer a real sport likem rugby. Anyhoo, I digress.
Joyfulone - go out with the girls as you had planned, let him sort himself out. He'll soon get the message.
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regis - none taken - sounds like sound advice to me.
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lulu
18 yrs ago
joyful> dont go to see your friends just to make him jealous, you are playing games on yourself. Go to see your firends because you want to, you feel happy to meet them.
Dont work your life around your men, you will feel happier and more wanted.
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